This is a rush transcript from "The Five," February 21, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Eric Bolling, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City. This is "The Five."
(MUSIC)
BOLLING: The final hours of the Sochi Olympics have been mired in controversy. Some are saying last night's figure skating competition was fixed by the Russians. In fact, the Russian skater stumbled and still won the gold. Meanwhile, the reigning gold medalist South Korean leader put up a seemingly perfect routine but dropped to silver.
American skaters current and former aren't happy.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ALEX WAGNER, U.S. FIGURE SKATER: I think that the system is too opaque. It's not clear enough to the audience and it needs to become more fan friendly so we can get a wider fan base. I think we need to get rid of the anonymous judging.
SCOTT HAMILTON, FORMER OLYMPIAN: Right now, the judges are members of their country's delegation. Already, it feels a little bit compromised.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Truth be told -- last night scoring the competition, there was a Russian judge and a Ukrainian judge, the Ukrainian has been caught fixing scores in the past, and the Russian judge happens to be married to the president of the Russian figure skating federation.
Wow. Welcome to Sochi, comrades.
Kimberly --
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: This is my favorite joke.
BOLLING: -- wow.
GUILFOYLE: It's kind of one of the only jokes that I know to be conversational. And I say, oh, yes, really? Was the Russian judge scoring that?
I even know this from like years ago. So, when you hear something like this, it's so bad. It's so obvious. But I mean, come on!
BOLLING: Come on.
Bob, did you watch?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: I did watch it, and it's not the first time a figure skater has been screwed, I can tell you that. And the -- by the Russians. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, you did.
BECKEL: I did mean it that way.
OK. See, immediately go into the tank thinking I'm going some place in a dirty world. I'm not.
OK, can I get back to this? The fact is they don't have a federation to oversee the judges. It's very random the way they pick `em. And the idea that these guys, I saw these routines. And the Russian fell down almost. I mean, she's a dog. So --
GUILFOYLE: It's not based on looks, Bob.
BOLLING: You mean skating --
BECKEL: I mean, that was a dog performance.
But the South Korean woman was brilliant.
BOLLING: She was. She had a flawless routine.
Dana, what about pulling -- maybe pulling the country that is involved, pulling that judge out just for that, scoring that person's routine? So, Russian skating -- the judge doesn't score that one?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I don't know how many figure skaters -- figure skating judges there are in the world. I would imagine it's probably, you know, there's not a high supply and demand situation going on, and I know in the United States, the judges, when they get certified, they have done a ton of effort, lots of studying, all the sort of testing. They have to wait years before they get the privilege of doing it.
So, maybe going to a federated system makes sense, but I don't know if that would be true for other Olympic sports then, too, like gymnastics.
BOLLING: Vladimir Putin was in the stands kind of like this, watching over the Russian judge and Ukrainian, going, hey, you know what is going on in the Ukraine right now.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Yes, that's just a mere coincidence. As a person who was married to a Russian woman, I can safely say.
GUILFOYLE: What are you -- aren't you still married?
GUTFELD: Yes, we are, I think.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God!
GUTFELD: As long as I say -- as long as I say that the Russian deserved the medal, which I clearly believe.
BECKEL: Come on.
GUTFELD: Look, I want to make a point here. We've got corrupt Russian judges. We've got a terrible economy. We've got worldwide strife. We've got a Jimmy Carter soul mate in the White House.
This truly is the 1970s. All that's missing are the lava lamps, the flares jeans, the mood rings and my back acne and it would be fully complete.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: By the way, they go to the tank for your old lady on that, man.
GUTFELD: Can I tell you something? Then, don't have events that involve judging. Have a criteria where you've got to be first or score the most points because who -- would you go and watch figure skating anywhere else? Do you know where to watch it? I don't.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: You can't put points on it. I mean, you can't put a time on it.
GUTFELD: They don't have it.
BECKEL: Don't have it?
GUTFELD: Don't have it.
BECKEL: You're knocking half of the Olympics.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
GUILFOYLE: Eric, how come they don't know any other judges that have been accused and found guilty of fixing scores? That's who is judging the Olympics?
BOLLING: That -- great point. That's the first indication you're not allowed to judge the Olympics if you get caught.
GUILFOYLE: Sleeping with the president of the -- come on, people, that's a little obvious.
BOLLING: Like politics.
BECKEL: It always seems to come back to the Eastern European bloc and the Russians who do this and the French, of course.
GUTFELD: Don't forget the Chinese.
BECKEL: That goes without saying.
GUTFELD: But you will say it.
BOLLING: I suppose you mention something about the Chinese. We'll talk about it later on the show.
Check out this viral video that's been going bananas on the Internet. What appears to be a wolf walking through the halls of the athletes dorm in Sochi. Watch.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
BOLLING: All right, cool video, right? The media ate it up. Listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Check out what luger Kate Hansen shared on Twitter.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The 17-second clip shows a large canine casually walk past her room.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: A wolf in the hallway, and I'm not talking Blitzer.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Shooting out from the door.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Outside her room in the Olympic Village.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Glad you're not in this hallway.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There's no word on it gotten on the Olympic Village.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: They've since gotten it out of there. There's stray dog problem. Maybe they also have a stray wolf problem.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: I'm not talking Blitzer.
