Hey, Republicans, it's pretty clear the economy's slowing down, so what are you going to do?
Better think fast because this recovery's sputtering fast.
Just today we heard auto sales fell in March.
And a key manufacturing reading slid to its lowest level in two years.
And completing this economic trying-fecta, news February construction spending dipped in February.
It's a grand old mess, so again, what's you gonna do, Grand Old Party?
And don't start screaming tax cuts!
You'll never get 'em under this president and besides, you guys can't even agree on 'em amongst yourselves.
So it's time to think outside the budget box and do something you probably never thought you'd hear me say.
Bust the budget now.
I know you probably think I'm mad, but trust me, there's a method to my madness.
Spend. A lot. And fast. Or you can kiss your majorities goodbye.
I'm telling 'ya rev it up or you guys are going down.
Because this economy needs stimulus.
But hear me out. Make it your stimulus .
Because a lot of Americans don't think you're too stimulating.
Actually, a lot of them think you're just a bunch of cheapskates.
They don't think you care, how about proving you do by paying off those college kids' student loan debt?
For every single student in debt. Not some. All.
And to make sure no other kid faces the same fate. You'll mandate free college for all.
Say that unlike the president, you don't pick and choose who gets the break. Everybody gets the break.
Just like every underwater homeowner gets a break.
Because, you Republicans are going to give each and all of 'em a break.
Now the fiscal hawks will say you're crazy.
That's when you say all the president's mortgage reworks that never work are what's crazy.
So you're gonna put a stop to all of 'em by forgiving all of them.
Oh, cheapskates will scream.
But you can say every foreclosure has stopped and all those distressed properties on the market are gone. And housing can take off.
Let it be known, that you will be the party that doesn't pick and choose who gets the goodies.
Everybody gets the goodies.
Call it an investment, while you're calling the president's bluff.
Say you're not about out-spending him, you're about out-investing him, and out-thinking him.
Let the tightwads go on a tear, they've always seemed wrapped too tight, to me.
Tell 'em to get on board investing in this country, or they can pic up their silly tea bags and leave this country.
Because this isn't the time for whiners.
This is the time for winners!
And winners think big! That's what spending big -- Republican big -- will get you right now.
Respect for a party that gets things done. On a scope and scale that's never been done.
Put the grand back in the Grand Old Party, even as you're ticking off the tightwads in your party.
They will always be cheap. Just like the will always be fools.
Because that's what their obsession with deficits have made them and you fools, all of you fools.
All April fools.
April fools, everyone.