This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 27, 2017. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Richard Fowler, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City, and this is The Five. The long-awaited JFK files are out in part, 2,800 never before seen record on the assassinations of JFK were released by the national archives, but hundreds remained classified. President Trump said he had no choice but to heed warnings from the CIA and FBI to keep some of the files secret from further review, releasing them un-redacted could pose irreversible harm to our national security. Here's some of what we learn from documents that were allowed to go public.
In the aftermath of the assassination, the Soviets apparently worried they would be blamed for putting Lee Harvey Oswald up to the attack. More on that later. Also, the CIA once intercepted a phone call from Lee Harvey Oswald to the KGB's department in charge of sabotage and assassination before Oswald murdered the president. Another interesting item, a British newspaper received an anonymous phone call about, quote, big news, in the U.S. 25 minutes before JFK was shot. So there's actually was some big news in here, Kimberly.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: You know it's interesting because this is I found to be one of the more fascinating topics. Did you ever think in our, you know, lifetime that they would reopen these files? And it's the question that I'm getting from everyone is, you know, what are we going to find out, or something's going to be held back? And I said, I think what we'll going to find out what they feel uncomfortable with us, you know, knowing in terms of what transpired here. I think it's an important moment in American political history and just in transparency for our government also because a lot of times will say to other governments why you guys are doing, you're not being transparent, you're not being open. I think this shows that actually we trust the American people to know this information even though this dealt with one of our top secret intelligence, you know, agencies.
And to me, that's like kind of the most compelling aspect. I don't know if I necessarily found something in this that was earth shattering or also kind of my fact pattern of the chronology of the prosecutor of what I thought went down. But in that very sense, I think it's helpful because people were thinking there was a big conspiracy behind this and wondering what's going on, or if our government was keeping secrets from us.
PERINO: I mean, you can't get away from the Russians, Greg. They keep coming us from every block in this show.
GREG GUTFELD, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Do you know what I love about the Russians? They have a department in charge of sabotage and assassinations. They play the villain to a tee. They put the sign up there and say, yeah, just go to the department of assassination and sabotage.
GUTFELD: We had the cloaks over there and the daggers are in the locker. By the way, speaking of assassins, some of the best here are the plots to kill Castro. This is the United States now. Contaminated skin diving suit dusted with a deadly fungus inside. They were also going to booby-trapped what they called a spectacular seashell. So Castro enjoyed diving and they were going to put a shell that had bombs in it, but they couldn't find a large enough shell. I want this job to sit around and come up with fantastic ideas. It's incredible. The only this is that -- the problem with this, and I can see why some people are disappointing, it's like when you go to the carnival or a county fair and there's a sideshow they go like, this is a bearded lady and you're really excited as a 10-year-old, and it's a guy in a dress.
GUILFOYLE: And it pulls off.
GUTFELD: Yeah. And they would say to him -- they'll say it's a monster rabbit, but it's like a goat with rabbit ears. I feel like we got lead on a little bit. But my last point, Rachel Maddow just hammered Trump over this last night saying how they couldn't get it right. She's been carnival barking for nine months over Russian collusion with Trump, and there's more meat on a cricket than that story. She said she is going after President Trump for what she's doing every night from 9:00-10:00.
PERINO: Not clarifying a 50-year-old conspiracy?
PERINO: That's like -- basically, that's exactly what happens every night. Jesse, you've done a lot of research on this today, and I wonder what your biggest take away was?
JESSE WATTERS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Well, we have a team of water's world research going over this page by page. So I'm really.
GUILFOYLE: Investigating the department of sabotage?
WATTERS: The final decision we've come too. It is funny off of Rachel Maddow how, you know, the left fantasizes about assassinating President Trump. And when he doesn't release things that might actually help other countries assassinate him through the CIA documents? Now she's mad. So I don't.
GUTFELD: Wait a minute. She never said that.
WATTERS: Isn't the left mad because Trump like withheld some of the stuff because the CIA doesn't want any of their research.
PERINO: Richard is like this.
RICHARD FOWLER, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: I want to put like repellent up, no.
PERINO: I accidentally followed everything.
GUILFOYLE: Those are different documents exclusively obtain by "Watters' World."
WATTERS: We're going to be releasing those documents later on the "Watters' World" show.
PERINO: Well, the other thing is President Trump was asked by the CIA, Richard, to hold some of these documents back. In six months, it will be revisited again. So we will be able to hold all this information and bring it back up.
FOWLER: I actually -- I don't understand -- the secret service knew that he was going to do this and they should have gotten their act together to release all the documents at one time.
PERINO: Meaning President Trump or Lee Harvey Oswald?
FOWLER: No, no, no. I mean.
PERINO: That would be another.
FOWLER: Jesse has confused the whole table now. But no, I'm saying the secret -- the intelligent agencies knew the president wanted to release these documents. He sent a memo over there.
PERINO: Well, it was required by the law in 1992. On October 26, 2017, this will all be released unless there's a security concern, which there was, and President Trump he did it.
FOWLER: Right. And I feel as though that the secret service had almost a decade to get their act together to figure out the security concern and deal with it. I applaud the president for releasing these documents because I think the American people deserve to know what happened to JFK. And I think now we can put all of these conspiracy theories too bed, the third bullet, the umbrella man, that LBJ did it. All of these conspiracies can now go to bed and we can move on and say he was assassinated, we now all know it was Lee Harvey Oswald. Now we know. Bravo, Mr. President.