All right. The media bought it like a line and sinker, but check out the real story behind the wolf in Sochi.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JIMMY KIMMEL, COMEDIAN: That was not a Russian wolf. That was an American wolf, and I know this because the wolf is backstage right now. We shot the video. And Kate Hansen posted it for us from her account and a media frenzy was born.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: So, Greg, it was great, right?
BECKEL: Great.
BOLLING: How does the media buy it? Everyone bought that.
GUTFELD: You know, Kimmel performs a valuable service because, let's face t we're all on this planet to fill a bucket. We get up in the morning. We look at "The Five." We've got to fill the five bucket.
All these people -- and they don't have time. We will one day fall for this.
So, we don't get too --
GUILFOYLE: I agree.
GUTFELD: We don't want to gloat. We don't want to gloat. I'm sure - -
GUILFOYLE: I fell for it.
GUTFELD: You did?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, yes. But thank God I was stopped because I was -- it was going to be my "One More Thing," cool wolf video, right? It's fake.
BECKEL: I did. It looked like Putin, Putin in drag.
GUILFOYLE: He always has a bare chest.
BECKEL: Putin is much bigger than that wolf --
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't want to get that close.
BOLLING: Do we point the finger at the media for biting on it? I mean --
GUTFELD: Yes.
BOLLING: How about making a phone call?
GUTFELD: It fell into the narrative that Sochi is a nightmare and these stray dogs. So, it was easy to buy into.
They also are very clever. They didn't make it a perfect tape. They had it look like it was a cell phone. So, people buy into it very easily. We're suckers.
BOLLING: Dana, what do you think?
PERINO: I wonder if I would have agreed to post something from my account like that, I think probably I would. Don't ask me.
I do wonder about the point that Greg just made, which is the Olympics has been this one story after another, something like this would actually not be out of the realm of possibility.
GUTFELD: Right, that's why it worked.
BECKEL: Look, you don't have toilet paper. You don't have shower curtains. You have to go to the bathroom next to somebody with no barrier.
GUILFOYLE: Sounds like a weekend with Bob.
BECKEL: Seriously, let's face -- let's down to -- with all due respect to your wife, Greg, Russian is a dump. Have you ever been there? I have been there twice, except for St. Petersburg. It's lovely. Moscow is a dump.
GUTFELD: Moscow is great. I have been there 12 times. You haven't been there since when, 1973?
BECKEL: 1991 or 1992.
GUTFELD: Yes, I was there a few years ago. It's a lot of fun. It makes New York look like --
BECKEL: Did they clean it up?
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, parts of it. The places I hang out.
PERINO: It's expensive.
BOLLING: I still say, am I wrong, K.G., pick up the phone and make a phone call to this athlete and say, hey, what's the story of that video you post, is it legit, before you run with it --
PERINO: Before you, yes --
BOLLING: Yes.
GUILFOYLE: Well, of course, but you have to fact check it, but sometimes you have a hot video coming in that seemed so --
BOLLING: So good, so darn good.
All right. A couple of fun clips to round out our Olympic coverage. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford loved it when the Canadian women's hockey team won a big one.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
BOLLING: Yes, he did.
BECKEL: That floor was in bad shape.
GUTFELD: Actually, I want to point out, he wasn't jumping about the Olympics. He just found out his dealer scored an eight ball.
PERINO: It sure does mean a lot up there in Toronto.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: I'd like to see Obama jumping up and down like that if we beat the darn --
BECKEL: Well, the fact he can get off the ground --
GUTFELD: He jumped up and down when our taxes go up.
BECKEL: No, I was just going to say -- the fact he could get up in the air like that in that way is a pretty good thing. But then again, when you take a lot of molly or any other kind of hallucinogenic, you could probably do that.
BOLLING: K.G., Rob Ford?
GUILFOYLE: I like him exercising. He looks like he's a stunt double in a Richard Simmons video. And it was pretty cool.
BECKEL: Would you like to date him?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, for sure, not.
BOLLING: Can we do this spoiler? If you don't want to know the Olympic medal standing, don't look up. Pull it up quickly if you don't mind. Can we do that?
There we are. United States, number one, Bob. On top of Russia, Canada, and Norway. We're tied for second in gold.
BECKEL: That's right. If they have to find a way to cheat us out of it.
By the way, who is screwing you up in the control room?
BOLLING: I don't know.
PERINO: Whoa!
GUILFOYLE: Whoa!
BOLLING: In the control room.
It's been a rough ride for Bob Costas with his red eye problems. They had some fun with him this morning.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MATT LAUER, NBC: You here for much longer? When are you taking off?
BOB COSTAS, NBC: I will leave -- leave on Monday.
LAUER: Are you taking the red eye home?
COSTAS: Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you. Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
COSTAS: Walk into that or what? You don't even care when I fly home as long as I'm your set-up man. You don't care if I hitchhike home.
LAUER: I'm sorry.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: All right. Predictable joke there?
PERINO: Yes, but look, I'm the queen of those. So I thought it was cute.
GUTFELD: That joke has been live on Twitter for the last week. I mean, how can they laugh at that? It's lame. Lame, I tell you.
PERINO: You should run with it and say this is a promotion for your show.
GUTFELD: I said that, though, I said it was a "RED EYE" promotion.
