ObamaCare mocked at the CMAs

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 7, 2013. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Caution.

Hello, everyone. I'm Greg Gutfeld, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Lanny Davis, Eric Bolling, and Jedediah Bila.

It's 5 o'clock in New York City. But who's counting, America?

(MUSIC)

GUTFELD: So, the only thing ObamaCare has successfully produced are jokes about ObamaCare.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CARRIE UNDERWOOD, COUNTRY STAR: Hey, do you have that ObamaCare?

BRAD PAISLEY , COUNTRY STAR: ObamaCare, what's that?

UNDERWOOD: Oh, it's great. It's great.

PAISLEY: What is it?

UNDERWOOD: I started signing up last Thursday. I'm almost done.

(singing): ObamaCare by morning, why is it taking so long? I'm going to wind up with hemorrhoids if I sit here till dawn. We'll have cataracts and dementia. Oh, this is getting on my last nerve. ObamaCare by morning, over six people served.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, Nicole's hubby didn't look happy.

Now, maybe I'm a hypocrite to cheer this stuff on since I rag on left wing jabs that appear on every Oscar or Emmy's. But this is different, because it's rare.

This Obama mockery is in the minority and therefore deserves special protections. All things being equal, this isn't. So, don't blame me if I enjoy it, especially since over the last six years, our nation's comedians have suffered from Obama joke constipation, unable to pop a single quip.

But now, it's all coming out, as everyone grasps that electing a community organizer leads to flaccid leadership. Even with the Web site, he can't get it up.

So, Obama has gone from cloud nine to punch line, which is encouraging, unless it ends there. The fact is, all those senators that met yesterday with the president in a panic over being painted by the ObamaCare turd brush, they need your help out the door.

Who cares if they're panicking? It's too late, champ. These wussies have voted for ObamaCare, which is like Titanic voting for the iceberg.

So, let them sink. They maybe bailing on ObamaCare but it's time to bail on them. And if that's not part of America's plan, that despite witty gags mocking Obama's disastrous signature achievement, truly the joke is on all of us.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Oh, boy.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's a hangover monologue.

JEDEDIAH BILA, GUEST CO-HOST: At a time, I don't know.

GUTFELD: Do you think President Barack Obama is crushed, Eric, that he's lost the stars of the country music scene?

(LAUGHTER)

ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Couldn't get one -- couldn't get it -- yes --

GUTFELD: We couldn't get the Web site up.

BOLLING: Right, the Web site. Got you.

So, they cut away. The song was funny. It was about two minutes long. We took 35 seconds. We should have done the whole thing. It was hilarious.

But then they cut to the audience, and you can -- you see the real true conservative Republicans heart and soul of the country laughing and all these seat fillers, who are Hollywood seat fillers, who aren't supposed to be there, just there because they're supposed to be on TV. They're all nervous. They're all looking around like, should I laugh? I may get in trouble if -- I'm on TV.

GUILFOYLE: They don't want to laugh, because they want to cast the IRS on it. The audience is going to go, oh, yes, we're coming to get you.

BOLLING: But you did see the country stars laughing and they're having a good time with it. And hats off to Paisley and what's her name?

GUTFELD: Lanny, do you find it funny? You were shaking your head.

LANNY DAVIS, GUEST CO-HOST: First of all, I thought I heard beeps every time you said a word. Is this my first time in the show. Do they beep you out when you do these --

GUTFELD: No. That was your conscious speaking.

DAVIS: So, I think humor is fine even when on the left. I think the right needs to have a sense of humor. So, we have to have a sense of humor.

I thought that was all very funny.

GUTFELD: That's a good point. The weird thing about humor is that the right will find something funny if they agree with it. And left will find it funny if they agree with it.

But if it's funny and they don't agree with it, then it's not funny. Do you follow me?

GUILFOYLE: Following you. Zigzagging across the room. Call it crazy, I'm still little hang up on the fact that I think my 7-year-old wrote your monologue. Kindergarten first grade. He really did. Professor poopy pants over there.

I love this because I though it was refreshing, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUILFOYLE: You know, to see something like that. It was actually a great song, she's got a beautiful voice, which even hurts the White House even more, because it was badly out of tune, maybe. OK.

But -- I don't know. I thought it was great. I know a lot of people enjoyed it. And you got to have a sense of humor, both sides.

GUTFELD: Jedediah, OK, the fact that the ObamaCare fiasco is seeping out into the world pop culture, it's Leno, it's even "The Daily Show", Bill Maher. It's no longer the beltway issue, which kind of means it could be a permanent thing for Obama.

BILA: Well, I think things became so crazy with this Web site, that they felt like, well, how could we not laugh at this? How could we not crack jokes? They got so out of control.

