Dennis Miller on GOP Debate, Wall Street Protests

Funnyman analyzes GOP debate, Wall Street protesters


This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," October 19, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: We have a lot to talk about with the sage of Southern California, who joins us now from Los Angeles. So, Miller, who won the debate last night?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I'm going to make it in horserace parlance, Billy. I'm going to say Obama won. I'm going to say in the two slot we had Romney. I'm going to say in the show position we had Gingrich. I'm going to say my guy Herman finished out of the money. And I'm going to say Rick Perry, you might have to bring out one of those hospital screens and just put him down in the back stretch.

O'REILLY: All right.

MILLER: That was really -- listen, I knew he had did badly, but I had no idea how badly he did until that wizard, Bill Burton, said he won last night. What -- who in the hell was Bill -- how close do you have to get to airtime with a cancellation before you call that number? What a genius.

O'REILLY: Burton is a smart guy, a communications guy.

MILLER: Oh, yes.

O'REILLY: He's entitled to his opinion, Miller. Come on.

MILLER: He's a wizard, Billy. I just hope I can keep up.

O'REILLY: All right. You said Obama...


O'REILLY: ...won the debate. Explain that.

MILLER: We can't do this 12 more times. We're shooting inside the tent, as Roger says. It does no good for Rick Perry to sit there and call Mitt Romney on a gardener, for God's sakes.

And by the way, Rick, if you're watching, let me go to your past gaffe and say if Mitt wasn't hiring illegals, wouldn't that have been heartless on his part? You've got to get it straight here.

Herman, I love you, but the 999 thing has set the hook. Now you've got to bring Art Laffer in and Paul Ryan and really pound the details. You can't start talking about apples and oranges, for God's sakes. Come out and say you want to get rid of the IRS first and then go from there.

But we cannot have everybody up there like nine praying mantises in a Hellmann's jar with three air holes and breaking antennas and spitting tobacco on each other trying to get to the air. This is helping Obama.

O'REILLY: All right. That's an interesting, pithy analysis, Miller.

MILLER: Listen, Billy, it should be like "Survivor." Every week from here on in, those guys should vote one of those guys off. We've got to winnow this down.

O'REILLY: Well, I agree. It's going to be hard to see 12 more debates.

Now, the "Occupy" people, you heard me and Mr. Daly kick that around. I still believe most of the media is sympathetic to them and hostile to the Tea Party. And you say?

MILLER: Well, listen, I wish the president would have been as encouraging to those kids running down the streets of Tehran two years ago as he is with these (EXPLETIVE DELETED) down in Wall Street. I mean, I've got a kid dressed up as Gumby with a Hitler mustache talking about the systematic liquidation of green jobs, and Obama is blowing on that ember. But I've got another kid dodging bullets, talking about death to Ahmadinejad, and we're loathe to pull on that thread because we might upset the applecart.

And I know Daly's another genius. Between him and Burton I don't know who the hell I'd go to in the end of the world. Both of them would protect me. But I would say the president has got his priorities askew here.

O'REILLY: All right. Let's listen to Mr. Obama on the "Occupy Wall Street" deal. Go.


BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: What I've said is, is that I understand the frustrations that are being expressed in those protests. In some ways, they're not that different from some of the protests that we saw coming from the Tea Party. You know, both on the left and the right, I think people feel separated from their government. They feel that their institutions aren't looking out for them.


O'REILLY: And that, of course, begs the question. You've been in office three years, Mr. President. Aren't you part of this problem? Of course, that question wasn't asked. But I would have.

MILLER: Like I said, I wish once in a while he'd give the Tea Party more credit. If you look at that thing down there and you look at the Tea Party, and you see the exact same thing, Billy, it will tell you how vulcanized it is in this country.

O'REILLY: Certainly different in tone. As I said, the big difference is the Tea Party wants to work within the system and the other people want to...

MILLER: Listen, when the Tea Party defecate on a police car, at least they put one of those toilet seat covers down.

O'REILLY: Is that what happened, Miller? I missed it. I've heard it.

MILLER: It did happen. It did happen. Yes, it did.

O'REILLY: All right. Well, you can imagine the blank storm that would have caused if the Tea Party had done it.

MILLER: Where was he with the kids in Tehran? Why didn't he get on their side? That's all I'm saying.

O'REILLY: I don't know. I can't -- I can't read his mind.

All right. Now, Halloween is a big, big holiday for Miller and I. In fact, we're celebrating together in Connecticut. But in Massachusetts, one state away...

MILLER: I'm going out as Bill Burton.

O'REILLY: One state away, there's a principal, Principal Foley, all right, who doesn't want any of these. Anne Foley, principal at Kennedy Elementary School in Summerville, Massachusetts, in Boston. And she says that Columbus Day offensive to Native Americans, all right? Halloween, I guess, Wiccans and witches are offended or somebody. And she didn't want any part of it. She doesn't want any part of it, Miller. And you say?

MILLER: I say she looks like she's married to Gomez Adams. I don't know what the hell is happening there. You know, these apologies with "if." Hey, honey, you don't owe me an apology. Just quit being stupid, for God's sakes. Who would have thought the irony that the academic world is the world that's flat? You know something? You know how many indigenous people you caused to kill themselves yesterday with this stupid PC behavior? When they look up and say not only did we lose our country, we lost it to a moron like that. Come on.

O'REILLY: But it gets -- it gets even worse because the kids are smarter than the principal. Roll the tape.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think that it's kind of ridiculous because we should celebrate what we want to celebrate.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We shouldn't be told what we shouldn't by other people.


O'REILLY: So I want to make that kid the principal and put Ms. Foley back in second grade.

MILLER: Yes. You know what that kid is? He is in "The Breakfast Club" Saturday morning now, trust me. He is going to detention for the rest of his known life.

O'REILLY: I heard he's being recruited for the "Occupy Wall Street" people, that he's going to be...

MILLER: He's got to get a press agent. I can think of nobody better than that Billy Burton guy. God, just to be on the same show as him, Billy.

O'REILLY: Will you give Burton a break, Miller? Come on. He's nice enough to come on here and you're going as -- Halloween, you're going as Burton? Hi, I'm Bill Burton. What kind of candy do you think you're going to get for that routine, Miller?

MILLER: Just to be -- just to be that close to genius, to touch that cloak. I'm blessed, Billy. Thanks for the booking.

O'REILLY: Now I'm going to have to get Burton on tomorrow to rip you up.

MILLER: Listen, the fans will love it. That's why they're turning into "The Factor," for Bill Burton.

O'REILLY: What are you doing to me, Miller? I'm not going to be able to -- I won't even be able to book Scott Baio when I get through with you. Who's going to come on the program?

MILLER: Baio -- Baio makes a thousand times more sense. That cat was the deputy press secretary? I haven't seen a deputy that inept since Barney Fife, for God's sake.

O'REILLY: I knew it. I knew it. Barney Fife. All right, Miller, get out of here. You just ruined the whole program.

MILLER: I'm sorry, Billy. He's the best I've ever seen.

O'REILLY: And a quick reminder. Miller and I will see you for the "Bolder Fresher" show at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut October 29, and I'll also be signing books before we both get arrested because that's what's going to happen up there.

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