PERINO: On the 2:00 show today, "The Daily Briefing," so Jim Woolsey the former CIA director was there. And basically what he said is that there is a theory about this guy who was and Romanian agent and he defected to the United States, highest level guy, and he said that Khrushchev had wanted JFK assassinated. So there was a plan going forward, but then he called it off. But Lee Harvey Oswald was such a die-hard believer that he went forward with it, and then they had Jack Ruby kill him to make sure that there was no -- that you couldn't find that connection. Do you buy that, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: I have to tell you something's, for me -- some of these theories, I already heard before, you know, that they weren't very like revealing to me. And the Jack Ruby stuff I thought is kind of interesting. The other thing about going to get a confession in the hospital, I thought that was kind of interesting, but then really not able to do that, was like sort of a last-minute press to try to get that nugget to say, OK, we can wrap this up and close it down, and history would've been very different, I think, if they had been able to obtain that. One other thing, Dana, that I found was really interesting was the phone call, there was an intercept of a phone call connecting, like we talk about the Russians, I mean, they're everywhere, between Oswald and then also a death threat against him. Those things were pretty interesting that I thought where like new and kind of like revealing.
PERINO: I thought that Woolsey was making a lot of sense. Greg, what do you think about this British newspaper getting a warning 25 minutes before the news broke.
GUTFELD: Sometimes I just think that is -- you get a lot of chatter all the time and you get that terrorist attacks as well. So it may have just been a coincidence. I don't know who warned them. I don't know that part. But it is -- it's interesting. What you're getting is a look at what happens all the time -- things that you don't know what was going on. When I go back to the Castro stuff, we were doing this too. Like we were planning to off, you know, the head of a country because, you know, we didn't like him. And I look at this stuff and I go, this is really amazing. We must be doing this now or maybe we don't. But I wonder how many people have no idea what we're talking about because, you know, it's 50 some odd it -- what is it? How many years? Where we are now? Fifty three years ago? Fifty something?
PERINO: Yes, 54.
GUTFELD: Yeah, 54. So many humans spent so much time and fictitious worlds. You know, playing video games that they -- history is not as interesting.
PERINO: It does also show you how the intelligence community basically is looking through thousands of haystacks and.
PERINO: The chances of finding the needle are pretty slim.
WATTERS: Well, I mean, I'm not sure -- there's a Russian thread here. The bomb.
GUILFOYLE: Pull the thread.
WATTERS: Ready? If he's going to the embassy.
FOWLER: Tell us that the emperor has no clothes.
WATTERS: In Mexico, the Russian embassy, and he's meeting with this assassination squad or something like, and he's making calls, and he's speaking Russian, broken Russian, they got him on a wiretap, how is it not a conspiracy? And then look at Hoover, the FBI director, making sure the public doesn't think it's a conspiracy because he would, so what? Make sure that there's not World War III? Because if everybody starts thinking the Russians were involved in the plot to assassinate the president of the United States, they're going to want to go to war.
PERINO: Well, that might be why the national security community is still concerned about the release of all these documents. So.
GUILFOYLE: So true.
FOWLER: The other thing that the Warren commission for which LBJ put on because people thought that he had done it, and they didn't have any of these documents when they started their investigation.
PERINO: Yeah. It said that there was tension between the FBI and the CIA. So some things never change. Straight ahead, what does he knows? The FBI informant clear to tell all on the Uranium One deal, allegedly has proof that Clinton engaged in quid pro quo with, guess who, the Russians. Details next.
GUILFOYLE: Well, this week we've learn who paid for the infamous Russian dossier designed to harm President Trump's candidacy. The Clinton campaign and the Democratic National Committee. You think the chairman of the Clinton team and the head of the DNC at the time would remember funding a smear project like that. But all of a sudden, they caught a bad case of amnesia.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: When did you learn the DNC and the Clinton campaign were behind the dossier?
UNINDENTIFIED FEMALE: I wasn't aware of the arrangement at all.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: How could you -- could you have lead the DNC of being the dark about the dossier?
UNINDENTIFIED FEMALE: I wasn't aware of the arrangement at all.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: OK. So Dana, that sounds like somebody spent some time with a lawyer.
PERINO: Probably. And the thing is -- they have been asked about this before. This story originally broke in January, meaning that there was the dossier and somewhere it was in the Democratic Party. They knew there had been some payments, but it wasn't directly connected to with to the DNC or to the Hillary Clinton campaign. It was some sort of third-party thing. Well, now we know that that actually was basically just money laundered through the law firm. And so, they could have found out if they wanted to. But I think that you're right that she's like -- it's better not to know.
PERINO: It is pretty curious that nobody knows where $6 million is spent. I mean, they had that much money on the Hillary Clinton campaign and it didn't matter to them like where this money was going?
GUILFOYLE: And they wanted to run the country.
PERINO: The other thing is that Fusion GPS, one of the reasons they plead the Fifth, is that they don't want to turn over their banking records. So Kim Strassel, the Wall Street Journal has a column about this today, she's been following it very closely. And I have to take a look at that in particular because you have the bank record issue from Fusion GPS. You have this denial now from different entities who the New York Times is frustrated because they feel like they were lied to when they were asked about it before. And then in addition to all of that, you have campaign disclosure forms and anything over a certain amount, I think like $200, has to be listed. The reason you do it through a third party, like a law firm, which then denies it for several months is because you don't want have to disclose that you're doing something.