GUILFOYLE: That's why they're behind "GMA," you know?
BECKEL: Is he the most boring guy you have ever seen?
PERINO: No, he's funny.
BECKEL: He was boring when he had hair, boring when he doesn't have hair.
GUILFOYLE: Gosh, what a hater you are.
BECKEL: I'm not a hater. I love Costas.
GUILFOYLE: That's the most aggressive case of conjunctivitis the world has ever seen. He had those glasses for how long? Does he not have antibiotics in Russia? Do they have antibiotics in Russia?
BECKEL: Probably not. No, they do. They do. They also have truth serum and stuff like that.
GUILFOYLE: Remember the time you claimed you were swimming and that whole thing broke out all over your face and your eye balls? Remember that?
BECKEL: Certainly do. What do you mean I claimed I was swimming? It was exactly what happened. I was swimming in --
GUTFELD: You weren't swimming in a pool, though.
GUILFOYLE: Goggle malfunction.
PERINO: Yes, he was with little -- young woman had to walk up and down --
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: She was walking a manatee.
BECKEL: In my pool in my building, when I come in, the woman -- the life guard walks up and down.
GUILFOYLE: She thinks you're about to die.
BECKEL: She's carrying one of those boards and an emergency kit.
PERINO: Is she really tiny?
BECKEL: Yes, she's really tiny. I said, if I went under, what would you do? She said, I would pull you out. No problem. When I get in there, they lock the thing for your heart.
GUILFOYLE: With a defibrillator.
GUTFELD: What you call a vitamin.
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: That's how Bob gets up in the morning. Literally.
BECKEL: Not too far off the case.
BOLLING: All right. We have to move on.
GUILFOYLE: Now a message from our sponsor, Bob's sponsor.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Your exercise routine.
BECKEL: No, I was going to tell them about --
BOLLING: No, let's go.
All right. Coming up, chaos is erupting around the globe from Ukraine to Syria to Venezuela. Should our former secretary of state bare part of the blame? So far, doesn't like she's taking a hit, add least in the polls. We're going to fill you in when "The Five" returns.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUILFOYLE: It's true. We have it on tape.
All right. Hillary Clinton could run for the White House again, and we want to ask tonight, is she fit to be the leader of the free world, considering her record as secretary of state? Well, Charles Krauthammer certainly doesn't think so.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Name me one thing, just one, not three. Give me one thing she achieved in the four years as secretary of state. I have yet to hear an answer. I do think it's really awful that you can have a four-year term, achieve nothing, and as you say, go backwards with Russia, backwards on Iran, backwards on Syria, backwards on Venezuela, backwards in relation with just about all of our allies. I mean, this is a foreign policy failure.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: All right. Some strong opinions about that, but a new Gallup survey shows 59 percent of Americans still view her favorably a year after she stepped down as secretary of state.
Now, keep in mind, Eric, this is in the aftermath even of Benghazi, the aftermath of the famous SOT that went around the world, "What difference does it make?"
BOLLING: Very popular. She's a very popular former secretary of state, former senator. What can you say? There's -- look, I would love to see what she's going to run on, going forward. Is it going to be we're going to fix ObamaCare? It would be very interesting. But whoever it is on the right is going to have a formidable opponent on the left.
I disagree with Bob. I don't think anyone is dumb enough to run against her on the left.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Dana, what about Charles -- the comments he made under her watchful eye or not so watchful, the U.S. has taken steps back with Iran, with Syria, with Venezuela? Are those fair criticisms?
PERINO: It's an aggressive point of view but not one that shouldn't be asked. The interesting thing, I went back and had the brain room look. Only six presidents in our history have ever gone from secretary of state to the presidency.
She's different in that she -- I think the more important part of her experience is her Senate run, how she came to New York and I think, had to earn the trust of the people here, and she had high ratings out of the Senate to go into secretary of state. She left almost with -- almost like the coronation had begun as she leaves the State Department. But she has not had to say anything about any policy, about any sort of Obama record or what she would do in the future as well.
So, when that starts to happen, I think that 59 percent number will tick down. And then you'll have a race on your hands, but I don't think until then, her secretary of state experience is going to matter that much in the election. There's not much to talk about. I think Krauthammer has a point there.
GUILFOYLE: To build a decision point.
Greg, you're making a strange face.
GUTFELD: You know, I -- interesting is that what the country needs right now is an inspirational leader to right the ship because we are screwed. Hillary can't do that without smearing Obama for his carelessness.
GUILFOYLE: Right.
GUTFELD: She -- there might be somebody in the Democratic Party who will do that. I don't know about the Republicans, but there is an ideological crisis going on right now. Our country is run by a group of people who see the path as one sided. In that one sided view, it's America who is wrong.
Our current secretary of state, not Hillary, was talking about climate change while the world was exploding. He's the worst secretary since Waylon Smithers. His priorities are that of a green peace activist strung out on arugula.
The biggest blunder, though, the biggest blunder --
GUILFOYLE: Poor guy.
GUTFELD: It's not Hillary. It's not Hillary. It's 2008.
That was when the country chose Obama over McCain. That decision is so stark because it rejected a warrior over a camp counselor. We convinced ourselves that we needed to fix problems within our country, that it would be better to be liked than feared. Therefore, this is the fallout.
