Guns top Christmas lists

As peace on Earth is under threat, a piece in hand seems about right


This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 23, 2015. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Good day, I'm Greg Gutfeld, can Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling and she went to the prom in a matchbox car, Dana Perino -- "The Five."

People are ringing in the holidays with something truly ear-ringing: guns.

It's true, the top stocking stuffer is a creep snuffer. Last month the FBI ran two million background checks, a 24 percent jump from last year as gun sales soared like Michael Moore's blood pressure in the busiest month for such buys. This is no cause for celebration or alarm. It's just a sign of the times: A new era that says you're on your own. As peace on Earth is under threat, a piece in hand seems about right.

You can thank two factors: A new imported terror, one that isn't preventable, only mitigated. Given that victims are picked for vulnerability and lack of escape, it's likely you will spend time with terrorists before the cops ever get there. So one must harden every soft target. Meaning if you're going to get a surprise visit, best to surprise them first.

The other factor? Our government is more focused on gun owners than terrorists. Their blanket smear of firepower lumps security with savagery. Seeing no difference between your bullets and theirs, it's all just one big tub of death. It's like grouping lightning and a lamp under "bright things."

That makes gun owners wisely nervous. So it's no surprise that today, there is many holsters as there are ho, ho, hos. And it is our wish that in this holy season the jihadists will be the holiest of all: cleanly ventilated by a recent purchase.

It beats a Starbucks gift card.

So Juan, anyone buy you a gun for Christmas?

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: No, although, you know, Lars Larson the talk show host always says he wants to give my wife a gun because she had some trouble and wanted a gun at one point. I can't tell you how much I know that the first person that would be the victim of your gun would be...


WILLIAMS: Yeah. Imagine that. "The Five" would have to have a funeral procession.


GUTFELD: I would say Juan come over, but can you climb through the window?

This black guy is coming through my window.


Serious black man coming through the window. Juan, I would never do that.

WILLIAMS: No, of course not, no, I trust you, Gregory.

GUTFELD: So Eric, this is crazy. I mean, Democratic Attorney General of Virginia has decided against concealed carry reciprocity outside the legislature. Which I just -- those were a string of words I don't understand. But he's basically saying that if you have a gun, it's no longer...

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Right, so in many states, not all states, but in many states if you have a concealed carry it's valid in other states. New York happens to be not one of those.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Like your driver's license.

BOLLING: Like your driver's license. But New York is not one of them. But in Virginia it had been up until I believe yesterday. Where he signed into -- by executive order I guess. He said we're not going to allow driver's licenses or gun permits the way the driver's license works, in our state and you have to apply for a concealed carry in your own state. Jacking up the gun control laws makes it very difficult.

Can I just point something out? Twice gun sales have spiked in the last 10 years. Number one in 2009 when President Obama was sworn into office. He made it very clear gun control was going to be one of his top issues in his presidency. And number two, over the last couple of weeks when President Obama stepped up the rhetoric on gun control, even with things like Paris and San Bernardino. He'll be asked about things like Paris and San Bernardino terror, immediately pivoted for mass shootings. People see that and say I'm getting in before he gets what he wants and gets guns out of our hands and they're buying guns.

WILLIAMS: Do you think there's anything to do with the gun manufacturers stirring fear in order to generate more sales?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They didn't have to.


WILLIAMS: No, no, no. Hold on. You said the first spike was when Obama was elected...

BOLLING: And he started saying...

WILLIAMS: And Obama has done nothing, nothing to limit your gun rights.

BOLLING: Nothing to limit our gun rights? Well he's pressuring states to up their ante on gun control.

WILLIAMS: What? To say you should have background checks?

BOLLING: No, but there's background checks, there's been rhetoric of national registry. They're talking...

WILLIAMS: I think most Americans back background checks.


GUTFELD: ... back wouldn't have done anything to stop these...


WILLIAMS: That's fair but I'm just saying that's all what the President has done and answer to Eric's point.

BURGESS: But yes, the President wants things that don't work. Why do you think the Attorney General did this in Virginia? What's your theory...

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I have a theory. OK, so, I think we're going to see a lot more of this. Virginia is only the first of what I think will be many. Virginia had agreements with 25 other states, which basically said if you got your concealed carry permit and that state we have an agreement with, you can have it here as well. So now that that's ended, I actually think there's going to be more of it, because, here's my theory, the former mayor of New York City, the billionaire Michael Bloomberg, had dedicated $50 million to an anti-gun group called "Everytown," in Virginia in particular, he spent $2.2 million on two state senate races to try to elect Democrats to try to flip the state legislature in Virginia because they wanted to do more gun control there.

He lost both of those races, and I think the Democratic Attorney General was figuring out a way to do some sort of a pay-back to Bloomberg for the support, even though they weren't able to get the legislative seats won. They were able to do some sort of executive piece. Now, that was only $2.2 million in Virginia he's committed another $48 million to every town, which I think is going to mean that every state if they have one of these reciprocity agreements, if there's a Democratic attorney general, watch out. Because I think this is their next move. How is that for a theory?