GUILFOYLE: Yeah. Well, OK, so Greg, the problem is this looks very bad for them because they said, oh, I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea about that. I understand they don't want to have a statement that incriminate them or have any prior inconsistent statements. But it just seems like this was definitely they were trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the media and the American people.
GUTFELD: It does look bad only if you're looking at it.
PERINO: Are you looking at it?
GUTFELD: Well, the media, you know, here you have the possibility that the DNC colluded with Russia with the FBI's blessing. That's the other piece to this.
GUILFOYLE: That's smelling.
Hreg: Yes. The MSNBC crew that was still doing stories on how bots influenced the election, I think this might be a little bit more important. And I'm wondering will the networks, other than Fox News, start embracing the fact. Will CNN look at this and admit that this banana is a banana and Hillary has slipped on it. Or maybe it's an apple like the apple in the Garden of Eden, and the DNC took a big, bad bite of that evil apple, because that could be an apple or it could be a banana. I don't know. Anyway, Hillary deserves a nickname something about being crooked.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Well, I've got one for you, fruit of the loom.
GUTFELD: I was referencing the CNN commercial about apples and bananas. Would you like me to go through it again?
GUILFOYLE: No, you did it yesterday.
GUTFELD: We have time, it's Friday.
GUILFOYLE: It worked out. All right. So Jesse, you know, you must be particularly enthralled, feel vindicated and unbelievably intelligent because this is what you've been saying all along.
WATTERS: This is a great question. The answer is, yes, I do.
GUILFOYLE: You needed a confidence booster. My goodness.
WATTERS: Podesta and Debbie Wasserman, they're either incompetent or they're liars. I believe they're both. So Wasserman also had no idea her I.T. guy was crooked. She had no idea she was rigging the primary against Bernie until she got canned. Podesta, remember, he was the one that gave his password to the Nigerian king and it was password.
WATTERS: Right. So if you don't know, millions of dollars are being paid to some firm to dig up dirt on your opponent, then you're either oblivious and you're running a terrible campaign or you're not telling the truth. I believe both of these people aren't telling the truth. Also, some other nuggets in here.
WATTERS: Fusion GPS, this firm they did business with also worked with the Russian lawyer Natalia. Now remember Natalia? She was the one that was sent over to Trump Tower to talk about Don Jr., very interesting coincidence. Also, the firm that the DNC hired to come in was hired by the same Clinton attorney, Elias or whatever his name is, to say, oh, yeah, you guys were hacked by the Russians over there at the DNC. And then, when the FBI say can we look at the server and investigate the firm said no, no, we've got this. No, it's fine. Take our word for it. And the FBI took the word for this firm.
GUILFOYLE: And why would they?
WATTERS: Why would they? So the whole thing smells and I'm just waiting for Richard to explain it away.
FOWLER: Oh, no. I mean, I agree with Dana. I think we should take a look at Fusion GPS's bank records because you'll also find, Vanity Fair reported in September 2015 that Republicans hired Fusion GPS, and initially the same individual, Mr. Steele, who created the dossier. These never-Trumpers hired him to do work and to sort of unravel.
WATTERS: No. Steele wasn't related to the Republican.
GUTFELD: They hired him to look at Trump's casino.
FOWLER: No, but they hired him to look at.
GUTFELD: Not Steele.
WATTERS: Not Steele.
FOWLER: They hire him to look -- you guys are correct. I was wrong. I spoke incorrectly.
GUTFELD: Up next.
FOWLER: I will admit -- I will admit my fault when I make them, right? So they hired Fusion GPS to look into Mr. Trump, right? And then they fired him right when they figured out that Trump was going to get the nomination.
FOWLER: Democrats at this particular law firm hired Mr. Steele -- excuse me, hired Fusion GPS. Then, Mr. Steele was hired way after that, and he was also hired after the FBI had already opened up their probe into Russian.
PERINO: Are you channeling Juan Williams?
GUILFOYLE: I want to get to the gag order, friends.
FOWLER: So the FBI probe was already open prior to this to dossier he's written.
GUTFELD: One point about Fusion GPS which I find interesting, did it used to be Wall Street Journal reporters?
PERINO: Yeah. I don't know about the second guy, but Glen Simpson was.
GUTFELD: I think they realized that being reporters for a population that doesn't pay for their articles, isn't it interesting is targeting your talents, you know, to specific wealthy customer, they're essentially writing in-depth investigative reporting for people who will pay for it. If I want to do a piece on Jesse Watters, I hire Fusion GPS.
GUILFOYLE: Right, I know. All right. As you know.
WATTERS: That's just an analogy.
