This is a rush transcript from "The Five," August 5, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Welcome back to "The Five." So PETA is going ape over apes. Yep, the stupid animal rights group gave its seal of approval, which I hope wasn't made from real seals, to the flick "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." Why? Well no real beasts were used. All the simians were simulated. But most important, apes were the heroes and humans the villains.
That point leads Sean O'Neill of the Onion AV Club to wonder, quote, "You guys at PETA do realize that, in this scenario, the super intelligent pissed off apes would rip your face off, right? Does their moral victory outweigh the reality of your face being eaten?" Amen.
PETA operates on the assumption that, somehow, they might be spared by savages simply because of their misguided enlightenment, which is the same mentality found in people that appease terrorists. Maybe they'll like us more if we pat their heads -- until your hand comes back as a stump.
And really the philosophy of PETA isn't that pets are good but that humans aren't. If they had their way, "Jaws" would have ended with a shark teaching yoga to underprivileged kids, right before eating them. Hell, even a fish has got to eat. Kimberly, isn't PETA just a bunch of publicity hounds?
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Oh, you mean the ads they do with lettuce cups that Pam Anderson wears?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: That's good.
GUILFOYLE: I knew it. PETA supporter. Exactly my point.
BECKEL: I am a PETA supporter.
GUTFELD: You would get in animal rights, Bob, just to pick up women. Wouldn't you?
BECKEL: No, it's not that. I think they do a lot of good things. A friend of mine had a monkey, and you know, I tell you this, you are right about the apes thing. This monkey was the worst animal you could have. He threw stuff around and ripped stuff up and then it got into the guy's -- into his dope. I'm not kidding you. This monkey went nuts.
GUILFOYLE: What is he doing? What is wrong with you?
GUTFELD: He's talking about a monkey who got into his friend's dope.
BECKEL: They're making a point about ripping the face off. I was going to make a serious point.
GUILFOYLE: No wonder.
GUTFELD: what are we talking about?
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: That explains a lot.
GUTFELD: Dana, is it a good thing that there aren't real animals in movies anymore, that it's computer generated?
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I'm for that. I don't mind. I don't care. What really bothers me about this movie is the title. "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." I mean -- what has happened to Hollywood that they can't they come up with a better name than that?
GUTFELD: That is true.
GUILFOYLE: And by the way, it's kind of giving apes a bad name -- all of them. This movie is supposed to be very violent. I mean -- it's getting good reviews, but I'm kind of scared that --
TANTAROS: It sounds like Hollywood gotten into Bob's friend's dope.
GUILFOYLE: Exactly. Rip your face off.
BECKEL: On a serious note on this thing, Hollywood has a long and tragic history of mistreating animals in films.
BECKEL: There's a lot of animals that have died as a result of it. They put them in terrible working conditions. Not just the PETA people but a lot of human rights - excuse me, not human rights -- Humane Society people have gone and complained about this. And there is a good reason for that. I'm glad they have computer generated apes.
GUILFOYLE: There are no real apes in here.
BECKEL: I know. I'm saying that that is a good thing.
GUTFELD: The thing is -- animal rights activists, Andrea, they put animals before people, and that justifies them breaking in medical labs and letting mice go free and destroying years of research.
TANTAROS: They do. They think somehow animals are superior to human beings. It's crazy. But Bob, to your point about Hollywood's been mistreating animals, they have been mistreating conservatives for years, too.
BECKEL: It's six of one, half dozen of another. They haven't mistreated conservatives. What are you talking about?
TANTAROS: Oh yeah. OK.
BECKEL: PETA is not a big fan of mine. I was giving a speech one night and I had -- my cowboys boots were made from an endangered species, and they came in and poured red paint on my boots.
TANTAROS: For me, it's less about PETA. Let them believe what they want to believe. It's the hypocrisy of the Hollywood crowd that wears the furs but does the ads, the same ones that ride on jets but talk about saving the environment. I mean, it's the same thing. They've been --
GUILFOYLE: Hypocritical Hollywood?
BECKEL: They're not hypocritical.
GUILFOYLE: Could we get a Fox News alert for that?
GUILFOYLE: What about the movie "Cowboys and Aliens"? Did they use animals in that movie?
BECKEL: Cowboys and Indians?
BECKEL: Oh, aliens. I'm sorry.
TANTAROS: Are you sure you didn't get in your friend's dope and not the monkey?
Are you OK?
BECKEL: No, I did, but that was a long time ago. I've been clean. By the way, 11 years, eight months and 13 days.
GUTFELD: All right. We have to move on.
BECKEL: Thank you.
Content and Programming Copyright 2011 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2011 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.