But, you know, I love what they did with the Country Music Awards. And I think it's really gutsy, because these people have to go back to, you know, their Hollywood friends and they have to deal with them. And they're going to take a lot of heat for doing stuff like this when they go back to liberal Hollywood.

So, your answer is yes, that it is seeping out and it will continue to seep out. And good for these stars for having some guts.

GUTFELD: All right. I wanted to talk about the Democratic seminars -- senators that are freaking out over ObamaCare. This is Charles Krauthammer on "O'Reilly" talking about it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: It doesn't have to be an uprising in the country. It will be the uprising among Democrats who have to run next year. Eleven Democrats in the Senate who have signed on to the postponement, there's going to be an uprising if this continues. I think Obama who, again, is not running again is going to stay with this because this is the first entry in the line on his obituary in history, ObamaCare.
If it's failure --

BILL O'REILLY, FOX NEWS HOST: What if it keeps getting --

KRAUTHAMMER: -- that's how it will lead.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: What do you think, Eric?

BOLLING: Well, I think the Democrats have to. We saw it yesterday when the 14 of them, 11 of them, who are in some races that they're worried talked to the president and say, hey, you got to do something for us. He has to do something for us. I don't think he will.

But we have to continue to highlight the lies, because think about it, they lied about keeping your insurance. They lied about the premiums. They've lied about the Web site. They've lied about everything. The whole thing is becoming one big lie.

And this is going to be the legacy of President Barack Obama. There's no way out of this for them. This is what -- in 2014 -- Bob would disagree with this -- but 2014, every single Republican running up against a Democrat should point out they've lied to us. It's going to cost more.
They promised us a load of stuff that none of it's true.

And you will see them hold the House and probably see if you're lucky, some of these 11 -- or 11 or so senators lose their seats to Republicans. They should, and deservedly.

BILA: If you look back at 2010, look at how many Democrats ran ads against ObamaCare, saying, I'm going to vote for repeal. I don't like ObamaCare, I'm standing against ObamaCare. Those were Democrats in red states who knew that their constituents did not support ObamaCare.

Now, this time, they may not be calling for repeal, but they're going to be calling for extensions of enrolment periods, delaying of the individual mandate. So, it's the same cycle again that we're seeing.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Lanny, because -- could it be that for the Democrats, their enemy isn't Republicans, it's ObamaCare? And they've got to run screaming from it?

DAVIS: Well, first of all, my friend Eric uses the word lie. I criticized Democrats when they used the word lie about George Bush on weapons of mass destruction. We can talk about mistake and not say lie.

So, I'll just differ with the use of that word.

BOLLING: Please before you move on. I didn't use the word lie until yesterday. The reason I used it yesterday when we had the tape of President Barack Obama saying after 29 times saying that you could keep your insurer and your doctor, period. On Monday night he said that's not what I said. I said you can keep your doctor and insurer period if -- and then he went through a litany of things that had happened.

The Monday night was a lie. The Monday night was a lie.

DAVIS: Well, I wouldn't use the word "lie" but he's trying to extricate himself from an oversimplified expression in the campaign that we now regret.

GUTLFED: You are a lawyer.

BILA: Wow, Lanny, that's impressive. I have to say.

GUILFOYLE: Extricate. Yes.

DAVIS: A crisis manager side of me would say, when you mess up, you fess up. Then you fix up.

GUILFOYLE: You said that last night. To be fair, you've said that, that's what they should do.

DAVIS: We messed up in promising people they wouldn't lose a plan. We should have said, you're going to have to change your plan and upgrade it.
It may cost you more. Unless you get subsidy, it might cost you less. But there are going to be changes if you have an inadequate plan.

And the American people would have voted maybe against the concept of paying more for more coverage. But we messed up on that. But what we have to do is fix this because I support this legislation, always have. But we've got to fix the problem. That's the main priority.

GUILFOYLE: But the problem is --

BOLLING: The denial isn't the way to fix hit.

I'm sorry, Kimberly.

DAVIS: No, it isn't. We have to fess up that we messed up. And there's no question that it's not working. The whole idea of people losing their coverage at a certainly higher cost were not well-explained. It's just a bad communication mess up.

GUTFELD: What do you think, K.G., what should do the GOP do? But let's say the fix the Web site, then what's next? They have six months, seven months to fix this basically.

GUILFOYLE: Right, if they can fix it. That still isn't going to address the inherit flaws in ObamaCare. And what you're seeing now is people that are being dropped from insurance, people having to change doctors, change providers. All of the things that they were told, OK, whether you want to say lie or not, or disingenuous, or loose relationship with the truth, with a little love sandwich way.

