Common Sense

Cavuto: 'Truth, justice and the American way' doesn't cut it

Real superheroes fight to protect Americans

 

Well, look what we have here--debuting today!

A super hero trying to muscle in on guess whose turf?

I know what you're thinking.

"Hey, Cavuto, I thought you were the super hero."

Well, I am, but I can see how easy it is to get confused.

Cavill, Cavuto. We kind of have the same last names.

And look at us--like we were separated at birth, right?

Him doing his, look at all the incredible stuff I can do thing!

Kind of shamelessly ripping off my working out in the gym thing right?

I know, I know, it's shameless, right?

P.S. one word--Photoshop!

This guy? One word: tastykake.

And no, in case you're curious--

Mister Fake Super Hero did not ask Mister Real Superhero for any advice.

Pity, because I'd have told him, "truth, justice and the American way" doesn't cut it.

More like--

Truth, justice and Americans aren't going to pay--that's cutting it!

But go ahead, Hank, you don't mind if I call you Hank, do you; go plop in front of the green screen and act like you're flying.

I'll continue reading this prompter.

And put a stop to all this very real spending.

I mean, am I missing something here?

Oh sure, this latest Superman might wow them at the box office.

But guess who strikes fear in every Washington office?

Not Hank.

Yep. Me.

Because while Mister Heart-Throb here was working on his close-up guess who was beating Washington up?

Not pretty boy.

Whose dad was apparently Russell Crowe, but went by Jor-El.

This boy, whose dad was Cavuto, but better known for saying things like, "What the hell?"

Guess that doesn't have the same super ring, does it, Supe?

Just like going after real life financial villains apparently doesn't cut it?

Let me tell you something, Mister Chin-you-could-hang-clothes-on, people can see you're just a come-on.

You don't have to start out as a guy named Clark Kent, working on a commercial fishing vessel, to know something's fishy.

(Which was a beyond stupid setup, by the way, what happened to the "Daily Planet" reporter thing?)

Apparently, it took you years on that boat to put two and two together. I guess you also have a skull of steel!

Well, try putting two trillion and two trillion together.

That's what I do every day, Sir Spandex!!

Oh, I'm sure the business world bores you.

So keep fighting those unreal monsters from space that seem to obsess you.

Me? I'll be focusing on the far more real threats you're flying too high to even see!

The oh so normal looking politicians.

Who are stealing, and spying, and record-collecting, and e-mail gathering and lots of other bad stuff, just like that.

I fight for them, Hack, I mean, Hank.

You keep trying to impress your adoptive dad on earth, played by, Kevin Costner.

Great example there, bud.

Getting advice on saving the world from Mister Waterworld.

I'm sure you'll impress some.

Let's just say you're taxing me now.

Because long after you've put your cape away for a sequel, you hope will make you millions.

I'll be toiling away going after waste, fraud and abuse that cost Americans trillions.

Just because you look like me, don't think you can ever be me!

There's only one financial hero in this town, Mister Steel Jaw.

And don't you ever dismiss him because he might look more like Jelly Jaw.

So good luck wowing them this weekend, Supe!

Wish I could hang around, but I've got a world to save right now.