WATTERS: Don't get any ideas.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Tread water for a moment there. As you know, a gag order has been lifted on the former FBI informant on the Uranium One deal brokered by Russian when Clinton was secretary of state. He says he was intimidated by Obama administration lawyers not to talk and now he can. What does he know? We want to know. Here's what his lawyer told Fox News earlier.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNINDENTIFIED FEMALE: He's got all the bribes. You know, those are recorded and sort of put into an indictment in 2014. We have on the record quid pro quo with the Clintons being paid, Bill Clinton being paid half a million dollars by Russians, people who were interested in the Uranium One deal going in bid. And we have the Clinton Foundation getting tens of millions of dollars from the same people involved in the deal. So you've got it right there, the quid pro quo. Now my client can put some meat on those bones and tell you what the Russians were saying during that time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: All right. OK. So Dana, jump in the weeds with me.
PERINO: I'm going to go in the way back machine.
GUILFOYLE: OK, go.
PERINO: So I know this guy, Dan McGordy.
GUTFELD: Good for you.
PERINO: He wrote an op-ed on October 12, 2010, and it was all about this deal. And he was questioning, why would we ever do this. And he was talking about the spinous process.
GUTFELD: Oh, here we go.
PERINO: The committee that's going to look. And he writes -- could start with a simple question. If a U.S. mining company, to saying nothing of the U.S. government back agency, made a bid for a majority control of a Russian uranium mine, what would Russia do? They would never allow it.
PERINO: And so, I think questions about this go way back to -- why would we've done this in the first place and I'll have to get answers.
GUILFOYLE: And now the smoking gun is the unmasked, so to speak, informant who's been given freedom. Do you have something quick?
FOWLER: I will say quickly that there were nine people on this committee. Hillary was one of those nine people.
PERINO: I agree.
FOWLER: So to say that it's all Hillary Clinton it's absurd to me.
PERINO: I didn't say that. No, I agree.
FOWLER: No, people are making this argument I think is absurd. She was 1 of 9 votes. There were eight, seven other secretaries and two White House officials. Moving on.
GUTFELD: Facebook Friday. Come on, everybody.
GUILFOYLE: Greg is like mouthing it to me. No, wrapped, move on. It's Friday. The liberal media hard at work this week to provide cover for Clinton, when all else fails, what do they do? Blame Fox News. Next.
FOWLER: Democrats like me aren't happy with the attempt to take on Hillary Clinton and turn attention away from President Trump's Russia investigation. But isn't really fair to blame Fox News for her dossiers and the Uranium One fiasco? These folks are.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: This whole uranium thing comes from Fox News. I mean, this is a close investigation that came up in Peter Schweitzer's book, "Clinton Cash," in 2015. It was discredited then.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: They tried to dredge up a series of debunk and overblown stories to muddy the water and make it look like it was actually Hillary who colluded with Russia. Fox News would much rather talk about Hillary than Donald Trump, that's because the right in the Trump era doesn't have coherent principles or an ideology, it just has enemies, which is why they prefer to have an alternate reality where Hillary Clinton is president.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: It's a partisan effort align with what the White House has been urging and Fox and Breitbart, in which there's no consultation with the Democrats in congress. And I think that tells you all you need to know about whether this is in good faith or not.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
FOWLER: So Kimberly, what's your take?
GUILFOYLE: Yeah. I just think it's -- that's incredible, isn't it? How they can just go ahead and just like run a narrative all the way down the street to say that this is about Fox News. I mean, they so desperately want to whitewash this and they cover for Hillary Clinton that they'll literally do anything, say anything, to blame Fox. It's like -- there's no new bag of tricks here. It's like they do that. Despite the fact that what are we issuing, you know, a correction or anything like that, we get excellent sources, excellent news department to provide information. You know, we didn't create the Uranium One scandal, OK? So we're reporting on the news. We're covering it. That's what's happening here. It's called good journalism.
GUTFELD: Kimberly is dead wrong. They're right. FNC is behind the uranium story. In fact, under the newsroom, Lou Dobbs has been running a sub level uranium mine which helps him pay for the rare lemur's saliva he injects into William Devane to keep him eternally young.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, wow. What a freak.
FOWLER: I don't know how you come up with this stuff.
GUTFELD: By the way, we -- what was the kid, Seth Young, whatever his name is, Seth Myers? So we don't -- "They're doing this so they don't have to talk about Trump." Are you kidding? That's all we do is talk about Trump! And we talk -- we say good stuff and bad stuff. The guy just doesn't watch.
What happens with these shows is they have interns -- this is what happened on "The Daily Show." They have interns or assistants, and they sit there, and they just watch Fox. These guys don't watch Fox.
GUILFOYLE: And they pull clips.
GUTFELD: And they pull little clips. And then they have them sit down, and they're sitting there eating a sandwich and they go, "Ooh, I like that. I like that." And they put together a package.
GUILFOYLE: They hide (ph) (INAUDIBLE)
GUTFELD: They have no idea what goes on on this network. They don't know anybody that watches this network.
GUTFELD: What they are doing is just repeating these weird fantasies in their head that are fueled by these little snippets that are fed to them like little birds.
GUILFOYLE: Called Fox News JELL-O mold.
GUILFOYLE: They just put it all together.
GUTFELD: Sorry about that.
FOWLER: Where do you find Fox News JELL-O molds?
GUTFELD: I've got some in the back in my car.
PERINO: You have to be here a little while longer.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, yes, yes.
FOWLER: Clearly, they don't let me into, like, the secret Fox News door to buy the JELL-O mold. Dana.
PERINO: Well, you had made a good point before, and it's one that I've tried to make and others here have, as well.
WATTERS: You did?