GUTFELD: That is quite a theory. And it wasn't a short one either. Kimberly, tell me you have a gun in New York City. And...

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: I can't tell you that, what are you talking about?

GUTFELD: I know, but if you don't have one, please rant for the next minute on why it's unfair that you don't have a gun.

GUILFOYLE: No, no, no, I'm not going to do either. Secrets sometimes are best kept to one's self. I think it's a bad idea to have a war on guns. And that's what it seems like this administration is more interested in waging a war on the second amendment, on gun rights and those that carry guns lawfully than they are against the terrorists that do to seek us harm here in this country. That to me seems to be a complete policy fail.

And it's evidence to buy the record number of gun sales during this administration because people see it. When you all acts of terrorism, gun violence or you know, workplace violence, you're really missing the mark. And they still seem to be unable to get it right.

WILLIAMS: Is it no concern to you that we have so many guns and such easy access to guns in this country?

GUTFELD: Not when you look at the research and you find more guns, there's less crime.


GUTFELD: Yes. It's hard to believe, look at the research...

WILLIAMS: I don't believe it's true. Let me just say. I tell you where I see crime, I see crime on street corners in this country where people shoot at you and even drive by you while you're just sitting on your porch or you're accidentally in a situation where your spouse or friends use guns against you or people commit suicide with guns. That's what...

GUTFELD: Can you just throw the number again, again, these are the hard numbers. Guns ownership, firearm ownership in America has doubled in the last 20 years.

WILLIAMS: That's a fact.

BOLLING: Number of guns. The violent crime rate has halved in that same period of time. As more guns were bought and owned...

WILLIAMS: Do you think there's a correlation?

BOLLING: I'm giving you the numbers. You figure out...

WILLIAMS: I'm telling you there's no correlation. I'm telling you gun deaths are up.

GUTFELD: But you're lumping it into suicides -- suicides, there's no intent for somebody to hurt you when they're killing themselves. It's a terrible thing.

WILLIAMS: Yes, I don't support that.

GUTFELD: I don't, either.


GUTFELD: I'm glad we agree. Suicide is bad.


GUTFELD: But what I'm saying is, it's different than homicide. It's different than somebody trying to kill you, so that's a bit deceptive when you put those things together.

PERINO: Did you call the police on Juan?

GUTFELD: You can you hear the sirens.

But no, the research is clear that surveys show that felons are less likely to target somebody who may be armed. It's like having a squad car in front of your house or having an alarm sticker on your house. People when they see an impediment, they stay away.

PERINO: Can I add another theory?


PERINO: About the Virginia thing? So I think that the Republicans and Democrats must have very different polling for the presidential race and maybe other electoral politics, because Virginia is a must-win state for either party in the presidential election. So Hillary Clinton has doubled down on her rhetoric, following of President Obama's footsteps about gun control. And then on the other side you see that Republicans are actually winning in states where gun control is less favorable. So, I think it must be very interesting. I would love to see the internal polls from both sides because I think they're saying two very different things.

WILLIAMS: Well you don't have to look too far. I mean, who owns guns in America? Its white men in the south, mostly older men. And increasing now...

BOLLING: The North...

WILLIAMS: Yes, but increasingly you see women now being targeted as, you know, to buy guns. But what you have is a real distinct break here. And I think you're on to something with the Bloomberg money.

BOLLING: Would you come shooting with me, Juan? Just once.

WILLIAMS: Hang on, hang on. I would say this to you, Dana. Don't forget the NRA, they don't -- not that they necessarily put money into the candidates, but they will, not only score your votes in Congress.


WILLIAMS: They will take you on in terms of giving money to your opponent and running ads against you everywhere in the country.

PERINO: The same thing that Michael Bloomberg is doing.

WILLIAMS: That's what I was saying to you.

GUTFELD: You know, Kimberly, you know what's driving me crazy? Whenever they talk about guns, they talk about, "Oh we don't want to go back to the Wild West." So I looked at the statistics on the Wild West. In the cattle towns in the years between 1870 and 1885, there was 1.5 murder per town per season. That's a lower murder rate than today in most big cities, meaning the Wild West was preferable.

GUILFOYLE: Definitely. I mean, they seem to have lesser crime, right? You knew what was coming at you if you tried to break the law or act up.

GUTFELD: That's true, and you didn't have law enforcement nearby, so had you to take care of yourself, which is exactly what's happening with terror. People have to take care of themselves when it comes to terror because we're letting them in.

GUILFOYLE: And again, this isn't a radical change or a policy we're trying to enact here. We're just saying respect the second amendment.

WILLIAMS: You really think it's about terror?

BOLLING: Yes, it is.

WILLIAMS: I think in part. But I think this is way predated that.