If you want to say that if it makes you feel better. Bottom line is they weren't honest with the American people. And now, the fact, the evidence, the cases, the real life stories of the impact it's going to have on the Americans across the country, they're all coming out now. So, that's -- they're going to have to deal with that. And I think there should be a reckoning at the polls when election time comes because people who supported this and knew in fact it wasn't ready to go and did it on partisan grounds should be punished.

GUTFELD: Hmm, anything else?

BILA: I agree.

GUTFELD: OK, good.

BILA: They're going to be punished.

DAVIS: The government will be shutdown again by the whacko Tea Party.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You are possessed by Beckel.

GUILFOYLE: Is Bob talking in your ear piece?

DAVIS: Thank you, Bob.

GUTFELD: If I get arrested for murder, I want you to defend me, and you can say, I am guilty of removing oxygen accidently from an individual.

DAVIS: Who me? I'd never defend you.

GUTFELD: Oh, that hurts me deeply.

All right. The mainstream media had no problem broadcasting this load of crap over and over again.

GUILFOYLE: Oh my gosh.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: If you've got health insurance, you like your doctor, you like your plan, you can keep your doctor, you can keep your plan. If Americans like their doctor, they will keep their doctor. If you like your insurance plan, you will keep it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But the president rewrote the pledge this week. Why isn't that reported? Kimberly will tell you which news networks aren't doing their job next. It's all of them.

GUILFOYLE: It's a punishment segment.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: Well, on Monday, President Barack Obama made remarks attempting to -- sorry, lie -- on whether Americans can keep their health coverage.
Well, we covered right here on "The Five", but did the mainstream media bat an eye?

Let's check the score card. Brian Williams and "NBC Nightly"? Nope.
Diane Sawyer and "ABC World News"? No. "The Today" show? Nope. "Good Morning America"? Not a word.

Well, they weren't done because we brought you anger at the president over the unsuccessful rollout of ObamaCare. Now, let's just see if that one was reported by the so-called big boys. Well, this might seem like Groundhog Day, but bear with me.

Brian Williams and "NBC Nightly"? Again, no. Diane Sawyer and "ABC World News"? Nope. "The Today" show? No. "Good Morning America"? Sadly, I don't think so.

All right. We should note, CBS provided some coverage of these two stories.

Is anyone surprise? Show of hands around table. Lanny, did you get the elbow up?

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Can't get it up?

GUILFOYLE: Failure to launch.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVIS: A vast right wing conspiracy, I would not be surprised at anything.
This is an example of media not paying attention. But it's not bias.

BOLLING: They're not paying attention.

One of the probably the biggest story in the last two years and they're not paying attention. ObamaCare rollout is an utter disaster. The president is out there having he and his people with the big lie, big lie and mainstream media is just not paying attention. There's no conspiracy.
They have decided against reporting something. That's not good for the president.

GUILFOYLE: That's why it's important to watch FOX so you can actually become equipped with the truth to understand exactly what's going on, because we literally went through the score card to explain to you in factual who covered this, who didn't.

And you've got to hear it, Lanny. I mean, that's how you know so much.

DAVIS: So, if you really think all these people who are journalists for a long time, who last time I was in the Clinton White House, were after Bill Clinton and very tough on Bill Clinton, a lot of those people.

GUILFOYLE: Do you think they're tough on President Barack Obama or ObamaCare?

DAVIS: I think they have covered plenty about the crash and train wreck of these Web sites and some of the issues you mentioned they haven't done.
They should have. I agree.

But I don't see ideological bias --

GUILFOYLE: But they were tough on Clinton about personal issues I think.
Not about ideological one.

DAVIS: But don't ask Bill Clinton that question because they were tough on him about a lot of issues, and being tough on Obama about ObamaCare.

GUTFELD: The media had to go after Bill Clinton because they had -- at that point, when you're having sex in the Oval Office -- I'm sorry wasn't sex. It was oral sex.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVIS: Start with it, I'm not going there.

GUTFELD: Wait, but I want to make --

DAVIS: Start with travel office and mighty big scandals like finance that went absolutely nowhere. This is driven by what you call liberal media, "New York Times". Remember Whitewater, $70 (ph) million later?

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: Jedediah?

GUTFELD: Can I make? I just -- when the media hounds a Republican or conservative, that's considered investigative journalism, i.e., Watergate.
However, when you cover a liberal or a Democrat, the newsroom sees it as thinking, especially when they love a candidate. They love Obama. So, when you break a story critical of Obama, they treat you like Serpico.

GUILFOYLE: They really do. That's what they're -- they have big, you know, prom king crush on him.

All right. Jedediah, let's talk about professionalism here. How did the media miss this? All these professionals at these networks, OK, at NBC, ABC, all across the boards, how? What's the explanation?

BILA: Well, way back when we were pointing out all these flaws, they didn't even ask questions. When Barack Obama said, if you like your plan, you can keep your plan, everyone just took his word for it, and said, well, that -- OK, well, he said, I guess it must be true.

