This is a rush transcript from "The Five," June 4, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Well, I tried to watch the MTV Movie Awards last night, but something stopped me. Oh, yes, I threw up.
If MTV were a person, it would be a divorced dad getting an earring trying to hit on his teenage daughter's friends. It's the old fool trying to be cool. I admire however how the aging in-crowd sticks together even as they fall apart.
Take the ad that aired in the awards with the annoying lady with three names. In it, she raffles off a dinner with herself, the president and his wife.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SARAH JESSICA PARKER, ACTRESS: OK. The guy who entered the war in Iraq and the guy who said you should be able to marry anyone you want, and the guy who created 4 million new jobs, that guy, President Obama, and Michelle are coming to my house for dinner on June 14.
So go right here, right now, because we need him and he needs us.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: We need him and he needs us. Who is "we"?
I call it a co-dependence of cool, where both sides cling to each other while everyone else jumps ship. Celebs desperate to be seen as smart, not shallow, cling to Obama as the P.C. life raft during auditions frappuccino runs at coke parties. Saying vote Obama beats thinking it's the best thing to happen since no-talents since breast implants, which is why Hollywood is now Obama's volunteer PR army and personal ATM machine.
While the prez and his cult are the best star pairing since Thelma and Louise -- and you know how that ended. Also, if Anna Wintour is the face of your campaign, your face -- your campaign may need a facelift.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNA WINTOUR, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, VOGUE: Sarah Jessica and I both have our own reasons to supporting President Obama. We want to hear yours. So please join us, but just don't be late.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I love Mick Jagger's new wig.
Anyway, do you really want advice from a person's whose mink coat owns a mink coat? Remember, celebrities, they think you're stupid -- agreeing with them proves it.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You know, that was one of your better monologues. Do you remember what you said?
GUTFELD: Absolutely not. I wrote it this morning in a haze.
BECKEL: Do you know what the segment is about?
GUTFELD: Yes, I do what the segment was about.
BECKEL: OK, go ahead.
GUTFELD: All right. I want to ask Andrea this, because I find this funny. Sarah talks about as a women, mother and entrepreneur, she needs to believe this country is a place where everyone has a fair shot. Didn't her success start under Ronald Reagan in the '80s with square pegs? Under Reagan and then Bush? And "Sex in the City" came in Bush.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: That's true. That's actually very true.
GUTFELD: I don't know why I know that.
BECKEL: Why does it matter?
TANTAROS: I'm assuming that her character, her character in "Sex in the City" is the character they want all of the young girls watching the awards to identify with.
This was a character, Carrie Bradshaw, who by the way is not real, but never took a government check. She wasn't on subsidies as far as we know.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: She was no Julia.
TANTAROS: She was no Julia is right. This is for dual purposes. The youth vote and the woman's vote. They are having big trouble with the woman's vote.
You know what, the Kerry campaign did this exact thing in 2004. They rolled out Sarah Jessica Parker. She said, "I can't believe any woman would vote for President George W. Bush." And look who won? SJP does not speak for me.
BECKEL: She certainly doesn't.
GUTFELD: Bob, you're a huge fan of "Sex in the City." You own all the DVDs.
BECKEL: I do.
GUTFELD: Do you think she's going to help --
GUILFOYLE: He cries during that.
BECKEL: I think the idea of putting on a British person to ask for votes -- because we whooped them once. In 1812 we whooped them a second time. I don't think it's the best idea is to go and try to take them on again.
GUTFELD: But Bob is right, Eric. When you think about it, we got -- the problem with the economy, everybody is hurting. And to bring out this incredibly elitist, remote woman who looks down on everything to come out and tell us how to vote?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I love being on with you right now. This is amazing.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Can I just point out that Michelle Obama keeps e-mailing me. It's really getting annoying, I got another e-mail from her today.
GUILFOYLE: Remember when you scared her at the White House dinner and --
BOLLING: She's saying, to hang out with Barack and I, we want you and come to Sarah Jessica Parker's house for fundraising.
BECKEL: She doesn't like you.
GUILFOYLE: In defense of SJP, she's a very nice lady. She really is. She's very generous. I'm just telling you, she's very nice and well-liked.
BOLLING: She's politically astute. She's fantastic. She's fair. She's balanced. She had a chance to take a shot at Sarah Palin once and said it's not right.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.
BOLLING: You may or may not like her for a politics but don't take a shot at her. I like Sarah Jessica Parker. She can support Obama, who cares.
BECKEL: OK.
GUILFOYLE: My nanny works for her sometimes.
GUTFELD: Well, in that case. I change my whole opinion if your nanny works for her. What is wrong with you, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: A nice lady.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Can I just point out one thing? The thing that she said that is about fairness. Have you noticed with the left-- fairness replaces freedom. It should be about freedom, not fairness.
BECKEL: What is -- in the entire segment, we haven't talked about Mitty.
Now, what is -- who is favoring Mitt?
GUTFELD: Who cares?
BECKEL: That's the point. That's the whole point. That is the whole point. Who cares?
TANTAROS: The point is, do these celebrity endorsements really help?
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: Do you want to turn over the presidency to this guy who's had no experience?
TANTAROS: Anna Wintour? I'm sorry, but the 18-year-olds watching those awards or 15-year-olds or 14-year-olds, they don't read Vogue magazine. They can't even afford one of the shoes.
GUILFOYLE: Unless Greg while medicated bid on it and you have something to tell us.
GUTFELD: Not true.
So, can you imagine a more boring dinner? Seriously. Unless Matthew Broderick was doing the dishes, I would not pay.
TANTAROS: Or unless they take whatever you're talking.
BECKEL: You know, that is a bad shot. Listen, one thing Obama is, he's not boring. Anybody who meets this guy thinks that he's a very --
GUTFELD: I'm talking about Anna Wintour.
BECKEL: Oh, Anna Wintour? You wouldn't understand her, that's the problem.
You're supposed to tease. That means get out. Ready?
GUTFELD: Other people in America can't hear what is in your ear, Bob. So if you say we have to tease, they don't know what you're talking about.
BECKEL: To you, it's time to get out now, Greg.
GUTFELD: OK.
BECKEL: OK.
GUILFOYLE: I know. What do you want me to do?
GUTFELD: I do not miss him. I was gone for a week. It didn't hear him for a week.
GUILFOYLE: Take some more medication.
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