GUTFELD: I don't know. Terror reinforces the instinct of self-reliance. Just like in the Wild West, if you're a victim of the terror attack, the first person you're going to see is a terrorist, not a cop. So you have to deal with that terrorist.

WILLIAMS: What's more likely, that a terrorist is coming to your neck of the woods? Or a bad guy, a drug dealer?

GUTFELD: Well you know what? I don't like either of them.

WILLIAMS: Thank you, I agree.

PERINO: A gun is helpful for both.

BOLLING: Because both of those people are coming with a gun.

WILLIAMS: They're coming with a gun. You know where they got it? They got it in Virginia where there's easy access to guns. New York has gun laws.

BOLLING: If the terrorists and r the bad guys coming at you with a gun you better be armed.

WILLIAMS: Better be armed? I want Kimberly just to defend me.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I want your wife to be armed.

WILLIAMS: Oh my god. See new she's trying to get me.

GUTFELD: I want to add that. OK. Ahead, Ted Cruz takes down the "Washington Post" for depicting his young daughters as monkeys. In a cartoon you're going to hear all about it and from him, next.


PERINO: Senator Ted Cruz has a message for the mainstream media -- don't mess with his children or those of any other 2016 contender. The "Washington Post" has pulled a cartoon that depicts the GOP candidate's young daughters as trained monkeys, after Cruz slammed the paper. Cartoonist Ann Telnaes attempted to justify her decision to mock the Senator's kids, saying they were fair game since they were already featured in a political ad. But the Post's editorial page editor does not agree and retracted the drawing, admitting that he had not looked at it before it was published. Cruz addressed the controversy earlier today.


TED CRUZ, (R) U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I have to admit, yesterday when I saw that cartoon, not much ticks me off. But making fun of my girls? That will do it. It used to be for a long time the rules across the board, that kids are off-limits that should be the rules. Don't mess with my kids, don't mess with Marco's kids, don't mess with Hillary's kids. There shouldn't be a partisan law and it should be true for both Democrats and Republicans, we ought to agree, leave our kids alone.


PERINO: I think, actually, I think everybody probably agrees with Ted Cruz. At least nobody is saying they disagreed with the Post's decision to pull it.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, of course they should have pulled it. But they shouldn't have done it to begin with. It was mean spirited. It's not nice or funny. I mean calling his little girls monkeys, and then we're talking about it earlier, I mean they're Hispanic, they're Latin and it's like monkeys running. I'm telling you, if this was on other side there would be a whole uproar, this would be racist in addition to being insensitive and kids, you know, should be off limits for campaign. So, I think it was in very poor taste.

PERINO: But remember, Eric, this -- remember this young woman that worked on Capitol Hill, her name was Elizabeth Lawton and I think we have a picture of her. She tweeted something about the Obama twins. And this is just her own commentary. This is just -- she was a staffer on Capitol Hill. She basically said that she thought that they should dress better for an occasion that they shouldn't roll their eyes and whatever.

She got run out of town. She lost her job.

BOLLING: Wasn't the...

GUILFOYLE: The turkey party (ph) or something, yeah.


BOLLING: There were a few occurrences of this. But look at it this way, I agree. Yes, if it were on the left -- can you imagine if it was President Obama, they would go apoplectic. (Inaudible), kids should be off limits. But Ted Cruz is turning this a little and using it to his advantage. He's fundraising off of it and he's getting a lot of money for it, so good for him.

PERINO: Yes I got you, it sort of works out. Double standards of politics, do you think that family should just be off-limits altogether?

GUTFELD: I guess so. But -- can I focus on the cartoon?


GUTFELD: Santa, since when does Santa have monkeys? I mean this is how...

GUILFOYLE: It's better if they were reindeer.

GUTFELD: This is how incompetent this hack is. She is so bad at her job that she used incorrect symbolism in trying to make a message out of Santa and using organ grinders, she couldn't even come up with a cloud. That says ominous foreboding ahead. She is so bad -- she won a Pulitzer Prize. How does somebody -- do they give serial boxes away in cereal boxes?

99 percent -- 90 percent of all of these editorial cartoonists are terrible. There's one guy Ramirez who's good. Ramirez is great. But the worst is Herblock, do you guys remember Herblock? Awful.

PERINO: He used to work at the "Washington Post," not that that has any bearing on anything. But, do you think there's a double standard for conservatives versus liberals when it comes to this kind of thing? Or is that just looking too much into it?

WILLIAMS: I'm thinking about it because I was giving your argument serious consideration. I do know this, that if you think about what happened with Charlie Hebdo, and the fact that they were mocking Mohammed, right? Making fun of the Prophet Mohammed and the Muslims got very upset with that. Remember, I think that in this country, you would say, of course you can mock the Prophet Mohammed, you can mock Jesus, you can mock anybody you like. And you can mock politicians.

The thing is, I think we have a general, good and healthy standard that says leave kids out of it. The question I would raise that one that Kimberly mentioned earlier, he had the kids in the ad, right? I think you actually raised it.