No one asked questions about what kind of regulations might emerge that may make that a problem, which is exactly what happened. Sebelius put through these regulations that made the grandfather clause all messed up. And now, people don't have the insurance that they had.

So, they're only covering it now because the whole Web site fell apart and they had to. They were obligated to do. But when they had to be real journalists which is back, you know, two years ago, they let that all fall through.

DAVIS: I don't want to hurt your reputation. I completely agree with what you jus just said. Regulations were written by a bunch of people that didn't consider the consequences and the unintended consequences I think are -- this thing has to be fixed starting with regulations.

BOLLING: Here's the problem, is that President Obama has since realized that this has utter disaster. So, he's going to go out and try and clean it up with lies upon lies, the big lie. And the mainstream media decide they want him on their air. So, they're not going to ask the tough questions.

"60 Minutes" get him on. NBC "Morning Joe" gets the president on.

Does he ever -- you can't get Jay Carney to come on this network and explain some of the lies that they're perpetrating. See, Lanny, I don't blame them for not giving him a hard time. Then they get their guests.

GUTFELD: Remember, Obama is already elected, you know --

GUILFOYLE: That's right.

GUTFELD: I think the bigger issue isn't that they're covering it now, is that they covered it up for him to be elected. They'll do anything for him to win. The media and Obama -- they're conjoined twins. Wherever he goes, they're with him every step of the way.

So, now, that they're covering the misdeed, I can't applaud them. I can't because, you know, you were wrong every time. You were corrupt and now, you're doing something wrong?

GUILFOYLE: All right. So, we're giving them a failing grade. They have to stay in school forever.

Here's one of my favorite pieces of sound for the day. I hope you enjoy it with us. And this is the president speaking in Dallas, Texas. He's got explanation for the whole thing. Just don't worry. Here it is.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: This is like having a good product in a store and the cash registers don't work and there aren't enough parking spots and nobody can get through the door. And so, we are working overtime to get this fixed.
And the Web site is already better than it was at the beginning of October.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: The worry is better than people that got on and enrolled. And now, it's fixed.

GUTFELD: Wait a minute. The greatest thing was the sign. You see the sign?

BOLLING: Affordable!

GUTFLD: The sign was probably done by kids. It was better executed than ObamaCare. I wish you could read that.

GUILFOYLE: Bob said that was the problem all of this would be wiped a way like wax on/wax off, Mr. Miyagi, if they started calling it affordable health care.

DAVIS: Why do I get the impression Republicans and conservatives are celebrating the failure? Is there anything to do --

GUTFELD: Because we're right.

GUILFOYLE: Because it's terrible. We're not celebrating, reporting it.

DAVIS: People getting health insurance that never have to worry --

GUTFELD: That's a false --

DAVIS: Under ObamaCare, they never have to worry again about preexisting conditions.

GUTFELD: So, you're saying people are critical of ObamaCare want all people to die?

DAVIS: It's a little too much celebration here --

GUILFOYLE: Those are the president's words.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: We're allowed to say I told you so. We're allowed to say I told you so.

DAVIS: You are. But not so happy.

Don't have such joy in this disaster. We're going to fix this. You have nothing to celebrate.

GUILFOYLE: Lanny, we're not making up. Those were the president's words.
Do you understand that?

We're not making anything up here. We're just playing what the president told the American people. We're putting it in factual and chronological order. We're going to let the American people decide because we have the responsibility to do this job. Because the other networks like ObamaCare, have failed to launch to do the journalism jobs they were hired to do.

BOLLING: The problem is, Lanny, with your argument is, yes, you're going to fix it. No doubt, you're going to fix it. Probably not the end of November. Maybe not the end of December or January. But once that's fixed, you're going to realize that no one -- all the premises that they baked into that systems that tell us how much it was going to cost are going to get thrown right out the window, because people -- young people aren't going to sign up.

Can I just point out? On Tuesday, we found what I thought was the smoking gun -- CGI, the company -- CGI Federal, a Canadian company that the CMS tapped to do the Web site --

GUILFOYLE: Terrible --

BOLLING: They sent a letter to the CMS saying we're not ready. We're only
55 percent ready to go, and that was six weeks before the launch. This broke this week. There's a guy named Tony Trenkle, who heads the -- he's chief technology officer at HHS who hired CMS, who told CMS to do did Web site. This guy retired yesterday. He retired with only nine days before his final day giving a nine days notice. And the date that he picked for retirement is November 15th.

Do you know what November 15th is? It's the day they're supposed to find out how many people signed up.

Now, the question is, why did he retire? Was he forced out because it was so bad or did he retire because he knew it was going to be so bad, he's out of there?