McCain could have handled Putin. Could have handled him with one -- could have handled him. I almost made a terrible, terrible comment. But instead of choosing a warrior, we chose somebody else and now we're paying for it.
GUILFOYLE: I agree. Bob doesn't.
BECKEL: I think -- I don't agree with much of anything, and particularly with what Krauthammer says. I wonder what Charles thinks, she should have been able to do something about Ukraine. It wasn't Putin's fault? Or Venezuela?
He was on the show with Hugh Hewitt, who happens to be a nice guy but a right wing nut. He said she lost Eastern Europe, she lost the Middle East, she lost Asia. I mean, it's just absolutely ridiculous.
What she has done is strengthen NATO in a big way. She got the relationship with India, which is the most important ally we have in that region, it was a terrible relationship prior to her getting in there and now it's very good.
She was -- now, you may think this is a big deal because it's the Chinese got screwed on this, fortunately, is that she opened up relationships with Burma. I mean, you know, you can't just -- nobody is going to be able to go to China like Kissinger did. That's all he reminds us of every time he talks.
But the fact of the matter is secretaries of state are consequential in many different ways. And I think she's been very consequential.
PERINO: But would you agree, Bob, that there's not many secretaries of state, at least before the civil war, who have gone to run on their secretary of state record to run on in the presidency. Most people worry mostly about domestic politics and the economics condition of the country.
BECKEL: Buchanan was the secretary of the state and became president and --
PERINO: In 1849.
BECKEL: I don't think he ran on his record.
GUILFOYLE: It's usually easy to become president if you're a governor, or you have some executive experience or you're --
GUTFELD: There's one thing she can't do. She can't say things are bad. She can't say that.
GUILFOYLE: But isn't she going to at some point?
GUTFELD: No, she's not.
GUILFOYLE: How is she going to get elected on ObamaCare and everything else?
PERINO: I think she will distance herself from President Obama in a respectful way, as much as she can, but it could get aggressive during the -- if there's a primary and certainly during the general, and she will also be distancing herself from her husband, for sure. Not personally, but from policy wise.
BOLLING: And she -- right, right, and I would say she would tact further left than her husband.
PERINO: Maybe -- that's the most underreported story of this political season, is the split on the left and the lack of conservative economic Democrats.
BECKEL: Well, those have been beaten. But I tell you this, I don't think she'll hesitate at all to take Obama on when she thinks it's necessary.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: I think of Bobby Kennedy. A lot of things --
BOLLING: The only thing he's done is ObamaCare. That's literally --
BECKEL: By the way, by 2016, you'll be eating your hats because ObamaCare is going to be just fine.
GUTFELD: If the hat is made of candy.
BECKEL: That's my segment.
GUTFELD: No, any candidate has to be able to speak over the media. Speak over the media to the people to say, enough, this country is in bad shape. I don't think she's going to say that.
GUILFOYLE: Let me tell you -- Greg, if she doesn't, will you admire and respect her for that, if she comes out and says the truth?
BOLLING: You can't say you disagree with Obama or you're a racist. Now, if you disagree with President Hillary Clinton or candidate Hillary Clinton, you're a sexist.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: You have a bigger problem on the Republican side because you don't have anybody that is that -- at least that I see on the horizon, that has that kind of dynamic presentation.
PERINO: More than her?
BECKEL: You got to say -- I think she's very tough.
PERINO: She's not a good campaigner.
BECKEL: But listen, the other thing is the Republican, whoever it is, is going to have to say -- Obama is wrong and it was bad. Now, here's what's I'm going to do. That's something Republicans have not been able to articulate.
PERINO: What did she do? Everyone runs on hope and change. That's everybody, every candidate. Hope and change.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: And when does she have to do it?
BECKEL: I think she will provide -- makes some distance herself from Obama as time goes along. Every month, they'll see a little something.
GUILFOYLE: OK, we have to save time for the candy segment. Oh, joy. Snicker is coming my way.
Coming up, why this joke video of President Obama that once aired on "Tonight Show" got a college student in trouble. Did his college overreact? We're going to discuss and eat, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK) GUTFELD: A Canadian college student had to apologize after e-mailing video of President Obama kicking down a door. Why? Because it's racist, silly. Check it out.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I appreciate the conversations. I think it will actually yield results before the end of the year, and I look forward to continuing this dialogue in the months ahead. Thank you very much, everybody.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: Brian Farnan of McGill University sent the old Jay Leno bit with the caption, "Honestly, midterms, get out of here," and he was accused of microaggression.
You never heard of that crap, trust me, you will. It's a new smear defined as an unconsciously racist comment -- meaning you're racist and you don't know, but I do.
It's one more scheme that PC fascists used to silence and scare you, and it worked on this kid. The school's equity commissioner forced Farnan to apologize, and he did, writing this. Quote, "The image was an extension of the cultural, historical, and living legacy surrounding people of color, particularly young men being portrayed as violent. By using this image, I committed a microaggression. For this, I am deeply sorry."
Yes.
GUILFOYLE: Did they threaten to kick him out?
GUTFELD: He was then executed. He was executed. I'm just kidding, I think.