PERINO: A lot of people have their kids with them.


BOLLING: Did "Washpo" play the -- run the Charlie Hebdo ad, the Mohammed ad, the cartoon?

WILLIAMS: I think they did. No I think "The New York Times" did and the "Washington Post" showed inside. But you were right, the American media was very cautious about it. That's your point.

BOLLING: And them specifically.

PERINO: Just switching topics a little bit because Eric was saying that Ted Cruz was doing well on this issue. He's also -- he and Trump continued to do very well in the polls, let's take a look at the CNN poll. Who would you support for the Republican presidential nomination, trump way out ahead, 38 percent, Cruz at 18 percent and Carson and Rubio around 10 percent.

There was news today, Eric, that Carson sort of dropped out there, that he might have sort of soft of a campaign shake-up and personnel change to revamp his campaign.

BOLLING: Yes, I heard that, but I also saw Chris Christie asked if you -- about Donald Trump and Christie now is jumping on the Cruz bandwagon of let's not mess with Trump. I mean he was literally, I think it was Jake Tapper, Jake Tapper maybe last night. And Chris said, "No I'm not going to comment on Trump." So, I don't know, maybe that's the contagion on the rest of the GOP candidates.

PERINO: I was just told that Carson issued a statement, it just came up on the wires, it says, we are refining some operational practices and streamlines and stuff assignments to more aptly match the tasks ahead. But my senior team remains in place of my full confidence and I will continue to execute our campaign plan." I think this is bizarre, right? I don't think this is inspiring conference if you say something on the record that you might have a shakeup and then you issue a statement an hour and half later that says, no, no everything is still OK. It doesn't sound very solid to me.

GUILFOYLE: It sounds like someone may need a campaign shake up because they're no on point.

GUTFELD: He doesn't need a campaign shakeup he needs a campaign wake-up. That's the issue, Ben Carson is a very charming person but as he got into the debate...

PERINO: Saying he's low energy?

GUTFELD: Yes. But he's so laid back. He's like the Fonzie of candidates.

WILLIAMS: Well here's the bigger problem, he spends money wildly.

GUTFELD: Oh really?

WILLIAMS: Yes. I mean what they call -- so-called on the campaign.


No, no -- yes, listen I'm talking politics.

PERINO: Yes of course.

WILLIAMS: On the campaign. And it's now -- he's raised a good amount of money but actually spent more than he's raised. So the question is, where all these money going? What's he doing? They said they're buying ads in advance but it's not having any results. And then he's not been on the campaign trail. He was off selling his book for a while, remember he took the trip overseas because he looked like he was in over his head when it came to discussing your favorite issue, national security and foreign policy.

PERINO: All right. Well, it will be interesting to see what happens. Ahead, does Hillary Clinton have a running mate already? Juan thinks she does. She's going to tell you who that is, next.


WILLIAMS: Some people don't think it's wise for Hillary Clinton to defend President Obama's legacy. But she doesn't seem to agree. Here's what she told a questioner yesterday who said his progressive friends aren't so happy with the president's performance.


HILLARY CLINTON, (D) U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: What I would say to your friends is I am sorry that they're disappointed now with President Obama. I don't think President Obama gets the credit he deserves for doing so much for our country.


WILLIAMS: The Clinton team knows it needs Mr. Obama's help to turn out the vote among youth and minorities in November. And I'll tell you the truth, I think he's going to be her running mate in a way. I wrote a whole column about it today in the "Wall Street Journal." So my point, Dana, was she wants him in terms of getting out the Democratic base, but she's also going to have to contend with the fact that he stirs up Republican angst, animosity, he'll get Republicans to the polls.

PERINO: But one of the things that Obama was able to do in 2008 was to bring new voters and younger voters, first-time voters to the polls. And so, that helped him in the primary against her and then certainly helped in the campaign, the election against John McCain. The type of enthusiasm that he was able to garner does not seem to be materializing for Hillary Clinton yet. I'm not saying that it won't. So I can see that from a primary standpoint she is saying, yes I absolutely have to have his support and she's going to promote him.

The problem is then in a general election, a statement like that can come back to her because Obama's approval rating is around 43 percent, which is actually not terrible I think at this point. But here's the thing. The commenter was saying that they were upset with Obama from the left. They're not upset with Obama for the reasons that like Republicans would be upset with him. They think he hasn't done enough, hasn't gone far enough, hasn't achieved enough. And we know from 1992, '94, when Hillary Clinton was put in charge of health care reform and she had Hillary care. That would have been much farther to the left of where President Obama ended up with Obamacare. So we kind of can see where she's headed which is farther to the left of Obama if can you believe that.

WILLIAMS: So Kimberly, Ii think she's also trying to separate herself out on the national security issue. And say she's more hawkish than Obama. And apparently voters are responding. A lot of voters think that she is stronger on this issue than President Obama.