PERINO: It's that --
FOWLER: I always make good points, Jesse.
PERINO: -- the CFIUS process requires signoff by nine different agencies. OK?
But FOX News didn't originate this story. The Hill newspaper did.
PERINO: If that reporting turns out to be wrong, well, shame on us. I mean, that would be the case.
But the one thing I would say in defense of FOX News is that, when any little nugget about any possible story line that connects to alleged Russian collusion on the Trump campaign happens, it is a full-bore breaking news everywhere else.
So I think that everyone should just take a step back, let us find out a little bit more, meaning the committee should find a little bit more. And The Wall Street Journal has raised some really good questions about Mueller and Comey being at the FBI at the time. DOJ was a part of the CFIUS process. Did they know that any of this was going on, or was it totally blind? I think that is worth knowing.
FOWLER: Mr. Watters.
WATTERS: Well, you know when a scandal is real: when the left blames Fox News.
PERINO: That's true.
WATTERS: These are -- these are not just allegations. These are facts.
WATTERS: You said it directly. This is based not only on Peter Schweitzer's reporting, who's not a FOX News guy. This is based on The Hill reporting, which is based on actual documentation, actual files, and actual filings. This didn't originate here. We're just covering it.
So to say that we're -- this whole story has been discredited, like Toobin said --
GUILFOYLE: It hasn't.
WATTERS: -- how has it been discredited? And if it has been discredited, explain why, Toobin. Explain how it's discredited, and maybe you can debunk it instead of just saying, "Oh, Fox News is doing it."
They're saying, you know, that all we want to do is talk about Hillary? Well, Hillary won't go away. We don't necessary -- well, we like talking about Hillary, but since she's hanging around, we're going to talk about her. What else do we have to talk about?
FOWLER: I mean, the president likes to talk about her, too.
GUILFOYLE: Well, how about reporting and covering the news? Like, we're covering this, because it's important and significant and raises alarm and concern, and it should! They want to make jokes about it. So you know.
FOWLER: I get it. Listen. My take on it is this. I just don't want another House or Senate investigation. There are too many of them, and they get us nowhere. So if people want to discuss this Uranium One thing, then let's get the best prosecutors, some of Kimberly's friends, to investigate it.
PERINO: You're saying it's time for a special prosecutor against Hillary Clinton on Uranium One?
FOWLER: No! Because you know what? I don't think they're going to find anything. They're going to say there were seven cabinet secretaries and two White House officials, and there was no "there" there. But let's not have another endless House or Senate investigation and get nowhere. Let's get some prosecutors. Let's look at it, and let's move on.
And we're going to move on from walls to "Moana." There's a lot of costumes causing controversy this Halloween. Jesse hit the streets to find out what people are thinking about the most offensive ones. We'll talk about that ahead. We'll be right back.
WATTERS: Halloween is on Tuesday, as you know. The costume PC police are out in full force again this year. I asked some New Yorkers how they feel about the holiday hysteria.
WATTERS: What costumes do you find offensive on Halloween?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: For example, like, an Indian, like, or something?
WATTERS: Native American.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, Native American.
WATTERS: But I thought multiculturalism is a good thing.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It is, but there's, like, complex structures to it that, like, add layers and make it more complicated than that.
JIM CARREY, COMEDIAN: What the hell are you talking about?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Do you know what she's talking about, Gutfeld?
GUTFELD: I think she means well. You know, but the thing is this whole kind of, like, "This costume is evil; this costume is good." It's a way to express moral superiority among your peer group. You have to be the first person --
WATTERS: Virtue signaling.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
WATTERS: I got that word from you.
GUTFELD: But it's like if you can be the first in line to condemn a costume, it's kind of like being the earliest member at church. It's like, you're the first -- you're in the front pew. That's what it --
GUTFELD: Because identity politics is a religion. You have penances. You have indulgences. You have confessions.
PERINO: And it has weird rules.
GUTFELD: There's a lot of weird -- yes.
GUTFELD: And everything it targets, whether it's football, or whether it's Halloween, or holidays, identity politics infects and then divides.
WATTERS: And there are a lot of rules, as you say. And explain to me, Richard. As a white male in America, why can't I --
GUILFOYLE: Oh. Thank God. Thank God you cleared that up.
WATTERS: -- dress up as someone from another culture on Halloween?
FOWLER: It's just -- it's the wrong thing to do.
WATTERS: Tell me why.
FOWLER: Because you offend people.
FOWLER: Jesse, we have -- this segment is three minutes.
WATTERS: I just want to know!
FOWLER: After the show is over, I will -- we can have a nice -- we can have a glass of whiskey, and I will tell you why it's -- why it's the wrong thing to do.
GUTFELD: Whiskey? What kind of whiskey?
WATTERS: I'm Irish.
FOWLER: Or bourbon.
WATTERS: OK, as long as --
FOWLER: I will give you -- I will just give you a list of costumes you shouldn't wear. How's that?
WATTERS: Go for it.
FOWLER: No black face.
WATTERS: Obviously, Richard.
FOWLER: Good. Glad we're there, right?
WATTERS: What do you think this is?
FOWLER: No indigenous people outfits. No mimicking of indigenous people.
WATTERS: So you can't dress up as a Native American?
FOWLER: Correct. No indigenous people. That would be the same thing.
