So I'm outside yesterday leaving work, and a woman stops me to say how much she loves me.
I get this all the time.
We chat a bit and she goes on to tell me how much she appreciates my covering what the other guys won't.
Then she said something that really stuck with me.
"Neil, thank god you're not cool."
I told her, "is it that obvious?"
She laughed. I laughed. But she got me thinking. It happens sometimes.
I'm not cool. But I'm ok with that.
Good thing, because I never was cool.
But just admitting that to the mainstream media is very un-cool.
Because the mainstream media loves cool.
And ain't too big on not-cool.
And wouldn't you know it, not too big on Fox, because, to them, this whole network isn't cool.
Despite our huge ratings. Despite our huge audience.
They just dismiss the ratings. And even dismiss the audience. Dismiss you.
Say all of you folks watching are obviously not cool.
Now some of you listening might be confused.
So let me give you a quick mainstream media primer on what's cool and what's not cool, again, in the eyes of the mainstream media.
Here we go:
Tea Partiers. Not cool.
Occupy wall Streeters. Very cool.
Folks protesting for limited government. Not cool.
Folks protesting for more government. Very cool.
Taxing the rich. Cool.
Questioning taxes. Not cool.
More infrastructure spending. Always cool.
Questioning what happened with the billions already spent on infrastructure. Not cool.
Praising gay marriage. Always cool.
Praising traditional marriage. Not cool.
Raising the minimum wage. Cool.
Fearing doing so hurts jobs. Not cool.
Food stamps. Cool.
Questioning one in five Americans getting them. Not cool. Actually, selfish.
The health care law. Cool.
Fussing over its costs. Not cool, actually very selfish.
Gun control. Cool.
Questioning gun violence in movies. Not cool.
I could go on, but you get the point.
If you pray, you're weird.
If you like tax cuts, you're greedy.
If you think America's exceptional, you're arrogant.
If your definition of brave is a soldier who comes out of battle, and not an athlete who comes out of the closet, you should crawl back in your cave.
Because you're clueless, and callous, and heartless.
Because the things that might matter to you don't matter to them.
--the mainstream media, which ain't exactly pro-choice when it comes to values.
It's their values. Or you have no value.
My loss, I guess.
That's the thing about being the skunk at the picnic.
Everyone avoids you.
But they sure as hell know you're there, don't they?
Because I'm still a skunk.
And I'm still gonna create a stink.
So, mainstream media?
Get used to the smell.
Because I still plan on making your cool life hell.
Cool or not.