GUILFOYLE: Well maybe because they didn't think it couldn't be worse, right? I mean that's all it is. I don't see any evidence in her actual record to suggest that. I mean she was pretty good at during her failed time as secretary of state, of putting guns in the hands of the wrong people in Syria and Iraq and other places, so good job on that, arming everybody. But other than that I think she should stick with Bill Clinton.

Much better choice, he's far less polarizing, he's very, you know, likable. That's somebody that she should stick with and use to her advantage out there campaigning. It's like a package deal and it works very well. And, you know, he's charming, he's a good person in terms of getting out there talking to people, like hands on.

WILLIAMS: I think he's terrific.

BOLLING: Knows his way around the White House.

WILLIAMS: I'm going to flip past that...

GUTFELD: It truly is a package deal.

WILLIAMS: All right.

GUTFELD: I mean, it's true, you get both of them.

WILLIAMS: Well, you will? So he'll stir up, but I think the attack dog will be President Obama on the issues going after Republicans. I think that's what he's already doing.

GUTFELD: I think you know what she should do, what Hillary should do to win? She should pull a Rachel Dolezal and declare that she's black. And she could be the first black woman running for president, another historical first. And no one could deny it, because we know that identity is fluid. How about that?

BOLLING: She'll identify as African-American?


BOLLING: That's a great idea.

GUTFELD: I think so.

BOLLING: I think this is all about money. I think she needs the Obama support, the grassroots support of the donors, because her donors seem to be a little nervous about what's going on lately.

WILLIAMS: Why do you say that?

BOLLING: Well, they're nervous on where she is. Is she Wall Street? Is she a war hawk? Or is she for women's issues and income equality? I mean, because she -- can she be all of them? I don't know.

WILLIAMS: Well, the question is -- I think the real question is, how does she get people excited? I know you guys here, you're always saying to me, look at her trustworthiness. People aren't, you know, excited about her. They don't trust her. How's she going to win?

I think Obama comes in, and he's like a lightning rod, and he excites people, for better or for worse.

GUILFOYLE: Guess who he excites? Republicans to go out and vote against Hillary. Every time they see Obama they go, hell no, not again.

GUTFELD: Hillary has a problem that the Republican Party wishes -- wishes it had, which is uniformity and lockstep.


GUTFELD: The Democratic Party functions as a cult. Right now the Republicans are a carnival. They need to be more cult-like.

BOLLING: Can someone tell us if we can, if the former president can be a vice president? Now, we know he can't be a president again. But if the president passes away, and the vice president was a former president, can he be a president?

WILLIAMS: I don't think he can do that. I think there's some debate. But I think it's all kinds of arcane. But the reality is I don't think they allow that kind of thing.

I will say this. We haven't seen a president...

BOLLING: Whether it's constitutional or not.

WILLIAMS: We haven't seen an act -- a president out on the campaign trail since Ronald Reagan for Vice President George H.W. So this would be different. We'll see how this plays out.

BOLLING: He's not getting on the campaign trail for her.

PERINO: And there wasn't much of that.

BOLLING: You think he's going to get on the campaign trail?

PERINO: I think he already is.

WILLIAMS: I agree with Dana.

BOLLING: They can't stand each other, Clinton and Obama.

PERINO: But more important...

GUILFOYLE: He wants his legacy preserved. She's going to be like a little potholder.

WILLIAMS: Listen to wisdom.

BOLLING: ... see President Obama on the campaign trail for Hillary Clinton.

WILLIAMS: You watch, dude.

GUTFELD: Where's Joe Biden?


GUTFELD: Just asking.

WILLIAMS: Where's Joe Biden?


WILLIAMS: Wasn't he over in, like, Ukraine or Poland?

GUTFELD: Perhaps.


PERINO: Point made.

WILLIAMS: All right. Directly, ahead, a stunning near miss on the slopes caught on tape. See what almost struck a racing skier, next, in Eric's "Fastest Seven."


BOLLING: Welcome back. Time for...


GRAPHIC: Fastest 7


BOLLING: ... "The Fastest Seven Minutes on Television." Three sporty stores, seven scintillating minutes, one steadfast host.

First up, there was almost a drone strike in Europe yesterday but not to take out terrorists. Watch what almost happened to a World Cup champion skier, Marcel Hirscher, during a slalom race in Italy.

The Austrian nearly got crushed by a runaway camera drone. Here it is again in slow motion.


BOLLING: And luckily he wasn't hurt. Camera drones are now banned at cup ski competition. One of the -- one of the new technologies...

GUTFELD: Yes. But that made it interesting. But you know what? It's true. I have to -- the serious point that the San Bernardino terrorists, they used remote-controlled cars that they didn't -- to put bombs on. Imagine that from the sky, and that's something we have to think about with these drones, is that they're going to be used.

PERINO: In that book that you're reading?

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm obsessed with the future of violence. I should just shut up about it. I'm driving everybody crazy.

