This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 7, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: So, what kind of man in his 50s throws a tantrum over a toy? Alec Baldwin, of course.
He got kicked off a plane when told he couldn't play an electronic game. That's him there, sweaty. So, he slammed the restroom door so loud it spooked the pilot.
But look, it's just too easy to rip Baldwin over this. Like this jerk.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Alec thinks it's funny and all going on Twitter. But everyone in the plane had to wait for him to move his big fat rump. So, isn't he, kind of, an unthinking (EXPLETIVE DELETED)?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What a creep! Devilishly handsome, but still a creep.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Oh, yes.
GUTFELD: But when you think about it, isn't Baldwin the real hero here?
See, there are two sets of rules in America -- one for us and then one for the truly vulnerable: celebrities. And someone has to stand up for the self-absorbed stars who are so often bullied by the little people.
Sure, Baldwin's tantrum delayed everyone's departure, but in the movie that is Baldwin's life, they're just bit players. Who cares?
And I condemn those who say the behavior reeks of hypocrisy. Sure, he is pro-union, but slurs the working-class flight attendant. And yes, he's a greenie but flies cross-country constantly.
But in celebrity life, hypocrisy doesn't exist because being a phony bleeding heart allows you to be a real life jerk, which is why I'm starting a new charity called "Buy Alec a Drone" or BAAD. Send me your donations and together, we'll buy an unmanned plane operated from a salt flat in Utah to take Alec wherever he wants. That way, no crew must deal with this insufferable jerk and he can play his games alone in the sky like a giant man-baby in an oversized diaper.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: My gosh. Making friends. Wow.
GUTFELD: Dana, I read this story and I wonder are there any good men left?
PERINO: This is the question that I asked in the break, which I'm glad that you thought it was worth noting. You know, it is amazing that Alec wasn't like cuddled up in a Snuggie.
GUTFELD: Yes!
PERINO: And like, hunkered down so he could play his game. I mean, this is why American women cannot find good men to marry.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: They can't find them in first class.
PERINO: I actually was very lucky and met one on a plane.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GUILFOYLE: It was not Alec Baldwin, that's for sure.
PERINO: It is not.
Can you imagine this guy wants to play a video game so badly that he will risk his personal reputation and his chance to be mayor of this fine city?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Now, wait a minute, Dana.
GUTFELD: It sounds like a guy who would leave threatening messages on his daughter's phone.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: No, no, he probably wouldn't do that.
GUILFOYLE: Out of character.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Eric, I want to talk about this tweet that he put out when he was making fun of American Airlines. He said imagine for a second that Baldwin -- wait, OK. Do you have up there?
"Last flight with American. Where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950s find jobs as flight attendants."
Could you imagine if "Catholic" was replaced with "Muslim"?
BOLLING: Oh, that would be bad. He would never say that.
GUTFELD: Easy to make fun of Catholics.
BOLLING: Dana, he would probably be reading the book, probably "An Inconvenient Truth" by Al Gore.
Also, did we notice that --
PERINO: I don't think he reads.
BOLLING: -- Alec Baldwin's tweets came out and if you read those, he was treated horribly by the flight attendants who were rude to him. He was just minding his own business. They were parked at the gate.
And then you hear American Airlines' side of the story --
PERINO: Right. And good for them. It's very rare that a company will go back and they're like, you know, we're not going to be bullied.
BOLLING: He scared the pilots.
GUTFELD: Yes, he scared the pilots.
GUILFOYLE: He's worse than "Snakes on a Plane." He is.
GUTFELD: He is. He's giant snake on a plane.
GUILFOYLE: Giant.
GUTFELD: Bob, you often say that Alec Baldwin would make a great mayor of New York. But how can you have somebody who throws tantrums on public transportation be mayor? That's the last thing we need in New York.
GUILFOYLE: Would you like to take it back, Bob?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: You are lying. I never said that. But you need somebody to defend him.
I always say this about Baldwin. I would -- every plane I've been on, people use their stuff all the down the taxiways, and nobody ever said anything about it. So, I think he's got some point there.
But the way he reacted to it is unbelievably obnoxious, which is what his reputation is. Plus the fact, bathrooms are supposed to be used to go to bathroom and to snort drugs. They are not to be used for --
GUILFOYLE: Mile High Club.