WATTERS: Could a Native American dress up as me?
WATTERS: I'd like to see that.
FOWLER: I think that would --
PERINO: It would be a boring costume.
WATTERS: So is that be culturally appropriating me?
FOWLER: I actually think -- I actually think that would be offensive.
WATTERS: You think I would be offended if a Native American dressed up as Jesse Watters on Fox News for Halloween?
FOWLER: I think you would actually --
WATTERS: You're taking offense for me.
FOWLER: I think, because you're sort of sick and twisted like that, you would get off on it. I think you would be offended.
GUILFOYLE: Just so you know --
WATTERS: What are you being for Halloween?
GUILFOYLE: Just so you know, there's not a lot of demand for that costume.
GUTFELD: There has to be a Jesse Watters costume.
WATTERS: It's flying off the shelf! Collar up and a microphone.
GUILFOYLE: What am I dressing up as? Well, Jessica Rabbit.
PERINO: Rabbits are offended.
GUILFOYLE: Is that bad?
WATTERS: Richard, what do you think?
FOWLER: I'm not, like, -- why am I --
WATTERS: PETA might not like it.
GUILFOYLE: Are rabbits offended?
FOWLER: Am I sort of, like, the PC police here? I'm just saying --
WATTERS: Yes, Richard.
PERINO: I think the best costumes are the ones that, as I always understood, the ones that make you go, "Oh, my gosh, I can't believe they actually did that."
WATTERS: Like what?
PERINO: They're supposed to be a little shocking. Well, it's whatever it is that's offending people. That's kind of the point.
WATTERS: Yes, like Colin Kaepernick.
GUILFOYLE: Are you going to be something in the parade?
WATTERS: Gutfeld -- if Gutfeld was Colin Kaepernick, threw an afro on, put the jersey on --
GUTFELD: Do not pull me -- do not pull me into your weird little world. No, no, no. I'm going as Tucker Carlson. So what I do is, I ring the doorbell, I ring the doorbell, and I go, "Um" -- then they take a wide shot.
PERINO: OK, now you're on. You're on.
GUTFELD: Then I just go --
GUILFOYLE: Now you're on.
GUTFELD: Then I just stare at them like this. For about a minute. And then I go, "Thanks for coming on the show. Thanks for coming on the show."
WATTERS: You got it.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, do the astonishment face.
WATTERS: Next, "Facebook Friday."
PERINO: Thank goodness.
WATTERS: Don't go away.
GUTFELD: Yes, "Facebook Friday." Is that your phone?
WATTERS: No, that was Richard's.
GUILFOYLE: Fake news!
FOWLER: This is fake news, America.
GUTFELD: Halloween edition, you silly people. This is from Marie H. I'll go to you, Kimberly. "What is -- for October, what's your favorite horror movie and why?"
GUILFOYLE: It says "or show" and you didn't read the rest of it -- fine, it's no problem. So here's --
GUILFOYLE: -- the issue for you. I absolutely cannot watch any horror films, scary movie. I am traumatized from a slumber party in seventh grade --
PERINO: Me, too.
GUILFOYLE: -- where I had to see, like --
PERINO: "Carrie" was the one.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. "Carrie." Freddie Krueger --
GUTFELD: That was a comedy.
GUILFOYLE: -- "Friday the 13th," all of that. Terrifying.
GUTFELD: Stephen king's best adaptation was "Carrie," I thought. Amazing.
WATTERS: I saw "It?" Did you see that?
GUTFELD: No, I haven't seen it. Good?
WATTERS: It's pretty good.
WATTERS: But mine is "Nightmare on Elm Street." Definitely. I was that for Halloween for a number of years.
GUILFOYLE: How offensive.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
WATTERS: That's gruesome.
FOWLER: My problem is, I can't watch horror movies in movie theaters, because I'm the person that talks. I'm like, "You're stupid! Run, girl, run!"
PERINO: You can't go to my movie theater.
GUTFELD: Dana, what do you --
PERINO: I'm with her. I've --
GUTFELD: "You're with Her"? That's a terrible movie.
WATTERS: That movie bombed.
GUILFOYLE: She means she's like, is with K. to the G.
PERINO: Yes. My parents wouldn't let me watch scary movies, and so now
GUTFELD: Me? Obviously, "Love, Actually." Probably the scariest movie -- the scariest movie ever put to film. You know, you can't -- a lot of people, they just throw up. I was in a theater once, and people were just vomiting while watching "Love, Actually."
GUILFOYLE: No, they're not.
GUTFELD: They actually banned it in 14 countries!
GUILFOYLE: You're lying.
GUTFELD: Next question: "What is your least favorite thing you ever received when you went trick-or-treating?" Like, her example is her son once got pencils.
PERINO: A box of raisins.
GUTFELD: Yes, a box of raisins. That's a --
PERINO: Your parents have those in the pantry. Don't give them in the -- treat box.
GUTFELD: Yes. Jesse.
WATTERS: Fruit or vegetables, or pennies.
GUTFELD: Pennies! Yes, the taste of copper.
WATTERS: Bad candy.
GUTFELD: Bad candy. A good name for a band. Richard.
FOWLER: Almond Joys.
GUTFELD: Yes. I hate coconuts!
WATTERS: Send them my way.
GUTFELD: No, that's Mounds.