BOLLING: And I think I read now if you buy a drone, even for this Christmas, you have to pay some sort of a registration fee. And the fee is going to going towards making sure drones aren't flying into airplanes.

PERINO: Can you imagine? The person operating that must have had a heart attack. Do we know what happened to the camera man or the operator?

GUTFELD: Was it part of the network? I don't know.

BOLLING: I would think you would have to be part of the network. You know what drones are used for now?

GUILFOYLE: I mean, you have to be -- yes...

BOLLING: Wedding. Outdoor weddings, there are drones all over the place now.

GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I'm very worried about them. Ronan got one, and I'm like, does this thing have a camera on it?

GUILFOYLE: Of course. That's the point.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. It's really terrible. I don't know, I don't trust them at all. Except for Amazon, which is...

GUTFELD: No more a guy in a tree looking in your window.

BOLLING: Well, Juan...

GUILFOYLE: Greg, you don't have to climb any more outside my window.

WILLIAMS: That would be quite entertaining. But I was entertained by Greg's suggestion. I thought you were saying let's drop drones on the skiers as they go down the hill, that would make it more interesting.

GUTFELD: Yes. That was a joke.

WILLIAMS: Oh, it was a joke? I thought it was...


BOLLING: Let's move on to this one. Next up, fans are used to seeing fights during hockey games. But this could be the first one filled with holiday cheer.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Gives it to Edmundson, a backhand, and bounces off a body. Squared off here. As Tyler Randall (ph) and Ryan Reed (ph), ho, ho, ho, this could be something.

(singing): We wish you a merry Christmas. We wish you a merry Christmas. We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

(on camera): There go Ikes (ph) and Reeves (ph). Randall gets up and presses.


BOLLING: You've got to stay on your feet. Once you go to the ice, they break the fight up. Stay on your feet. It's much better.

That was the announcer Jack Edwards getting into the Christmas spirit during the blowout Bruins/Blues game last night -- K.G.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I mean, I don't know. Fighting like that when you're on skates with those blades? It's so, it's scary.

BOLLING: It's hockey, baby.

PERINO: You hear the crowd, it was like ancient Rome.

GUILFOYLE: They like it, they love the whole fighting. I think it's expected in hockey is the problem.

BOLLING: If they -- if they stop fighting, hockey attendance is going to drop like a rock.

GUTFELD: It's part of the appeal. It's a great metaphor for the Republican debates.


BOLLING: You want to see the puck.

GUTFELD: There you go.

BOLLING: You're a sports guy.

WILLIAMS: I just don't like it, but I don't know. I think I have some feelings about the way they fight. You know, unlike hockey, unlike basketball or baseball, even football, these guys really go at each other.

BOLLING: They let them go, like you said, on the ice.

All right. And finally our president has spent a massive amount of time playing golf throughout his years in office. He'd better be good at it by now. He showed off a bit on vacation in Hawaii this week, and the press loved it.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Yes!



PERINO: I like the cap.

WILLIAMS: Everyone loves it.

PERINO: Merry Christmas to President Obama. I mean, that's got to be his favorite -- that's got to be the best thing that ever happened for him, like on a Christmas day of late. He has to be really happy with that.

GUTFELD: I -- I'm going to explode.


GUTFELD: He just came back from Paris, talking up this climate change conference. And then he goes to play golf. There are two million acres of golf courses that require four billion gallons of water a day. Think of the pesticides, the carbon footprint of all of those power mowers. Every time he sinks a putt, a polar bear dies. What hypocrisy is this?

BOLLING: K.G., my biggest problem with this whole story.

GUILFOYLE: At least he can golf.

WILLIAMS: There you go. I'm all for that, girl.


BOLLING: He's not that great of a golfer.

WILLIAMS: He's not bad.

BOLLING: Does he cheat?

WILLIAMS: I never heard that.

PERINO: Have you ever heard that? I never heard that he cheats.

BOLLING: No, but I've heard he...

GUILFOYLE: Practice makes perfect.

GUTFELD: He used to have a lot of mulligans? Right? Wasn't he known for mulligans?

PERINO: No, no, no.

BOLLING: Never. That was Clinton.

PERINO: Come on.

GUTFELD: Clinton.

PERINO: Clinton.

GUTFELD: Clinton had a lot of mulligans. That meant something else.

PERINO: That's like do another.

BOLLING: All right. We'll leave it right there.

WILLIAMS: Whoa! Do over.

PERINO: Do over, sorry.

BOLLING: Do over.

Kimberly is about to tell you our Christmas special, all about it tomorrow, plus tips on how to keep everything merry at the dinner table with family this Christmas. Stay tuned.


GUILFOYLE: It's the eve of Christmas Eve, and you know what that means? Tomorrow is "The Five's" Christmas special. Also Christmas day, right? Set your DVRs now for 5 p.m. Eastern. We're going to have lots of fun and surprises, including our annual secret Santa reveal. Who gave who what? As a present. Don't miss it.