Very importantly, Trenkle was supposed to sign off on this Web site and never did. So, you want to do investigation? Find out. Get him on one of these Senate or House hearing panels.

GUTFELD: You know what the big story was on "The Today" show this morning?

BOLLING: I know what it is. I know what it was.

GUTFELD: Matt Lauer and Al Roker had prostate exams.

BOLLING: Prostate exams.

GUTFELD: So, they didn't just have their heads up their butt.

GUILFOYLE: Oh my God!

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: This is the point I'm trying to make. That's the health story they chose to do.

BOLLING: That's right. That should have been the lead.

(CROSSTALK)

GUILFOYLE: They're not bleeping him. That's the thing.

DAVIS: Politically incorrect.

GUILFOYLE: All right. I'm going to end my segment before it gets even more destroyed.

Coming up: a day after winning the governor's race in New Jersey, Chris Christie indulging some 2016 speculation. What did he say? We're going to show you.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BOLLING: I know. It's Pearl Jam. I had to go there.

Chris Christie wasting to time, fresh off the big reelection night victory in blue jersey, gave a reporter a little guidance on his plans for 2016 and becoming the leader of the free world.

GUILFOYLE: I like that.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE (R), NEW JERSEY: You've got to have a huge ego, right, oh, please, it's such a burden for you to be speculating about me being the leader of the free world. Stop, I'm so burdened. I mean, you know, that's a pretty huge ego to be complaining about that. It's complimentary, it's flattering and I have no problem with it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

BOLLING: And "Time" magazine wasting to time taking a cheap shot, taking a cheap shot at the Republican.

We'll bring it around.

Kimberly, I'm going to start with you. Here's the magazine. Let's start with the magazine. We'll get to Chris Christie 2016 after that.

Thoughts on this.

GUILFOYLE: Look, I mean, this isn't anything you weren't saying how long ago? Do I have to say that?

BOLLING: No.

GUILFOYLE: That you were right?

Look, this is the guy every exit poll that night was like let's put Christie up against Hillary Clinton.

There are some interesting exit numbers coming out of New Jersey even where they were pretty close.

DAVIS: Actually, she was winning by pay good margin.

GUILFOYLE: No, maybe by the end of the night, Lanny. Are you going to get another job?

DAVIS: No --

GUILFOYLE: That's what this is about, isn't it?

DAVIS: The fact that he's ahead by 20 points, Hillary --

BOLLNG: Stay on "Time" magazine --

DAVIS: All right. I found this offensive --

GUTFELD: Really?

DAVIS: -- tasteless. To use the word "elephant" is something "Time"
magazine must have known that even someone like me -- I like Christie. I'm a Jersey boy.

GUILFOYLE: I didn't think of it that way. I really didn't, to be honest with you, because that's a common phrase. Should they not use it because he's a big guy?

DAVIS: They should not use it. They must know it will be --

BOLLING: Look at the picture, though. I mean, you know, it's not a flattering picture.

Go ahead, Jedediah.

BILA: Would they do the similar to Hillary Clinton? That's all you have to imagine. If there was a similar word they could use to suggest that Hillary Clinton was overweight? They would absolutely never do that. So, I think it's despicable that they chose to go this route.

And if they wanted to pick on Christie? Fine, pick on his policy, pick on something substantial. But his weight? Cheap shot.

GUTFELD: All right, obviously if you look at that cover, "elephant" has multiple meanings because the elephant is the symbol of the Republican party and Chris Christie is overweight. So, they have these multiple meanings to play off of. Imagine if the shadow or the profile was President Barack Obama, we know the animal of the Democratic party is a donkey. If they had the headline "The Ass in the Room," would they have done that?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's exactly the comparison because it's insulting. It's offensive, but they would never do it. However, they did it to this guy who's got a weight problem, he has been struggling with his weight problem.
They know what they're doing. They have a way out. Would they have done that with president Obama? No, because it's wrong both ways. But I'm not offended. I can't get offended --

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Why do you expect great things from "Time" magazine?

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Let's bring it around now.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Chris Christie off the victory says maybe I'm flattered about them talking about me as president, leader of the free world, as he puts it.

BILA: He's been a contender. Okay, that's why everyone made such a big deal during the election. They were like Christie cost Mitt Romney the election because he's a powerful force, he has a huge following, everybody was looking at him not only as a vice presidential candidate that time to run with Mitt, but they're looking at him as the contender for 2016.
There's a couple of other people, sure, but he - you know -

DAVIS: Can I tell you why I'm not concerned about Christie?

I think he's a great guy. I admire him. I'm a Jersey boy. I can see why Democrats would vote for him. That's why the wacko far right Republican party will never nominate someone who's electible, and that will save us once again.

BOLLING: Why do you call the far right wacko?