BECKEL: Oh, the Mile High Club, have you been there?
GUILFOYLE: No!
GUTFELD: Let's not go in that direction because I don't want to be talked to by somebody after the show.
Kimberly --
GUILFOYLE: After the show.
GUTFELD: -- how many times has Alec Baldwin hit on you?
GUILFOYLE: Oh, come on. No, I don't he would. He would find me offensive, you know, Catholic school --
BECKEL: Oh, no, he wouldn't.
GUTFELD: I mean, how can this guy that's so talented, he is a talented guy and be such a boob?
GUILFOYLE: Why is he taking on the Catholic school teachers? He's rude. He's not being nice. But I know other people that are talented and act like boobs.
PERINO: He is probably the guy that treats his staff bad, you know, like when you observe somebody being mean, like to their producer or something.
GUTFELD: Yes, his assistant is crying every day.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: I think we need to be careful indicting all celebrities there. You know, there must be thousands of them flying every day. They're not all obnoxious people.
GUTFELD: Absolutely. But they're no fun if you don't generalize.
BECKEL: OK. I don't want to step on your toe. OK. You're right. They're all jerks, they're all like that.
BOLLING: Words with Friends.
GUILFOYLE: What is that?
BOLLING: Don't call it Scrabble. They don't like -- it's like scrabble but they play it on the Internet.
PERINO: So, it's like a thinking man's video game?
GUTFELD: It's Scrabble for swingers.
BOLLING: OK. All right.
GUILFOYLE: OK. Yes, that was a good comment.
GUTFELD: Bob, I want to talk about Michael Moore. He was again on this program called "Piers Morgan" -- I don't know. I think it's about shipping -- anyway for the second time. And Morgan pressed him on his wealth. I believe we have something called a SOT.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PIERS MORGAN, TV HOST: You wouldn't dispute that you have earned millions of dollars?
MICHAEL MOORE, FILMMAKER: That is correct. My first film, I made $3 million. They gave me a check from this company right here. Thank you. Whoever you are. That was in 1989.
I had three or four good years, where -- "Fahrenheit 9/11." My book, "Stupid White Men." And in those years, I would be in the 1 percent.
MORGAN: Right. So, your argument would be that you don't qualify every year.
MOORE: Most years, I don't.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So that was Piers Morgan show. Don't know who that British guy was. But --
PERINO: Michael Moore looks a guy who would not play video games and instead of chose to work out.
Here's the thing about him. He's like, sometimes, I'm in the 1 percent and sometimes I'm not. Well, that is actually a good point. That's why the census comes out of the IRS -- it comes out and it says after the financial crisis of fall of 2008, a lot of people that were in the upper bracket did lost a lot. And now they try to come back.
That is the reason we have a fight against class warfare. If you think those people aren't productive aren't the ones that are creating jobs, you are wrong.
BECKEL: Could I say one thing about -- you said, Michael Moore, about MSNBC. You know, you talk about CNN. MSNBC, you talk about 1 percenters? There it is. And I'm still ticked off about this Mika, what's her name, Brzezinski, the one who's father was nation security adviser and got her a job --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Here comes a new fight, new wars.
BECKEL: No, I'm just saying, she had the gall to say what is "The Five"? Now, I just find that really bothers me coming from MSNBC who nobody knows what it is.
PERINO: It's not "Morning Mika."
BECKEL: Is it "Morning Mika"?
BOLLING: I never heard of the other guy.
GUTFELD: "Morning Joe," I believe it's a medical condition.
BECKEL: Joe Susborough (ph), was that it?
BOLLING: Can I point something out? With Michael Moore's numbers, he must be a great filmmaker because he can't -- if he made 3 million bucks. His net worth has been estimated at $15 million. Even if he is half of that and puts in the worst investments ever --
PERINO: But even if you are rich, you don't feel that way, right?
BOLLING: He would still make more half a million dollars on interest.
BECKEL: There's a lot of 1 percenters are good people.
GUTFELD: Really?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I got to defend Michael Moore. He didn't start out to get rich. This is a guy I don't think ever intended to be rich.
GUILFOYLE: And he's not spending money on clothes.
BECKEL: Yes, but you are, baby.
GUILFOYLE: I'm just saying.
BECKEL: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
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