HANNITY

Larry the Cable Guy Talks 'Cars 2'

Comedian on role in Disney sequel 'Cars 2'

 

This is a rush transcript from "Hannity," June 15, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

SEAN HANNITY, HOST: Back with us tonight is one of the stars of "Cars 2," he's one of the funniest men in America. A good friend of ours, the one and only, Larry the Cable Guy -- get 'er done!

LARRY THE CABLE GUY, "CARS 2": Get 'er done! Mater, average intelligence.

HANNITY: How did you land this gig? What a great gig!

LARRY: It's unbelievable. Isn't it crazy? You know what? When I go the first one I was sitting at the house got a fax. We want you to be the voice of our small town tow truck in a new Disney film, new Pixar film.

I'm like that's awesome. It turns out Mater's like this big thing. Now we've done a second one. I hope we do a third one. It's just awesome.

HANNITY: I hope you do a fourth one.

LARRY: I'm very thankful for it.

I got tell you -- you hope we do a fourth one? I do too. It's -- I just wish I would have worked myself into a toy deal. Believe me if I would had a little bit of money off them toys, I wouldn't be doing "Hannity."

HANNITY: Wow, that hurts, dude. Thanks a lot!

LARRY: I have to say this, I got a little tipsy last night. I had a little too much to drink and I had to take a cab back to my hotel and I got to tell you, Sean, that's the first time I've ever driven a cab. I picked some people up, made some money on the way back, it was nice.

HANNITY: Good time in New York. What happened to you in Oregon, you had this problem with this girl?

LARRY: No! It was in the news! That's not how I told you to set me up with that! Now my wife's going to go, what happened in Oregon?!

There was this woman in Oregon, I don't know if you read it, it is in the news.

HANNITY: Which one? There's a lot of girls in Oregon.

LARRY: I figured since you were doing a news program you would probably know about the news.

She had an operation. Now she talks in nothing but a British accent. It's a strange phenomena. That is true. I had to contact somebody doing the story, because I had the similar deal.

I had a vasectomy two years ago, and for two months after, I sang nothing but Air Supply tunes. Seriously, it was crazy. It was unbelievable. But I must say this, I do not like going to a doctor a lot anyway.

HANNITY: Me neither.

LARRY: I saw a sign one time that said hemorrhoids awareness week at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.

HANNITY: You don't need that.

You following this Weinergate thing?

LARRY: What now?

HANNITY: Weinergate thing.

LARRY: I try to go the other way. Let me tell you something. People go wow, a guy named Weiner showing his wiener. Ain't that something? I'm just glad his name wasn't anus. That's what I'm glad about. That wouldn't be good at all, but you know --

HANNITY: No, that wouldn't be good at all. Keeps you in business, thought.

LARRY: I've had it up to here with Weiner.

That didn't come off good.

HANNIYT: No, it didn't.

LARRY: Let's move on to something. I'm very uncomfortable with the Weiner topic.

HANNITY: Are you following the presidential GOP primary thing?

LARRY: Yes I'm very schooled up on all this stuff. I got to tell you something about Mitt Romney.

HANNITY: You're voting for Mitt?

LARRY: No, I'm not voting for Mitt.

HANNITY: I'm asking?

LARRY: Not now, he's a big global warming guy. What the hell happened? I think he's been holding his hair under the hair dryer too long. You know what I mean? Made his head warmer or something.

HANNITY: Maybe he's thinking it is real.

LARRY: His skin is all chipped. No wonder he has the name Mitt, he looks like a catcher's mitt.

HANNITY: What do I look like, I got similar hair.

LARRY: I got to tell you something, I could throw a brick at you and it would bounce right off. That's some hair right there.

HANNITY: Yes. You one of the things, I heard you talking in the green room --

LARRY: I'm sure Mitt is a nice guy. I'm saying, come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?

HANNITY: They were driving smart cars.

LARRY: Smart cars, let me tell you something about it. What a piece of garbage this smart car is. There's a commercial -- the smart car has zero percent interest for six years. Well, good, I got zero percent in six years in buying this smart car. I'll tell you that much. I mean, it's ridiculous.

My buddy has a smart car, totaled it. He hit a deer tick.

Let me just say this, being an A-list celebrity, you get to do a lot of fun things. And they always want you to test drive cars because they know you drive it people want to buy it. They're trying to get all these cares that run on alternative fuels, which is fine. I wouldn't mind finding alternative fuel.

They let me test drive -- you can Google this, this is true -- they had me test drive a car that runs on human waste. I drove it for three days, went to the Taco Bell drive-thru and flooded the engine on. It's embarrassing when your buddy has to come down and give you a jump fart just to get out of the drive-through.

HANNITY: It's better than your grandma's sloppy Joes.

LARRY: I'm not even going there.

HANNITY: You do have access to a lot of things. You got this role in this huge movie. Would you do TV commercials?

LARRY: You know I would if there was a good one coming on, but they got you some strange commercials. I don't think I want to be part of the commercial world. Have you seen this commercial at 3:00 in the morning? I hate doing two topics at the same time but this is really true. 3:00 in the morning they are selling a thing called the better marriage blanket.

HANNITY: I never saw it. I'm up a lot at three.

LARRY: I'm not making this up. It is $100. It is a blanket with two extra sheets of cotton to absorb your farts while you are sleeping at night. I'm not kidding, I bought two of them, one for the bed and one to be made into a pair of pants.

Can you imagine that? Right on the commercial, great for an anniversary gift. Can you imagine coming home and your wife honey I got you a great anniversary gift. Oh sweetie, it's a fart blanket, I love you so much.

HANNITY: Your family is OK?

LARRY: Yes, they're good.

HANNITY: The kids are OK?

LARRY: Oh my God, went for almost $300 each on eBay, unbelievable.

HANNITY: You sold them?

LARRY: Of course I sold them.

HANNITY: On eBay?

LARRY: No, look. My little girl is three going on four. My little boy is four going on Ritalin. They're really good kids. I love them to death, I would show you a picture, but --

HANNITY: One is named Reagan.

LARRY: Sure is. One of my little girls is named Reagan. Her first words were Mr. Larry, tear down this crib. That was her first words, it was very sweet. My first words were, are you going to finish that sandwich?

HANNITY: Larry, we're going to be watching it. My kids love the movie.

LARRY: Sean, "Cars 2," this ones blows away the first one.

HANNITY: I'm going to go, I promise.

LARRY: It is unbelievable. It really blows away the first movie. I'm so happy to be part of it. I hope people enjoy it, "Cars 2", Pixar --

HANNITY: And you are on the road until June 30th. Are you going to throw us out tonight?

LARRY: Sean, why do you have to do a football? This is what I don't get.

HANNITY: Because I like football.

LARRY: I know, but it's like --

HANNITY: Wait don't throw yet. That's all the time we have left. Greta is next, thanks for being with us. See you tomorrow night, Larry throws us out. Good luck.

LARRY: If I do it it bounces right off you and hits me and breaks my nose.

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