Now, any idiot knows the video was funny because presidents don't kick down doors. However, under the school's equity policy, it's racist for an aggressive black man placed into stereotypes.
I guess every time Sam Jackson shouts in a film now, it's because he's black. Hear that Hollywood. All black characters be nice. Maybe just smile and say "yes, sir" and "no, sir."
No wonder Putin is having a blast, by infusing race into every place, the left has burdened our president. Perhaps he's afraid to come off as too angry.
Amazing.
PERINO: Unbelievable.
GUTFELD: I know.
GUILFOYLE: That'd be kind of cool. I bet you Putin kicks in doors.
GUTFELD: Kimberly, do you think he wrote the letter or did somebody write it for him?
GUILFOYLE: Absolutely not. Somebody wrote it. They said, this will make it go away.
BOLLING: You know what it sounded like?
GUTFELD: What?
GUILFOYLE: What?
BOLLING: As ridiculous as it was being accuses of what microaggression is, he was even more ridiculous writing an apology.
GUTFELD: It's worse.
GUILFOYLE: He was probably going to get kicked out.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: He's being sarcastic.
BOLLING: Sarcastic, right. I think he's putting a sarcastic apology --
GUTFELD: You think so?
GUILFOYLE: Don't you think?
PERINO: I think it's maybe like sort of, I'll write this for you.
GUTFELD: You think he's that clever?
PERINO: I think he could be that clever.
GUILFOYLE: I want you to confess.
PERINO: How much does an equity commissioner get paid?
GUTFELD: I have no idea. What is an equity commissioner?
BECKEL: It's what they have in the Canadian university system.
GUTFELD: Bob, what do you think of this? Do you want an example of microaggression is?
BECKEL: Yes, me.
GUTFELD: No, no. If you're in a classroom and you're to ask for a math problem and the person you ask is Asian, that would be considered microaggression.
GUILFOYLE: That's what Bob would do. Right, Bob?
GUTFELD: The stereotype is Asians are good at math. So, you are racist.
BECKEL: You know, that's vastly overstated to think about Asians are pretty good at math, just because --
PERINO: That's microaggression, too.
BECKEL: They do. They tutor everybody before they get math tests.
But anyway, do you know the person who would laugh about this? A person who would laugh about this would be the president of the United States. He would think it was very funny.
But, of course, what this is a result of is all those liberal professors and all of those lounges around the world that cause us to be PC people, letting communism commence. It's a terrible thing. I tell you, stop it right now. If you keep going like this, you're going to destroy this country.
GUTFELD: Finally, you're speaking my language.
GUILFOYLE: I hope you don't choke and resuscitated on that cough drop you're sucking on.
GUTFELD: I want to ask Dana.
The bigger question is that the movement is to ascribe meaning to your intent that you don't know, like I know what you're thinking. So, if you ask somebody for help, I go, that's racist, you go, no, it's not -- but I know you don't, I can read your mind.
PERINO: Yes. Then, as you said, it scares you into not saying anything at all and keeping in your apartment, binge watching television.
BECKEL: It's amazing we have gotten an entire segment out of this whole --
GUTFELD: You know what? It's the thought police. That's funny. Now, you can't even have a sense of humor. Let's just all be gloom and doom.
PERINO: You save your whole life to send your kid to college, to university and he tweets on something that even if you just retweeted that, and he gets in trouble and have some -- make basically made a mockery like --
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Is it because you're ascribing an adjective to a stereotype that have predetermined and you have to be determine what you say now?
GUILFOYLE: Very wordy.
BOLLING: Well, no, no. It's not really wordy. I can't say it because I'll be accused of being racist if I say it, but certain -- Italian, oh --
PERINO: Bob's not afraid.
BECKEL: Not at all.
BOLLING: Or Jewish. I'm married to a Jewish woman. Someone says, oh, he must be wealthy, and then he happens to be Jewish, am I being anti- Semitic?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: What? What did you say?
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: Next on "The Five": are the best times of your life over? For Dana, possibly. If you're old enough to rent a car, then most likely, according to a new study when "The Five" returns.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: Is there an age when life starts to go downhill? Forty, 50, 60, perhaps? Depends on who you ask, but researchers at the University of New Hampshire just found that most people enjoy the best times of their life by age 25.
Now --
GUILFOYLE: Untrue.
PERINO: Kimberly, you just turned 25.
GUILFOYLE: OK.
PERINO: What do you make of this? I think it's true.
GUILFOYLE: It's nonsense. Just last weekend, I was in a beautiful situation of controlled water, being undercover. And in walks Tommy's friend, mortified, hey, are you Kimberly Guilfoyle? Oh, my gosh.
BOLLING: The same one I bumped into in Puerto Rico?
GUILFOYLE: A different one of Tommy's buddies. Isn't that funny?
BECKEL: Was this your date?
GUILFOYLE: No, it's just my little kid. So, I was trying to hide myself --
PERINO: But this is the best memory of your life?
GUILFOYLE: It can always be interesting and entertaining. The point is, you can have fun. I have a great time every day.
BECKEL: You know the reason people say 25 and under were the best times of life because they haven't to do anything, right? They went to college, or a lot of them get the survey. They had it pretty easy in high school, you know? So, it's not that big a deal.
For me, I can't remember 30s, nothing about them. Thirty to 44, I can't remember but little pieces here and there. And the only piece I remember is when I was hung over.
