This is a rush transcript from "The Five," July 16, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
FORMER REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-N.Y.: I am here today to again apologize for the personal mistakes I have made. I had hoped to be able to continue the work that the citizens of my district elected me to do.
Unfortunately the distractions that I have created made that impossible. So today I am announcing my resignation from Congress.
(CHEERS)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bye-bye, pervert!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
(LAUGHTER)
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: What did the guy say?
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: "Goodbye pervert." That was actually Donald Trump.
All right. So Anthony Weiner, he wants to return to New York public service, not as The Naked Cowboy, but as a mayor. So, why is he pining for politics?
It's simple. What else can he do? He's the epitome of male "arrested development." No clear skills -- not even on the Web. He couldn't even master Twitter. Forget a forklift. Not that I'm much different, but I keep my shorts on, unless they start to itch.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Eww.
GUTFELD: Ween's preening reveals more than an obsession with hairlessness, but a relentlessness immaturity that affects tons of men. He's a product of society that thinks children should be on their parents' health insurance until 26. By 26, I was slipping disks.
But in O's America, beta males call the shots and in doing so, they remind us that they should have stayed in their rooms playing "Dungeons and Dragons." The geeks may have inherited the Earth but they're no better prepared to lead it than the old cavemen were under George W.
So, let's not reward Anthony with a comeback, just he can fulfill his nerd revenge fantasy. Have him take grown-up lessons first. Intern for O'Reilly.
But if he does return -- and if the left can cover for Bill Clinton, they can certainly cover for Weiner -- there will be a silver lining, the jokes will write themselves which is a big help for me on "The Five."
Bob --
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: If he decides to return, or to rise above, rise backward, would you, could you ever give him campaign advice?
BECKEL: If he rises back? That is as funny as your underwear thing.
No, no, he rises. So did Moby Dick. Remember? He did!
GUILFOYLE: Oh my God! Bob!
GUTFELD: All right. That was my mistake going to you.
GUILFOYLE: Why --
GUTFELD: Because I thought you had all the campaign experience and you would say what he could do.
BECKEL: OK, what you could -- with him?
GUTFELD: How --
BECKEL: Nothing. You couldn't. If we have all the money in the world, you couldn't rehabilitate this guy.
GUTFELD: Really?
BECKEL: I mean, this is no chance. Unless he's got a 40-person primary field, that he can come up through that. Poke his way through it or something.
GUILFOYLE: Move on from Bob. Please?
GUTFELD: You are a P.R. expert. What should he do? I feel like if something like this happens you go build an orphanage and come back three years later.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: You leave the country and you go and build a cabin in the woods or do something different. Or you go and do something different. He kind of did get off the stage a little while but he must crave the Klieg lights so much.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I don't understand -- does he want to run the city? Does he want to protect and make the city run better? I don't know if that is true. Or it's more of a vanity --
GUTFELD: It's vanity.
GUILFOYLE: He needs a job. Yes, and he thought he might have a better chance to be public advocate.
Honestly, is there no one else who can run for office? Is this the best we can do?
GUTFELD: I think he misread the public, but I'm not sure.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Very nice.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
BOLLING: Can I make two quick points?
GUTFELD: Yes?
BOLLING: Number one, he's got $4.1 million in the campaign chest. So, he's trying to figure out what to do with it. Why not run for a big job like mayor. Honestly, I don't think it's that off-beat he would win mayoral election in New York City. This place is crazy enough to elect him.
GUTFELD: The picture will come back.
BOLLING: Can I also make one quick point?
PERINO: Yes.
BOLLING: It's still the number one most amazing media event in the entire history in my life is when the helicopters waiting for this guy to step down and apologize and say I did it and I'm wrong. News media everywhere. Blank podium waiting for him, Andrew Breitbart --
GUILFOYLE: Breitbart.
BOLLING: -- in front of the podium and steals the moment.
GUTFELD: He didn't want to go. The reporter saw him. And said, he knew that they had pictures. Get up there. He had to start talking.
It was one of the most surreal moments. We're all sitting at our desks in the 18th floor writing and we're going, like, what's Breitbart, he's doing on our show tonight?
PERINO: A political question for you, though. One way to make a comeback with the party would be to take the $4.3 million that he has in his war chest and start making donations to fellow Democrats. Why can't he do that?
BECKEL: Well, that would probably not be a bad idea. But I think he wants to keep it together.
I think -- but if Spitzer is going to make a comeback, I will admit, maybe they could run together on the perversion ticket.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Speaking of which, I have today, Donald trump made me laugh at loud. Weiner is a sexual pervert and they can never be healed.
And then he said that Weiner's wife, Huma, has to drop him before it happens again. Agree.
GUTFELD: Is she going to drop him?
BECKEL: Why hasn't she done it yet?
PERINO: Maybe she loves him.
GUILFOYLE: He travels a lot.
GUTFELD: You're hopeless romantic.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: No, I think it's for power. I mean, she likes being --
GUILFOYLE: But she's with Clinton. How much more power do you need?
BECKEL: Who is the woman with the knife? What is her name?
GUTFELD: You are thinking of a movie.
PERINO: It might not be public yet.
BECKEL: Virginia. Bobbitt.
PERINO: Lorena.
BECKEL: Lorena Bobbitt.
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