Speaking of Christmas, you don't want holiday cheer to turn into yuletide tensions, do you? No, no, you do not. So what's the best way to avoid any issues around the dinner table this year? Here are some helpful online suggestions.

Now if you're hosting one of these soirees, seat your guests accordingly. Don't put someone next to a person they've had clashes with before. Bad idea.

Another tip, invite new people. Sometimes it can help to have a new face at the table to change the dynamics. Interesting idea. Looking around.

And this is a good one. Serve alcohol limitedly, right? No explanation needed, especially if Greg is a last-minute invite to your table. Why face that? Hurt feelings.

GUTFELD: Every one of these segments is designed for dealing with stress with your relatives. But what if you are the stress that the article is actually preparing them for?

So I say you create strategies to counter the tips that they're giving you. So show up when you want, sit where you want, and bring really creepy strangers that you don't even know that you just met at the Port Authority.

PERINO: And arrive drunk.

GUTFELD: Exactly. And then going into the medicine cabinet and make a concoction of every -- every interesting pill.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. We should issue a disclaimer at this time. Don't try that at home. And this shows why Dana canceled Greg's Thanksgiving invite. Remember that?

PERINO: I invited and disinvited.

GUTFELD: Get the good drugs. No, I'm kidding. Don't do that, America.

GUILFOYLE: Don't steal people's prescription pharmaceuticals. What if they actually need them to prevent seizures?

GUTFELD: I am wrong, that's true.


PERINO: During the holiday season, all the way from Thanksgiving through to now everybody keeps talking about, and we have these segments where we talk about how to best deal with the family that you don't want to be with. And I think the better strategy is just embrace it. For one day, one dinner, just enjoy it. There are a lot of people who can't be with their families this time of year. So I'm just going to enjoy it.

Not that I have a problem with anyone in my family.

GUTFELD: Yes. Nice job.

GUILFOYLE: Nice recovery. Face told the tale, though.

All right. Bolling, what do you think? I like your idea best. You go away.

BOLLING: We go away for the holidays. But I will say that, if you have a group of at least ten, 12, group of people who sit around the table, this is a really cool thing to do. And it happened to us, Adrianne and I once, and we hated it at first. By the end we were talking about how great of an idea it was. You mix everyone up. So typically couples sit together. Even if you sit with people you don't know, split the couples up, too. Just randomly put people in different places.

GUTFELD: You are clothed?

BOLLING: And you're clothed. At the start. Who knows what happens at the end.

GUILFOYLE: That's a different movie. I've watched that (ph).

BOLLING: You're literally forced to talk to people you would probably not talk to anyway, and you meet some really fascinating, learn some fascinating things.

PERINO: you talk about the weather and things like that.

Stranger danger, remember that conversation?

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. I know. You go to events and go to see the things all the time and always have to entertain the entire table, the entire room and the whole thing, woo! Sometimes if you go to something that -- you'd like to be with the person that you came with, sit next to them and spend a little time together.

GUTFELD: You are in -- you are in such a bad mood.

GUILFOYLE: Juan. am I right?

PERINO: You're right. Because everybody does that to you. Everyone makes K.G. Then they pass her off the people they don't want to talk to. Have you met Kimberly Guilfoyle?

GUILFOYLE: You've done this to me.

PERINO: I've done it to you, I know, and I'm apologizing. I will not do it in 2016.

GUTFELD: Juan, have you met Kimberly?

WILLIAMS: I wish. You know, I think it's interesting, is I hadn't thought...

GUILFOYLE: You have fun family stuff.

WILLIAMS: Well, what I haven't thought of your perspective, you know, what if you're the guy who causes the stress. But I -- my, in my family, what we do is everybody gets assignments, right? You know, somebody helps cutting the ham. Somebody helps cutting the turkey. Somebody is bringing this. Somebody's got to help set up the table.

Suddenly, it becomes more like -- was that, you know, Tom Sawyer, was it, or Huck Finn?

GUTFELD: people are painting?

WILLIAMS: Painting the fence. Everybody is involved, and it cuts down on a lot of the nonsense, because everybody is doing something.


PERINO: We have a new tradition that we are starting tomorrow. It will be the first inaugural...


PERINO: No, scavenger hunt. Family scavenger hunt, where there's going -- we're going to break up into teams. And, you know, Peter is in charge with our friend, Dr. Jeff Schyberg. They are putting it on tomorrow. So the reason I'm saying this on television is you two better have it done by the time I get there tomorrow.


GUILFOYLE: I would be so good at that.

GUTFELD: I'm sure there are people in New York who are doing their own scavenger hunts.

GUILFOYLE: And you're going to do the family photo shoot.

Right, Dana, you're going to take the pictures?

PERINO: Yes, there's a family photo at 2 p.m. Everybody be prepared.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, OK. Green (ph) photos. Always charming.