But I think most people, at least for me --
GUILFOYLE: You are better now, right?
BECKEL: Things are so much better from 50 on, I really do. I mean, you know yourself, you have been around. You have developed your own character, whether you like it or not, and you get to like yourself, at least I did.
GUILFOYLE: And you don't hold on to negativity or resentments.
BECKEL: The resentments, no resentments. Resentments are the waste of time.
GUILFOYLE: I learned that.
PERINO: You have -- Eric, your son is 15. Do you think he's making some of the best memories?
BOLLING: For me or for him? He's making some of the best of his own memories. Not necessarily for me -- 25 was great, 35 was great, 45 was --
PERINO: You don't know yet.
BOLLING: -- great, and I'll let you know about 55. But I don't know -- I think, how can you do this? How can you say --
PERINO: I think maybe because there's so much transition that happens. Something great or bad that happened when you were a little kid, and great and bad when you're a teenager, and then you have college, and after that, your just working, right?
GUTFELD: Nostalgia is a biological trick. People think the old times were better when they sucked because they weren't paying attention to the things that were around them. When you think of your childhood days, you think of stores you went into, the streets you walked on.
But they really weren't as good as you think they were because you weren't paying attention. A lot of people truly do have the best times of their lives because they peak early. If you look at child's stars or teenage pop stars, that's when they stop growing mentally. That's why when they're older, they're still infantile and screwed up and they're petulant babies with weird political beliefs, it's because their achievement happened too soon and they never matured.
It's much better to peak along the way, to achieve later in life and plan your tyranny.
GUILFOYLE: And peak when you have a paycheck.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's the point.
BECKEL: That's the thing. You know, the other thing, one thing I can't stand to hear is, back in the day, back in the day --
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Banned phrase.
BECKEL: That should be a banned phrase. You know, people always look back on the time they grew up and say, gee, that was a wonderful time in America. Wasn't that great? The fact of the matter was it was not in many cases.
PERINO: Imagine what kids today are going to think about ObamaCare in 20 years.
BECKEL: They think it's going to be great because they're all going to be using it.
GUILFOYLE: I think it's very hard for young kids growing up today.
PERINO: So, let me ask you this -- what's the best memory of your life, Eric?
BECKEL: Here we go. The day I got married.
(LAUGHTER)
BOLLING: The day I got married. The day my son was born. No, look, life is -- it's what you make it. Every day, you have to make every day fun.
Happiness is a choice. If you don't seek out happiness, you're going to make your life miserable. To pick one is ridiculous.
I wonder about this study, though. Don't we peak sexually around 25 to 30 years old?
BECKEL: No, no, no, man.
GUILFOYLE: Why are you --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: No, no, that's wrong. Maybe that's guys, but girls, it's later.
BECKEL: Greg, talk about your sex life.
GUTFELD: No, no, but what you're getting at, being an editor of "Men's Magazine," men peak very young and women peak later.
GUILFOYLE: Did I not say that?
BECKEL: Definition of peak.
PERINO: But why does it have to involve your best memories?
GUTFELD: I'm using the outside of the window, peaking in.
GUILFOYLE: That's why I had to move.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BECKEL: Maybe it'll peak later, but it's shorter. I mean --
PERINO: No.
GUILFOYLE: What? Bob, whoa. Whoa.
GUTFELD: How did this happen?
BOLLING: It's my fault, sorry.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: I don't understand why your best memory has to involve that anyway.
(LAUGHTER)
BECKEL: My best memories were the 4-H Club.
GUILFOYLE: Your best memory was New Year's Eve. Come on.
GUTFELD: By the way, what does H stand for in your club?
BOLLING: That's right. Heather, Heidi, Holly --
(LAUGHTER)
GUILFOYLE: Hottie.
BECKEL: Let's not get too far down that road. The whole idea of saying 25 is the best of your life is crazy. There are so many years -- some years are good, some years are bad, even in your 50s and 40s. But it's all about a year of your life. If you like yourself -- I mean, the best experience I had is when I got sober and was going to stay sober.
GUILFOYLE: All right. I like that, Bob.
BECKEL: That was a bad --
GUTFELD: That was a good year for a lot of other people, too.
BECKEL: That's the truth. A lot of women were safe on the streets. That was very good.
GUILFOYLE: I met a friend of your ex-wife on the same day. I have to tell you about that.
BECKEL: Oh, thank you so much.
PERINO: See, I don't know how we went to that, but it was entertaining. And we've got a sweet segment coming up for you next. Stick around for our chocolate extravaganza as we reveal the world's most influential candy bars of all time. Greg has strong opinions. We'll tell you if our favorites made the list, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(MUSIC: "I WANT CANDY")
BECKEL: I had a date named candy one night. Last night on "The Tonight Show" this happened.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILL FERRELL, COMEDIAN: Jelly donuts.
JIMMY FALLON, HOST, NBC'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JIMMY FALLON": Ew.
FERRELL: Potato chips.
FALLON: Ew.
MICHELLE OBAMA, FIRST LADY: You know, instead of potato chips, a healthy alternative is kale chips.
FALLON: Gross.
FERRELL: Gross.