(CROSSTALK)

DAVIS: You're not a wacko. You're a thoughtful conservative. It's not an oxymoron.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Why do you (ph) call the Tea Party guy a wacko? Why is that?

DAVIS: Because the folks that decided that government shutdown was a better strategy than focusing on ObamaCare, God bless them, they'll never nominate this man.

GUILFOYLE: Hold on a second, though, because as I recall we were told that Mitt Romney was electable, and John McCain was electable and every time you go with the moderate choice that you're told this is the electable guy, turns out he's not electable.

I like Christie's gutsiness. I think people are drawn to someone who calls it like he sees it. He's a no nonsense kind of guy. But if you dig in on the issues, if you look at gun control, immigration, and some of these key issues, I think he's going to have a hard time with conservatives. Even on economic issues in New Jersey, that's not because they're crazy, that's because they want someone principled who draws a clear line between left and right so people have a reason to get out and vote for a Republican (ph).

GUILFOYLE: He's less conservative than Romney. That's the problem.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know, President Obama was an excellent choice for the Democrats because he was appealing, and he was appealing in a number of different ways. He could communicate, he was likable, he was charming. I don't like likable charming people because I think it's a camouflage.
People that are rough and rude --

DAVIS: You like unlikable, uncharming people.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: I like jerks. I feel they have nothing to hide.

BOLLING: Do you like me, Greg?

GUTFELD: Yeah, I like you.

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: My point is --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: A large (ph) guy (ph), that guys has nothing to hide, and I think that there's something different about Christie than McCain or Mitt. He could engage people that they couldn't. I'm a conservative who can forfeit
20 percent of the American Conservative Union meeting if this guy can win.
I said this before. You win and then you fight.

BOLLING: You're going to hate this then. Before we go, I wasn't going to say anything, but I never like to hold back. Last Tuesday after dropping my son off to school. I was driving to my New Jersey polling location and it hit me. I can't vote for the lesser of two evils. I'm not a moderate, I don't support big government, I don't support tax increases and I sure don't support additional gun control. Governor Christie, I've got to tell you, I want to win in 2016 as much as anyone but not because I want an R in the White House. I'm a conservative, I want a warrior for those conservative values, and for now I think you've got a lot of work to do to earn my vote and millions of people like me.

GUTFELD: Thank goodness.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Coming up, new trouble for Toronto's crack-smoking mayor. There's a new tape that emerged of Rob Ford. It's not good for him. Good for us, though. It shows him in a crazy rage. Wait until you hear what he says.
We'll watch it when "The Five" returns.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

DAVIS: Okay. Imagine the surprise of finding out your house is up in flames and firefighters couldn't save it in time. They let it burn to the ground. Imagine the shock of getting a bill from them for almost $20,000 for their services. It happened recently in the ironically named town of Surprise, Arizona. Homeowner Justin Purcell (ph) got the bill from the Rural Metro Fire Department because his home is in an unincorporated town in Arizona without any fire coverage. He could have purchased coverage
from Rural Metro for about $500 a year. He didn't. Here's Purcell's take.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JUSTIN PURCELL, HOMEOWNER: Definitely a surprise. It was a shocker.
$1,500 a truck. I think they're paying the firefighters 150 an hour. There were several of them. If it was reasonable, and I don't know what reasonable is on the amount of putting out the fire, but $20,000 to do a mop up on the fire is ridiculous.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

DAVIS: So Eric, starting with you, do you agree with me if he had ObamaCare everything would be all right?

BOLLING: That is ObamaCare. Here's what happened. The homeowner's house burned down and now he's mad he that he didn't buy the insurance prior to it. What it is is the whole preexisting insurance thing. ObamaCare guarantees you to have preexisting insurance, even though you have a preexisting issue. Instead I'm in favor of this. I'm sorry Mr. Homeowner.
Your house burned down. You should have purchased insurance prior to the fire.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: It's like buying insurance after getting (INAUDIBLE)

DAVIS: Proving my point about hard-hearted conservatives. What do you think? Do you think this guy deserved $20,000 and they didn't even put the fire out?

BILA: I don't think. The worst part is his house is gone at the end of the story. It's not like he has to pay $20,000 and his house is still standing. He has nothing left. I think it's crazy, and I think that they could have charged him anything. Who's to say that could have charged him
25 or 35, or 40. He could have come home and had any amount of value that he had to pay, which he didn't agree to and had no knowledge of

GUILFOYLE: Let me give you breaking news okay. There's no -- soft, warm heart.

DAVIS: Liberal bleeding heart.

GUILFOYLE: Love sandwich. They had no written agreement. I think it's going to be tough for them to go after the homeowner. They were not called and asked to respond. They took in on their own accord to go out there, they arrived 24 minutes after the fire started. Basically it was burnt to the ground. And they're like give us 20k for the -- an aggressive mop up.
I'm sorry. They don't have to legally pay them. That's the deal.

