This is a rush transcript from "The Five," August 18, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: We start our 2012 roundup today. On a lighter note, for those of you who haven't seen this, check out this -- Blue Water Comics is planning to release comic book bios of Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney and get this, the Tea Party.
Now, I could not think of three better comic relief things to do than those three people. The woman who thought that the Revolutionary War began in New Hampshire, the guy who is the Brylcreem salesman. And, of course, you know --
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Bob, you got to stop with the Brylcreem joke. It's now the seventh day in a row. Seriously.
BECKEL: OK. I take it back. It's mousse.
(LAUGHTER)
GUTFELD: It's mousse.
BECKEL: I'll change it to mousse.
GUTFELD: Remember, Obama had a comic book.
MONICA CROWLEY, CO-HOST: Yes, he did.
GUTFELD: You know that, right?
BECKEL: Yes.
CROWLEY: And, by the way, the renderings there are awesome. Michele Bachmann looks like Wonder Woman, feel the force. Mitt Romney looks like Superman, although the Dick Armey rendition --
GUTFELD: I got to tell you, you got to be kind of strange to buy these. I mean, buying a political comic book. You got to be a little weird.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Maybe they're giving them away.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I have a 13-year-old. I think this is fantastic.
GUTFELD: Really?
BOLLING: I think this is a great way to teach him a little bit more about politics. He watches. He kind of catches on. By the way -- this is a --
BECKEL: Is this far right wing stuff?
BOLLING: No!
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: I just was going to say, you know, who is going to be really upset that they're being ignored once again by -- is Ron Paul. Really, Really wanted a comic book.
BECKEL: Let's talk about Bachmann for a second, one of these people. You know, Michele Bachmann has a new record, which is more scuffles between her security people and the press than -- I've covered dozens of presidential candidates. I've never seen anything like it.
I don't understand why -- Greg, why do you think that is?
GUTFELD: I think political reporters these days are whiners, especially the bloggers. And so, I watch a couple of the tapes and it's like "please, don't touch me. Don't touch me." Someone would go like that, they freak out. It's lighten up. I don't see any acts of violence.
BECKEL: Presidential candidates, these guys, first of all, they are thugs. But leaving that aside --
BOLLING: She is very petite.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: You don't know who that person is.
By the way, a lot of these people get death threats, especially the women are dealing with a lot of creeps. And you see the stuff that's written about Palin, about Bachmann. There's a lot of creeps out there. They got to be careful if there is a strange dude.
And I've been on campuses when Coulter has been speaking and there are some creepy, creepy dudes. And you've got to intimidate the hell out of them.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: A lot of times, you get creepy dudes for creepy speakers.
CROWLEY: She is a woman and it's a different environment around a woman. She's petite. She's tiny. It doesn't mean that her bodyguards have to manhandle people, but it means that they need to be a little bit more aggressive.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: We have a lot of Republicans to get through here regrettably.
Romney says -- Dana, Romney -- Mitt Romney says he is in sync with the Tea Party. The Tea Party people don't necessarily agree with that. Why do you think that is?
PERINO: I think the problem for the right is that the Tea Party doesn't have a person. All right, it is a movement. So, you don't know who it is.
Listen to what he said in New Hampshire.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you a member of the Tea Party?
MITT ROMNEY, R-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I don't know that you sign a membership, but I consider myself as somebody who is in sync with the view of the Tea Party that the government is too big. The Tea Party view is the government is too big and it's spending too much. More than it takes in. And I agree.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Good answer. As political consultant, don't you think it's good answer.
BECKEL: That wasn't bad for a guy that 50 memberships in country clubs and big yacht. I mean, it's fun. The Tea Party relates to that. I assume very well. But listen, I don't know --
BOLLING: There is no way the Tea Party says Mitt Romney represents the Tea Party. Well, not speaking for them but I say they would have to say in who is going to be represented or representative of the Tea Party.
Look, mandated health care is nothing -- that is strike one. Strike two, at one point pro-choice. Not sure where he is now. And strike three, he was -- he was pro-global warming. This guy's got three Tea Party strikes.
BECKEL: I couldn't agree with you more. I'm going to ask Monica a question here.
There was a great political analyst that was out Gene Simmons who came out and said a brilliant statement, that Perry getting in the race helped Mitt Romney. Now, what do you think about Gene's political --
CROWLEY: Well, Gene also went to point out that he hasn't been wrong in the last couple of election cycles, that he has voted from every winning candidate from Clinton to Obama.
BECKEL: He endorsed Romney.
CROWLEY: No, he's coming out for Rick Perry.
But on the broader question of Perry's entry into this race and what it does for the frontrunner of Mitt Romney, I actually think competition is a great thing. I love as many people in a primary as possible, because it makes all of the candidates better.
And I've seen Mitt Romney in the last few days and he is getting more aggressive. He is getting more passionate. And that's what's going to win the race.
GUTFELD: You know what it is -- it's an interesting thing. It's like when a guy is at a restaurant and the waiter starts hitting on his date, all of a sudden, a guy shows more interest in his date. And that's what happened --
PERINO: Does that ever happen?
GUTFELD: Yes. And that's what happened when Perry entered the race. Romney is paying more attention.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: Gene Simmons probably did this on acid --
GUTFELD: What Gene Simmons said, he didn't say that. Gene Simmons was saying that he predicted all the -- he voted for all the winners and he's saying that Perry will win. Basically, he just doesn't have a crystal ball. It's a crystal tongue.
BECKEL: Crystal meth is what he's got. Let me say one thing here on the way out.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: There's the tweet.
BECKEL: I'm sorry. Go ahead. What does it say?
PERINO: He said, "I voted for President Bush. I voted for President Clinton. I voted for President Obama. The next president will be Governor Rick Perry. Governor Perry worked for Al Gore and then switched Republican. He will be our next president. I've never been wrong."
He and I have something in common, we've never been wrong.
(LAUGHTER)
BECKEL: Can I please -- one thing I'm going to say nice about. There was an ad run by a Paul supporter attacking Perry, saying if you had been out with Perry or whatever, if you dated him, please come forward. Here's the ad.
I'll tell you, there are certain things off bounds in presidential politics. I've been through a lot of them.
BOLLING: Have you had sex with Rick Perry?
BECKEL: Have you had sex with Rick Perry? This is disgraceful.
And, Mr. Paul, I know you are an honorable man. I would get to your supporters to take this stuff and put it where the sun don't shine, brother.
BOLLING: This falls to Dana's point, a cry for attention in the Paul group, right?
PERINO: It's just crass and gross.
CROWLEY: But it helps Rick Perry.
GUTFELD: I already apologize for doing it. Can we stop talking about it?
BECKEL: You know, Huntsman and Paul are complaining they don't get any press? I mean, first, one of them is nuts and the other one, his sales plummet when he talks. What are you going to do?
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