OBAMA: Not gross.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: No disrespect, Mrs. Obama, but I'm with Jimmy and Will. Junk foods beats kale chips any day of the week.
GUILFOYLE: No kidding.
BECKEL: In fact, we've got some of our favorite right here on the table.
GUILFOYLE: What we have left.
BECKEL: That haven't been eaten by Kimberly, by the way.
GUILFOYLE: I only had three.
BECKEL: "TIME" magazine has just named 13 of the most influential candy bars of all times, and the winner is...
GUILFOYLE: Kitty Kat!
BECKEL: Kit-Kat. Yes. Rounding out the top five: Hershey's milk chocolate, Toberone [SIC]...
GUILFOYLE: Toblerone.
BECKEL: Well, whatever it is. It's French. Nestle's milk chocolate, and Snickers.
All right. For those -- let's get started. Greg was very high on this stuff.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BECKEL: Well, it's a normal high, but Greg, go ahead. What's your favorite?
GUTFELD: Well, OK. First, the survey illustrates a fundamental fact. No one ever does the 13 greatest salads or the greatest stretches or the 13 greatest liberals, because none of those things are fun. Sorry, Bob.
The best candy bar ever, Heath bar. The 100,000 dollar bar is fantastic. The most overrated is chocolate used for Easter bunnies and anything with coconut or raisins is a travesty. But the worst candy of all time is the Neco wafer.
PERINO: Oh, I like those.
BECKEL: Can you think of that thing with the coconut? I can't stand it.
PERINO: Mounds.
GUTFELD: I hate Mounds.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I don't like Mounds. I don't like them, either.
PERINO: Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.
BOLLING: Do you know why Kit-Kat was the most influential?
GUILFOYLE: I will tell you. Why?
BECKEL: Because you can split it up.
BOLLING: You can share it.
BECKEL: Whenever I have one...
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: Bob, do you know how -- do you remember how expensive the Kit-Kat was when we had to stay at the hotel and we were waiting to come up here? Five dollars. Sometimes I paid it.
BECKEL: Dana and I lived together in this hotel.
PERINO: Not together.
BECKEL: Don't get me wrong. Not in the same room, but the minibars - - the minibars, the candy in there, it was -- how much was it?
PERINO: Five dollars.
BECKEL: Five bucks.
PERINO: Sometimes I paid it.
GUILFOYLE: They're not cheap.
BECKEL: What's your favorite kind of candy?
BOLLING: I asked them to put Twizzlers in there. You know what? It's not a candy bar. I just don't love candy bars. I love Twizzlers, though.
PERINO: Did you ever like candy bars?
GUTFELD: You ever use it as a straw?
BOLLING: I actually liked the $100,000 bar. Didn't they change it to the 100 Grand bar?
PERINO: Yes, but anyway, do the math. If the 100 Grand bar existed today, if you had...
BOLLING: From today from the '70s?
PERINO: Inflation. Yes.
BOLLING: So a couple -- two hundred -- like half a million dollar bar?
BECKEL: What's your favorite? Dana, what's your favorite kind?
PERINO: I picked the Reese's peanut butter cup. I think that tastes great. Also, the Butterfinger is very good. I think Snickers is a good choice.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I actually really like them all. But it's interesting that it's the Kitty-Kat bar, because that's the first one you and I went and grabbed for. We both ate that first. Then we ate the Reese's peanut butter cup. Well, Dana did, but Dana said it was too small.
I love Snickers bars, because I feel like the commercial is true. They really keep you going.
GUTFELD: You guys remember the Marathon? You remember the Marathon bar?
BECKEL: You just eat so much and you stay thin.
GUTFELD: The Marathon bar. There's a long caramel bar. It was about -- there. There you go. It was about this long, and it had little holes in it, and it was great. And it was very chewy, and it disappeared. Where did you go, Marathon bar? Please come home.
PERINO: As an adult, I think the dark chocolate Toblerone is the best. Not that I have discerning tastes.
GUILFOYLE: We will fight over it, then.
GUTFELD: Dark chocolate. Nougat.
BECKEL: What's nougat?
PERINO: Glucose.
GUTFELD: I think it's on the periodic chart. It's N-o.
GUILFOYLE: You whip it. Make it fluffy.
GUTFELD: It's N-o.
BECKEL: It's noogies.
GUTFELD: No means no.
GUTFELD: And I love red licorice. I don't eat black licorice.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: What do you think of...
GUTFELD: Micro-aggression.
BECKEL: I know somebody who did cocaine through one of those things.
GUTFELD: You know...
PERINO: Are you serious?
BECKEL: Yes, they did. They just did it to be a goof.
GUILFOYLE: My life was so much more pure and innocent until you came along.
BECKEL: Your life was never pure and innocent. Ask your five husbands.
GUILFOYLE: I didn't ever hear anything like -- You know, Bob, your rumors that you're starting, people are starting to believe them.
BECKEL: You can't get another one, because you've got five and that's the whole thing.
GUILFOYLE: Watch me.
BECKEL: OK. "One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: Yes!
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BOLLING: All right, it's time for "One More Thing." And Dana kicks it off.
PERINO: All right. Well, you know that Bob moved up here from his house in Maryland, and he has an apartment here. I don't know how much artwork he has.
GUTFELD: Oh, no.
