This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 28, 2012. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Welcome back to our special Memorial Day edition of "The Five."
So, EPA, whoever they are, has partnered with NASCAR to promote environmentally correct activities, including the purchase of sustainable concession at the car races. NASCAR also claimed they will plant 10 trees for every race to capture all the emissions produced by the cars.
Which leads me to wonder how do you verify that? My gut tells me carbon emission math has the accuracy of a North Korean missile. This ploy is designed to get fans and suppliers to think green. What is left out is anything pertaining to the racing. The cars eat up 2 million gallons of gas a year, while averaging just five miles per gallon.
So, if you're burning the nation of Kuwait each Sunday, going sustainable seems futile. It's like putting a Band-Aid on headless man, or using a tooth brush to clean the BP oil spill or asking Alec Baldwin to shave his back. It's too little, too late.
Anyway, the only thing really polluting is this phony symbolism perpetrated by the EPA as it tries to strong arm businesses into toeing the ideological lies.
Why do they do this? Well, as long as people buy into it, the EPA has a reason for its existence. It's a self-perpetuating rocket going round and round without a checkered flag in sight.
See what I did there, Eric?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Good.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Good job.
GUTFELD: I wrote that at a bar last night. I don't remember writing it.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You've been in a place than a bar?
BECKEL: You ever go to any place than a bar, you ever go home?
GUTFELD: Bars are the best place to write because you sit and concentrate and you drink.
BECKEL: I never concentrate when I drink. I guarantee you that.
GUTFELD: Anyway, let me ask you, Eric, because is this futile? This is the silliest symbolism ever. I mean, it's good they're recycling, right?
BOLLING: I guess. But you're right. It's all symbolism. NASCAR wants to play nice with the EPA. But the NASCAR fans aren't really interested in seeing a car on biofuel or electric car. God forbid you don't hear the engine. You want to hear the roar of the engine.
If you put biofuel in gas engine, ethanol or some of the other forms of biofuels, number one performance will go down. Race would be slower. More importantly, you're going to ruin multimillion dollar engines because there's so much water.
So, what they said, nice, we'll plant 10 trees. They're smart. They are doing their part. Don't mess with the cars.
GUILFOYLE: I like trees.
GUTFELD: Bob loves NASCAR because all the cars turn left.
BECKEL: I said I like to go to races. But I wish I had chewing gum concession and the bouffant hairdo concession. Outside of that, it's fine. I enjoy it. Have you ever sat --
GUILFOYLE: Yes, like our hair.
BECKEL: Really, not like that exactly.
GUTFELD: You chew gum with meeting of executive and stash gum under the desk. You --
GUILFOYLE: Did you put it under the table? Dana saw that. You and I missed it.
BECKEL: You know the 24 hours of Lemans? What you ought to have is have all electric cars and have 24 years of Lemans.
GUTFELD: That would be funny.
BECKEL: Can you imagine electric cars and those sounds? Impossible. Parking lot, once I get out of a parking lot at a NASCAR race. I never did. I was in a trailer and I couldn't get out.
GUTFELD: Did somebody lock you in? Why am I asking? Why am I asking?
BECKEL: Ever heard of "coyotes ugly"?
GUTFELD: You know, this goes to meaning well. They mean well with the recycling and a trees, but they've got cars going around and around.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: I know. And here's the dirty little secret. They actually could have switched to a more hybrid ethanol blend of fuel in 2006. Indy cars did it. They've done it. They went on E-15. And now they are on E- 85, 85 percent ethanol, 15 percent gasoline. Indy car has a huge green initiative where they do recycling.
And so, I think NASCAR is really late in the game in this one to join this. But they are going --
BOLLING: Don't change the fuel.
TANTAROS: It's already done, 2011 they switch.
BECKEL: You need the Brazilian rain forest to get rid of the emissions. Ten trees. Are you kidding me?
GUTFELD: They should raise termites because they emit more CO2 than human beings.
GUILFOYLE: Why not raise gerbils next? I mean, really?
GUTFELD: What's that supposed to mean, Kimberly?
GUILFOYLE: What I'm saying is, it's NASCAR.
GUTFELD: You're referencing to something in my past.
GUILFOYLE: This is America! We love fast cars. Now you take the gas out of the tank. I mean, really, you want to talk about wasting a lot of fuel and polluting the environment. Carbon Chewbacca footprint.
Talk to the White House about Air Force One. It's a huge carbon footprint. With all the gas miles. Not to mention about the campaigning flying back.
TANTAROS: By the way, shout out to Indy car drivers.
BECKEL: Truck drivers --
GUTFELD: Quickly, I got to wrap.
TANTAROS: Yesterday was the Indy 500. I want to give a shout out my best friends, sponsors two of the teams. Car number 67 and car 31, Joseph Nugard (ph) and Bryan Clauson.
BECKEL: Good luck, boys.
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