DAVIS: He had an option to pay money at a rural area to cover the costs and not free load. Don't you think he should pay some of this money?

BOLLING: Maybe they could work something out. The lesson I learned from this. Everywhere you live, there's a risk. If you're in Malibu it's mudslides. San Francisco it's earthquakes. Colorado it's wildfires, Chicago Rahm Emanuel.

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: You know who I blame this on? I blame this fire on the main
stream media -

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: I think Obama should be impeached. You agree don't you?

DAVIS: There is an issue. If you live in a rural area, you have to pay.
It is very expensive.

GUILFOYLE: $20,000? How much is the house worth?

DAVIS: This case is probably going to be decided as Purcell said, which is something a little bit more reasonable. The poor guy had his house burn down before they showed up.

GUILFOYLE: There's a moral to the story. Yes, purchase the fire insurance.
It's cheaper to buy the $500 insurance and then get this crazy bill --

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: Do you think it should be mandatory enforced?

GUILFOYLE: I'm giving positive advice, constructive advice for homeowners in areas like this so it doesn't happen to God for bid --

BOLLING: Is this because you're an arsonist?

DAVIS: I've got to switch from a really easy topic of fires burning down to political careers burning down. Earlier this week, Toronto's mayor admitted smoking crack. There's something worse. A new video where Rob Ford is threatening to kill someone in what appears to be a drunken rage.
I don't think we have a tape for you what's easy to watch.

BOLLING: Oh, it is.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUILFOYLE: This week, Toronto's mayor Rob Ford admitted to smoking crack while he's been in office. And today, he's got a new PR problem on his hands. A video has emerged of Ford in a wild, curse-laden rage threatening to kill someone. Watch.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ROB FORD, TORONTO MAYOR: I'll rip his (EXPLETIVE DELETED) throat out.
I'll poke his eyes out. I will (EXPLETIVE DELETED) (inaudible) when he's dead. I'll make sure that (EXPLETIVE DELETED) is dead. I'll (inaudible) make sure he's dead. It will be over in five minutes. (inaudible)

I want to go with Ted. I need 15 minutes. That's all -- no (EXPLETIVE
DELETED) (inaudible), brother.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: And this afternoon he talked to reporters about it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

FORD: I saw the video. It's extremely embarrassing. The whole world is going to see it. I -- I you know what? I don't have a problem with that.
But it is extremely embarrassing. When you're in that state --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Rob Ford for prime minister!

FORD: When you're in that state -- I hope -- I hope none of you have ever or will ever be in that state. Obviously, I was extremely, extremely inebriated.

GUILFOYLE: How does this guy still have a job? Kimberly, I have to ask
you.

BILA: Ask Marion Barry.

GUILFOYLE: Will he ever -- will this guy ever reach the point where he's
faced enough shame and humiliation where you think he'll actually resign?

BILA: Well, he just said that it's embarrassing, but that he's OK that the world is going to see it. I mean, look, he obviously has multiple issues, a polysubstance abuser, I imagine. I mean, it's just very sad, the whole thing. I don't know what's wrong with him, a lot. But he'll probably, you know, keep his job, go onto great things.

GUTFELD: So judgmental.

GUILFOYLE: What do you think about this, Greg?

GUTFELD: I just think Kimberly's really judgmental. He's an interesting Canadian. Given his crack addiction and his threatening outbursts, he's still not as bad as Celine Dion or Alanis Morissette.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You would. You like terrible music. Justin Bieber's also Canadian. There are a lot of Canadians that are worse than this guy.
Canadian -- Justin Beiber just spray painted a hotel wall in Brazil, and he's not being arrested?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Allegedly.

ERIC BOLLING, FOX ANCHOR: Did you see the Brazilian girl taking the selfie while sleeping next to him?

I hope this guy doesn't step -- this is the best thing that's happened to Toronto ever.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: He's awesome! This guy is incredible. Chris Farley, right?
remember Chris Farely, the character where he was just off the rails like that? He is -- Chris Farley.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He's on the rails.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Chris Farley died.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look at that picture.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Lanny, I have to ask you, though. If you were a politician, wouldn't you sort of take a minute to sit back and think think about your life and say, 'Well, maybe I shouldn't do that or do this,' or think about the technology we have that might be capturing it?

DAVIS: You know, this is hard to even joke about. This guy is a sad, very sick, very ill -- should resign and get help. He's got family. He's got friends.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Does he have family? Is he married?

DAVIS: I don't know. But he needs help.

(CROSSTALK)

DAVIS: I'm a crisis manager, and this guy needs personal counseling and needs to get out of office and take care of himself and beyond that --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Especially a crack addiction.