"One More Thing" is up next. God, it felt good to say that, right?


RICK REICHMUTH, FOX NEWS METEOROLOGIST: I'm meteorologist Rick Reichmuth.

Two days before Christmas and potentially the worst tornado outbreak of the entire year under way. Tornado watches extend from parts of the Upper Mississippi Valley, all the way down through the Lower Mississippi Valley. Many watches in effect, one of them very concerning.

Here across parts of western Tennessee and northern Mississippi, many tornado warnings ongoing. And we could be looking at some very large, long-lasting destructive tornadoes that continue throughout the overnight hours when it becomes dark. This is the bull's eye for tornadoes throughout the night tonight. There will certainly be very strong wind, damaging wind and a lot of hail.

But the tornadoes, potentially destructive, will be ongoing. This is a night you need a NOAA weather radio. You need to find a way to be able to take cover if you need. This will go on through the overnight hours. Tomorrow a little bit less, but the next six to eight hours, very dangerous across central parts of the country. Now back to "The Five."

GUTFELD: Thanks, Rick. Wow, take cover. That sounds like serious business.

All right. "One More Thing." Up first, you've got two days, Christmas. Have you thought of anything? Get my book. You can order it. It will arrive on time. And the best part, you know how it will arrive? It will arrive by this.

Santa now has robot reindeer. Apparently, they had to lay off the original reindeers, because they were constantly pooping and eating, pooping and eating. And it's just a problem. It slows everything down. So now they're using robots.

BOLLING: They tried to unionize.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

BOLLING: Driving costs straight up.

GUTFELD: When you unionize, this is what happens, America.

GUILFOYLE: Wow. Those are really creepy looking.

GUTFELD: They are, but they're lovely, too.


PERINO: All right. There's this cool video that I saw, I saw on Facebook, and it's called Parker Puff.

Parker is a therapy dog. He works with cancer patients and children who are learning to read. He's also an animal actor, and on his Facebook page is this great Christmas dog with hands. Take a look.

OK. I'm the only one at the table that liked that. I love it.

BOLLING: I liked it.

GUILFOYLE: I think it was kind of scary.

BOLLING: A good boy.

PERINO: I'm going to try that.

GUTFELD: Dogs with hands.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, that can happen next Tuesday, is the problem.

OK. Well, I love Christmas, and I have a wonderful story for you, because two LAPD officers brought some Christmas cheer to a World War II veteran who is 94 years of age. She was recently injured and come out of the V.A. hospital. Neighbors were worried about him. They knocked on the door. They found that he was OK. He didn't have his hearing aids in.

The officers were so moved by him, and he had no relatives there, that they went, bought a Christmas tree, but then they ended up getting it for free, because the guy donated it. Set up the lights, came back, brought him some slippers and crossword puzzles and all kinds of fun presents and cookies, because the guy likes cookies. And so now he's got a merry Christmas, thanks to LAPD officers Abel Torres and Natalie Nunez. How sweet. God bless them. It's very, very nice.

BOLLING: Very nice.


BOLLING: One more time this week, "The O'Reilly Factor." I'll sit in and host. We're going to talk about Hillary's playing the victim. We'll expand on that a little bit. Ted Cruz versus the "Washington Post." Terror and the refugee crisis, what's the Christian angle? So that was the right thing to do. You're OK with that?

WILLIAMS: Yes. Good idea.

BOLLING: And the brand-new immigration numbers that the White House released today on a Wednesday before Christmas. Very interesting. Going to break it all down.


GUTFELD: All right. Good.


WILLIAMS: Well, Kwanzaa, please.

Anyway, so you know, Christmas is coming up, and Christmas is all about baby Jesus. And here at FOX, we love babies. And guess what? This year we've had some babies. Take a look. Take a look.

Here's Queenette's (ph) baby, who's three and a half months old, Ri-riyah (ph). And Queenette (ph), boy, you -- that's a beautiful baby. We love him.

All right. And then Lauren, Lauren had a baby. That's Lauren and Sam, Mom and Dad, in front of the Christmas tree with Marlee (ph), who's two months old. I think they're going down to Christmas.

And there's Mary Katherine Hamm with 1-month-old Garnet. And of course, Mary Katherine Ham has 2-year-old Georgia.

But then guess what? So this is at my daughter Reagan's house. She came down one morning, and there was Eli, with Pepper and Wesley as little reindeer.

You know, how do young people think up this stuff? And of course, they went out to the mall to visit with Santa, not -- that's not Greg in the beard. That's Santa, and there's Wesley having a very private conversation with old Saint Nick.

GUTFELD: Well done, Juan.

GUILFOYLE: What about Ainsley's baby, Hayden?

GUTFELD: That's it for us. Roll this, please. There's something in here. Reminder, don't miss our Christmas special, 5 p.m. tomorrow Eastern. "Special Report" next.

Content and Programming Copyright 2015 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2015 Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.