Miller: NASA Mars control room a 'nerd rave'

Comedian is back from vacation and ready to riff on GOP convention and the Mars landing

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," August 8, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, FOX NEWS HOST: Thanks for staying with us. I'm Bill O'Reilly.

In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, the Sage of Southern California back from vacation. Miller join us now from Santa Barbara.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Billy, I was overseas in Madison.

O'REILLY: Madison is a place that's an out-of-body experience.

MILLER: What is it with...

O'REILLY: He did a good job with those things, didn't he?

MILLER: What was "The Tip of the Day," cut back on the weed?

O'REILLY: Wheat, wheat.

MILLER: Wheat?

O'REILLY: Yes, not weed. Weed would be a good one, too. I mean, you don't want to walk around in a fog. But wheat, that's what we're talking about out there.

MILLER: All right. Nice to be back. I missed you. Are you seeing other pundits or did you miss me?

O'REILLY: No, we had Carolla in for you a couple of days. And...

MILLER: Break my heart.

O'REILLY: The problem with that, you have to sober him up like 20 minutes before. Slap him around. But he's good once he gets on the air.

MILLER: Yes, once he gets up and running.

O'REILLY: All right. So GOP convention down in Tampa, big power- packed lineup but no Sarah Palin. So what do you think is going on?

MILLER: Well, you know what, Billy? Here's what I'd do if I was doing the convention. I would appoint the speakers of the GOP... I'd pick Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Joe Biden. I'd let them have all the time.

And then, at the end if I was Romney, I'd just come out and go, "Really? Really?"

I think I'd let any of those, if you're talking lineup, any of those three would be my D.H., my designated half-wit. I would just let them speak and then say, "You don't want any more of this."

And I would also hold the convention for one night. Two hours. I'd say, "This is pretty simple, folks. We're going to take the money we'd spend on the four or five nights. We're going to put it on the deck. Here' s what we think. Here's what he thinks. Let's get it on on November 6. Then I would have Chris Christie come out and slap around a photog, and I'd move on.

O'REILLY: That would be a good visual there, with the governor of New Jersey. I don't think a lot of people -- Americans are going to watch either convention. No drama like Palin in St. Paul four years ago. I think Governor Romney is going to name his V.P. guy within a week or so. Everybody will know that. That will be a frenzy when that happens.

But this one, we're going to have to... I want people to watch "The Factor," because we're going to have you and we're going to have everybody else responding to whatever happens on the floor. Now, while you were...

MILLER: Maybe we'll jump up. Maybe we'll jump up at the convention and do 15, Billy. We've been working good together.

O'REILLY: Yes, you and I can do a little Bolder Fresher, riff for a little while. Both sides.

MILLER: A little tag team.

O'REILLY: While you were in Greece and we'll get to that in a moment... floating around the GNC, the USA was popping up to Mars. And you say?

MILLER: Well, I see that Obama did not congratulate anybody, because it's a red planet. So, he wasn't into it.

But that control room freaked out when they landed. It was like a nerve rave or nerd rave or something. Everybody was getting their geek on. I wish I had the pocket protector concession at that party over there.

The footage always looks a little shaky to me from Mars. It looks like DeLorean buying blow in a hotel room. I wish we'd see something really cool coming out of Mars, like that squirrel water skiing, something like that. I think we should keep the money down here and not spend it on Mars. If we're not going to have any place to launch from in around a decade, all right? Keep the money down here. If you want footage from Mars, I'll take my iPhone out and throw it out the window in Barstow. We'll get the same pictures.

O'REILLY: Yes, I don't know what we're getting up there, but I'm sure we're getting stuff that's going to develop, you know, a fingernail-sized computer that you'll be able to implant in your forehead and then you'll be able to see whatever. I don't know.

MILLER: Seems like a waste of money. Billy, when was the last time you drank Tang? Seems like a waste of money to me.

O'REILLY: OK. So Miller, talking about wasting money, goes to Europe. And...

MILLER: I was in Greece and Paris. It's like Dennis Miller 2012 precursors of America's impending fiscal doom tour.

O'REILLY: As soon as you landed in Athens, riots broke out. Are you aware of that?

MILLER: Yes. That happens. It's a pretty...

O'REILLY: We're looking at it right here.

MILLER: It's not -- it's not hard -- other than rioting, it's not a hard-working culture. In the afternoon they take a nap within a snooze within a siesta. It's like a Mediterranean turducken at this point. I went over to Parthenon-sufficient funding and saw that site. Very beautiful this time of year.

O'REILLY: Now, the goddess of naps, do you know who that is? The goddess of naps? Because they have gods and goddesses for everything. So there's a goddess of...

MILLER: No, I didn't know that. Who is the goddess of naps?

O'REILLY: Melina Mercouri. Remember that? The...

MILLER: Yes, I do, but never on a Sunday. Never on a Sunday, Billy.

O'REILLY: Were you floating or were you running around in Greece? Were you floating on the water?

MILLER: I was visiting a friend, and I was staying within a heavily- guarded compound, as I should, being a FOX employee in Greece. Then I went over to France, and the French are still a little attitudinal. I know they gave us the Statue of Liberty. But I'm beginning to think they were going to throw it out anyway, because they don't seem very friendly to us.

I went over to Gustave Eikel -- Eiffel's tombstone and I laid a wreath on it. The incarnation (ph) said you didn't build that. So that was my homage to...

O'REILLY: Excellent, in French. And by the way, the French government now wants to raise the highest tax -- income tax rate 75 percent. Whoa!

MILLER: It's appropriate. It's appropriate the new president's name is Hollande, because that's where every rich guy in France is going to take off to.

O'REILLY: That's right, where they're going. Dennis Miller, back again.

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