PERINO: Sometimes you feel like a nut.
GUTFELD: That's Mounds.
GUILFOYLE: No, but I think they --
FOWLER: Gave me Snickers bars, man. Snickers bars --
FOWLER: Three Musketeers. Give me the good stuff. Don't give me Almond Joys. Come on.
FOWLER: Spring for the good candy.
GUILFOYLE: Well, you know what? I don't want to -- I particularly don't want to get, like, a granola bar.
GUILFOYLE: I mean, mot that I dislike those. I just don't want it in that moment.
PERINO: If you have it in your pantry, don't -- that shouldn't be what you give out for Halloween.
GUILFOYLE: Like, don't give me kale chips. Right, Dana?
PERINO: That could be me.
GUTFELD: My least favorite thing I got on Halloween was razor blades. I was like, "I don't even shave."
PERINO: Remember when that was going on?
GUTFELD: By the way, the dumbest rumor of all time --
GUILFOYLE: I know, but it's so bad.
GUTFELD: -- in razor blades in apples, because who would do that? Because the kids would just -- if the kids got that, they would just tell the police where they got it from. They don't have one documented incident.
FOWLER: That is a homophobic rumor, and it's sad. It's really sad.
GUILFOYLE: Let's not -- let's not go there.
FOWLER: Yes, because that is what they say. They say that, like, gay men give out apples.
PERINO: I didn't know that.
FOWLER: That is literally -- that is a homophobic thing!
GUTFELD: I never heard that. I've learned something new here on "The Five."
PERINO: That's why you always have to DVR, watch "The Five."
GUILFOYLE: Way to bring it up, Greg!
GUTFELD: We've had this question before.
GUILFOYLE: Go ahead.
GUTFELD: This is from Milka C. She goes, "If you were president for one day, what executive order which you sign?" Richard.
FOWLER: I'd free all my sons. It's a Lauryn Hill song.
GUTFELD: I don't know. Sing it.
FOWLER: You never heard the Lauryn Hill song?
GUILFOYLE: No, I know, but that's an executive order?
FOWLER: (SINGING) If I ruled the world, I'd free all of my sons.
GUILFOYLE: That would be your theme music.
GUTFELD: K.G., what would you --
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. Trump is, like, doing such a good job of killing ISIS, he's putting me out of business. Because that would be my one executive order. Like, destroy.
WATTERS: Maybe bring back waterboarding. You know, just for -- just for fun.
GUILFOYLE: By the way, I agree. I mean --
WATTERS: Yes. Bring it back.
GUILFOYLE: It actually works.
GUTFELD: For any special occasion? Or for a specific --
WATTERS: Well, to fight the war on terror.
GUTFELD: I just want to be clear.
WATTERS: OK. Thank you for clearing that up.
PERINO: I would do something on adoption to make --
GUTFELD: Oh, good.
PERINO: -- make it easier for people that want to adopt to be able to adopt children. More --
GUILFOYLE: That is a very good one.
PERINO: It's actually something that they can and should do.
GUTFELD: You're absolutely right.
GUILFOYLE: You should talk to Ivanka Trump about that.
GUTFELD: I would ban Radiohead in public places. Everybody knows they're a poor man's Air Supply. And I just think it's time to move on.
GUILFOYLE: Wow. You moved off the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
GUTFELD: What? Oh, I hate the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
WATTERS: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: They're a poor man's Smashmouth. Rashan G. asks -- ooh, I skipped -- I'm sorry. Sorry, Rashan. We're not getting to you.
GUTFELD: Kathy says if you had to pick a song to describe you, what would it be? Jesse?
WATTERS: "Rocket Man." Definitely "Rocket Man." We're going all the way up.
GUTFELD: All right.
Kimberly's face is utter disgust.
GUTFELD: They took that shot, but they didn't.
GUILFOYLE: Thank God. What song? I mean, come. We -- haven't we done this one, too?
GUTFELD: I don't know.
GUILFOYLE: I can't say it now. Probably can't say it now.
GUTFELD: All right.
GUILFOYLE: Like -- go ahead.
FOWLER: No. Go to Dana.
PERINO: I can't think of the song! It's about a dog. It's a country music song.
GUTFELD: "Shannon?" Remember "Shannon," about --
GUILFOYLE: What about your girl crush song you told me you like, you sent?
PERINO: That's a good song.
GUTFELD: What other dog songs are there? "Shannon," that was the dog that went away. Didn't come back.
PERINO: Billy Currington has a song about a dog, I believe.
FOWLER: All right, I've got my answer. My favorite running song, "Simply the Best" by Tina Turner.
GUTFELD: That's good, that's good.
PERINO: But what was Rashan's question?
GUTFELD: My song: "Afternoon Delight," because that's what "The Five" is. An afternoon delight.
GUILFOYLE: Wow, that was really --
GUTFELD: Starland Vocal Band. No?
GUTFELD: You people are young.
GUILFOYLE: All right.
GUTFELD: Or I'm old.
WATTERS: The poor man's Beatles.
GUTFELD: They poor man's Beatles.
GUILFOYLE: They're wrap -- they're wrapping you, you did such a good job.
GUTFELD: "One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: What next?
PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing."