DAVIS: -- I can't find a joke.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: SNL lost Chris Farely. They -- maybe they can hire him.

GUILFOYLE: Eric, do you think it's weird that we can't forcefully remove
him from office in some way, that we can't force him to get out? We have to sort of wait for him to resign or hope that they pass some kind of legislation that gives him a leave of absence. Isn't it odd that no -- this circumstance wouldn't sort of warrant get out of office? Eric?

BOLLING: I don't care. He's a Canadian.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: I hope they find more video tapes because I'd like to do the segment tomorrow.

(CROSSTALK)

BILA:(inaudible) trying to do a serious segment here, poor thing.

GUILFOYLE: No, because, you know, it seems odd to me that nothing
justifies you're not qualified for this. You have poor character.

GUTFELD: Look at it this way. No, here's the weird thing about this story. It is -- and Lanny's right. It's sad, and it could get worse. But in a private company or in a corporate setting you could do something about it, and would you do something about it. If this was a guy, an executive in your company doing this sort of thing, you would act. And this person is a political figure, and you can't do anything.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Your hands are tied no matter what he does.

(CROSSTALK)

DAVIS: He's gotta get medical help. And I hope he has a family and a support system.

GUTFELD: But, I mean, he can't -- if he had a wife -- if he had a wife, where is she? I think he's a -- I dunno. He must be a bachelor. I was like that 10 years ago.

GUILFOYLE: We shall see if anything else surfaces. And one more thing is
up next for you guys.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's time for one more thing. I'm going to go first. It's time for "I Hate These People." All right, this was a letter to the New York Times etiquette column. The woman writes, "A friend and I were visiting a relative at a retirement home. And people kept interrupting us. Other residents were stopping by to say hello. It began to -- we began to feel annoyed with these people. allowing these disruptions. If the situation should have been handled differently." You're in a rest home! These people are lonely! They see visitors. They come in there. They're happy to see new faces. And you're mad that they're interrupted you? I hate you! I really, really hate you.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is he always like this?

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: You know, it's like you go to a rest home. There's people that are sitting there. They don't get visitors, and there's somebody who's getting visitors, and you're mad that they're interrupting you? What a bunch of jerks.

DAVIS: Are you on your meds today?

(LAUGHTER)

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm on everybody's meds.

GUILFOYLE: He needs a little Metamucil today. OK. All right.

GUTFELD: I hate these people.

BILA:Excuse me. It's my turn.

All right, so this is really inspirational video for women across the country and families who have been supporting the women that have suffered from breast cancer. Take a look at this video.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(voice-over): This is an obgyn at Mount Zion Hospital in San Francisco who is about to undergo a double mastectomy. And she got all the doctors and everybody there to have a little dance party with her to dance it out before she underwent surgery. She's having a great attitude. Isn't that cute?

(CROSSTALK)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUILFOYLE: It is Reverend Billy Graham's 95th birthday today. So I want
to wish him a very happy birthday. He will be celebrating at his North Carolina home with hundreds of people who will be celebrating his life.
And right here on the Fox News Channel at 10:00 p.m. Eastern time, with Sean Hannity, there will be a special airing that you will not want to miss. So happy birthday to him. And I can't wait to see what's going on tonight at 10 p.m.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Cool, Lanny?

DAVIS: All right, everybody, behold. My 15-year-old son, Josh Davis, at home, behold. I am not a dinosaur. This is a Blackberry. Blackberry users of the world unite. We will take this back. We will not let it die.
Cause if it dies, I die.

(CROSSTALK)

DAVIS: Here we go, together.

GUILFOYLE: But mine doesn't work at all. I'm getting an iphone tomorrow.

(LAUGHTER)

DAVIS: No iphone, Josh.

(LAUGHTER)

BOLLING: Josh, we'll send you an e-mail text on my iphone saying, "Hey, dad, you're a dinosaur." Blackberries are a dinosaur. You gotta get the iphone.

GUTFELD: It's covered with bacteria too. People take their Blackberries into the bathroom. It's awful.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And they don't take iphones?

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: The whole thing is, wash your hands into the bathroom, not on the way out.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Both.

(CROSSTALK)

BOLLING: All right, so we've been talking about the Incognito, Jonathan Martin thing with the Dolphins. This news broke this afternoon. NBC sports subsidiary pro football talk.com says that when Incognito was told by the coaches to toughen up, J. Mart went to the Dolphins general manager, Jeff Ireland. And Jeff Ireland suggested to J. Martin that he punch Incognito in the face. You wanna know something? That's probably the only good advice that's been given in this whole saga.

GUTFELD: All right then.

(LAUGHTER)

Don't punch someone in the face. Because that's wrong unless, you know, you're those guys. OK! Thanks for watching.

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