PERINO: And the studio of Mel Luber, a guy named Mel Luber from Connecticut, he -- he made this pencil drawing, and Bob, it's just -- I thought it would be perfect over your couch.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
PERINO: And I thought I would just present it to you, and you could borrow it and have it in your apartment for a while.
GUTFELD: All right. This guy did it with a pencil?
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: This is creepy.
PERINO: Why? It's very good.
GUTFELD: No, this is creepy. This is like jail cell creepy.
PERINO: NO.
GUILFOYLE: You know how many of those I have in my office.
BECKEL: It's like the Mona Lisa, this dog. The eyes follow you wherever you go. I would not want to take that away from you.
GUILFOYLE: Jasper has a six-pack in that.
BECKEL: I know how important it is to you. And I want you to have it, and I want you to have it in your bedroom.
BOLLING: This is amazing.
PERINO: It's pretty good, right?
GUILFOYLE: He's very, very talented.
BECKEL: He did a good job.
PERINO: OK. Well, I just -- Bob, if you decide you need some artwork in your apartment...
BECKEL: Thank you very much.
PERINO: Thank you, Mel. Thanks for making it.
GUILFOYLE: That is very nice.
PERINO: Thank you.
GUILFOYLE: Incredible detail.
GUTFELD: I bet there's a camera installed in that.
GUILFOYLE: Speaking of that, is it my turn?
BOLLING: No, it's Greg's.
GUTFELD: Control yourself, Kimberly.
All right. Look at this. Remember this? It's a bus; it's my bus. It's the bus I'll be traveling across the country for my new book, "Not Cool" and what a beautiful cover that is.
Anyway, you know where I'm going? Starting March 27, I'm going to be all over Texas. Look at those dates. Dallas, Abilene. I won't name them all, but I'll end in College Station.
Then after that, in April, I'm going to be in Michigan, Indianapolis, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee. Then in mid-April, I'll be in Florida and Alabama. I'll be everywhere. The only way you can find out is go to GGutfeld.com. I will then commit suicide afterwards.
GUILFOYLE: That's terrible.
GUTFELD: That's impossible.
BOLLING: Aren't you going to be on the shows?
GUTFELD: I'm not going to be on the show for three months.
BECKEL: Come on. Let's just announce right now, this is day one of the 104...
PERINO: Why day one?
BECKEL: Day one of the Gutfeld promotion tour. And I'm going to say, everybody go buy it. You see that thing? You can get 50 Gregs in that bus. And...
GUTFELD: It's the real size.
BECKEL: We're going to be talking about this for a long time.
BOLLING: All right. K.G., you're up.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So in another example of the power of FOX News, guess what happened today? FCC studied going into the newsrooms across America, the criticism, the heat that was put on it. Now they have recanted, so to speak. They thought better of it, that it's not a good idea.
The FCC spokeswoman -- that's Shannon Gilson -- said chairman Tom Wheeler agreed with critics that some of the study's, quote, proposed questions for reporters and news directors, quote, "overstepped the bounds of what is required."
Now, that was a pretty quick turnaround for a very bold move...
GUTFELD: Saved Obama.
GUILFOYLE: ... that was improper, right? Don't you guys agree?
BOLLING: A bad idea to start with.
GUILFOYLE: But it was good that we brought it up and talked about it.
BOLLING: Bobby boy, you're up.
BECKEL: All right. In Florida, there is a candidate for Congress, and he's 101 years old.
GUTFELD: Is he Republican?
BECKEL: No, he's not. Republicans don't live that long.
His name is Joe Newman. And Joe is running as an independent, because he wants to be able to criticize both the Democrats and the Republicans. More the Republicans than the Democrats. But 101, and he says, "Look, talk about term limits. I'm going to be term limited."
GUTFELD: Is there a picture?
PERINO: Is there a picture?
BECKEL: Yes, I want to see it. You're supposed to have the...
GUTFELD: This could be like the wolf.
GUILFOYLE: That's Gretchen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRETCHEN CARLSON, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: ... on term limits?
JOE NEWMAN, CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE: I'm in favor of term limits.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: There you go. And listen, if you keep it that brief like that, you might get elected.
BOLLING: That guy is smart as a whip.
BECKEL: Yes.
BOLLING: A hundred and one years old, and he was right on. And by the way, I don't think he's progressive. I think he's...
BECKEL: No. He's progressive.
BOLLING: I don't know. He's talking term limits and smaller government. OK. They want me to move on.
BECKEL: He's talking term limits because he's going to die.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, Bob.
BOLLING: Tomorrow morning, 11:30, you've got to check this out. Look who's in that photo over there.
GUILFOYLE: Bob, you made it!
BOLLING: Bob Beckel is on there. We talked about minimum wage. We talked about the UAW getting smoked in Tennessee. We talked about the FCC that Kimberly points out.
BECKEL: It was a great show.
BOLLING: We talked about...
GUTFELD: You had Trapper John.
BOLLING: One of the guys on there, he's hosted "The Tonight Show" before. I'm not going to tell you which one. And someone else there, her father -- oops -- wrote for Johnny Carson.
BECKEL: It was a lot of fun doing that show.
BOLLING: Set your DVRs to never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you back here Monday. Have a great weekend, everybody.
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