OK. Workers at the Utqiagvik Airport in Alaska --
PERINO: -- we're in for a big surprise on Monday. Check this out. This would irritate you, Greg. A 450-pound bearded seal was plopped down in the middle of the runway so nobody could leave. And they waited for the seal to move. They basically -- well, the pilot said, "We have a low sealing." They tried to make people realize, like, that they've got to wait for a minute. Scott Babcock capture the moment on camera and said, "It was very strange to see the seal. I've seen a lot of things on the runway, but never a seal." But you never know what you're going to get in Alaska.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Fantastic.
So today, I had the privilege of being at the Synergy Global Forum, where I'm MC and hostess with the mostest, and conducting the Q&A. That's me walking out. Jesse, you'd be jealous. I had some smoke.
It is a fantastic event.
WATTERS: Nice entrance.
GUILFOYLE: The biggest -- one of the biggest business events in the world. Brings together huge names in business and disruptors.
PERINO: -- disrupted.
GUILFOYLE: That's Guy Kawasaki. Sir Richard Branson, Steve Forbes, Ray Kurzweil, Jack Welch. And tomorrow, Robin Wright. So it's a two-day conference today and tomorrow in New York City. And it was like, wow.
PERINO: Smart people.
GUILFOYLE: Mind-opening, right. Revolutionary.
WATTERS: All right. So "Watters' World" this weekend, we have a very big lineup. We have Eric Trump, Kellyanne Conway, and Dean Cain.
And as you also know, we did an offensive Halloween costume edition, and we're debuting a new feature. It's called "Texts That Haven't Aged Well" - excuse me, "Tweets That Haven't Aged Well." We're going to run those for you at the top of the show. You'll love it.
PERINO: Pretty funny.
GUTFELD: Yes. You don't want it to be texts.
PERINO: It could be from your mom.
All right. Greg.
WATTERS: Another thing.
GUTFELD: The "G.G. Show," which is 10 p.m. on Saturday. We've got Kevin Sorbo. I hear he's got a movie out. There's Tom Shillue on the left there. And there's Kat Timpf, having a birthday this weekend. And Tyrus! So it's going to be a fun show.
Now, Donald Trump had some kids over trick-or-treating at the White House. They were the offspring of the media. And I love this, because even with the children of the -- Donald Trump couldn't help but rip the media, their parents, to the children's faces. It's enjoyable.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, R-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I cannot believe the media produced such beautiful children. You're going to grow up to be like your parents? Don't answer. That can only get me in trouble, that question.
So how does the press treat you? I bet you get treated better by the press than anybody in the world, right? You did a good job. You did a good job. Here, you did a good job.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: By the way, if you notice, there was my favorite costume of all time in the back there. A unicorn.
GUILFOYLE: Look! How cute.
Don't you think that's so funny?
PERINO: I think that's a fun little event.
GUTFELD: It's -- it's white.
President Trump is the most entertaining politician I think we've ever had.
GUTFELD: That is hilarious.
Today, when we talked about one of the things that one of the guys had said, was that Donald Trump was one of the biggest, like, disruptors that we've seen in the past; and that kind of volatility brings about change, it can be good.
GUTFELD: I'm a disruptor.
GUILFOYLE: Every day, which is why it works here.
GUTFELD: That's why I go to the doctor.
PERINO: Amen, the producers say in the ear.
All right. Richard.
FOWLER: Well, this past week was my mother's birthday.
GUILFOYLE: Happy birthday!
FOWLER: So happy birthday to my mom.
PERINO: There she is.
FOWLER: There is Mama Dukes, Pauline. It was her birthday. And so I thought that I would give some -- and my mom is a single mother, so I thought I would give advice to single mothers. So Fowler's advice for single mothers, especially those raising boys.
This is going to be a tough one. It took me a long time to write this. So first, I want to tell you that it is OK. You are doing way, way, way better than you think you are.
And I want to say to you that they're listening. We are listening. It might not seem like it, because we're distracted with the cell phones, the Xbox, the PlayStation, the TV, but we hear you. And we are listening.
So single mother, moms out there? We are listening, and you're doing way better than you think you are.
PERINO: Toughest job in America.
FOWLER: And I tried to do this without looking at Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: Thank you, Richard.
FOWLER: If I'd looked at K.G., I think I might've cried.
GUILFOYLE: Aww. (GIVES RICHARD A HUG)
GUTFELD: She makes me cry every day.
PERINO: Hey, I remember the name of the song.
GUILFOYLE: That's earned (ph).
GUTFELD: What's the name of the song?
PERINO: The song that I -- from "Facebook Friday." It's "Like my Dog" by Billy Currington.
GUTFELD: Oh, there you go.
PERINO: About how the dog doesn't ask him where he's been or, like, to do the dishes or anything. The dog just loves him because he's who he is.
GUTFELD: Yes, but a dog doesn't expect anything of you, so you could end up being just a horrible person. Dogs have very low expectations.
PERINO: You cannot be a horrible person around a dog. I mean, unless you're abusing the dog. And that's a real -- obviously, very inappropriate.
GUTFELD: I wasn't going there, Dana.
PERINO: What were you going?
GUTFELD: I was just talking about how terrible a person you are around Jasper.
PERINO: I am a pretty bad person.
GUTFELD: Awful person, because Jasper just lets you do whatever you want.
PERINO: We'll continue that discussion next week. Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next.
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