Dennis Miller on Radical Islam Hearings, Obama's Gitmo Reversal and Charlie Sheen

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," March 9, 2011. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Let's get right to the sage of Southern California, who joins us now from Los Angeles. So, Miller, if you were a congressman asking questions at the hearings tomorrow, the jihad hearings, where would you take it?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, first off, I'd take it to Gitmo and hold it there. But that being said, if I was doing it tomorrow, I would talk to my Islamic brethren in the United States and I'd say, "We're all bored by hearings. We're not going to watch the hearings. But much like the kids in the room hearing Charlie Brown's parents outside, we're going to hear your reaction to participating in these problem-solving hearings. We're going to hear a lot of whining, a lot of fraba jaba. And this is a Pyrrhic victory if you take some stand on not appearing at these hearings because we're going to note that and that's your right. But we're also going to be thinking: Why aren't they going along to get along here? Why aren't they realizing that to become part of the reindeer games they cannot be complete Faberge eggs."

And if Peter King calls them, and we've got a kerfuffle with radical Islam that they might come in and say, "We're right with you. We're getting sick of these people representing us. We're taking it back, and our first step is showing up here today and nodding in agreement, Representative King. This has got to stop."

O'REILLY: All right. Well, we have Congressman Ellison, who is a Muslim. He's going to lead off the hearings tomorrow. At the top of the program, the professor and I agreed that the hearings could be worthy, and he put it "a teaching moment." So I think sane people want to know. And you know what I want to know, what Morris said. This Frank Gaffney, he believes that 75 percent of American mosques right now are preaching Sharia Law and are condoning the jihad. That's what Gaffney believes. I want to see what the evidence is to back that up.

MILLER: All right, in the interim though -- but I will tell you it's not going to be a Salem witch hunt if the leading guy against the hearings is the first guy out of the box. I just hope it doesn't turn into some overly conciliatory suck fest where we end up bowing out of the room. And we're sorry, we are trying to gather info.

O'REILLY: Right.

MILLER: The game is afoot, Watson. Come on, get in, cooperate. Tell us what your thoughts are.

O'REILLY: You've got to figure that some of these -- I don't think King is going to go into the tank. I mean, he's a pretty tough guy.

MILLER: He is a tough guy.

O'REILLY: You've got one guy out there who's going to go to Ellison and say, "Hey, listen, here's what the FBI says. Why don't you answer that?" But we'll see what's going on.

Now, the Obama reversal on Guantanamo Bay. A lot of implications for the American left, for the attorney general and for Dennis Miller. Go.

MILLER: When I heard you maybe saying that Holder should step down, Billy, when you define the perimeter line of the bottom of the barrel, as Holder does, it's not that easy to step down. Holder is in more over his head than a gay dwarf hitting on Shaq at this point. And he's not going anywhere. I think he was a political favor.

Listen, I think it got ugly coming out of the South Carolina primary between Clinton and Obama because they hinted the race card on Clinton, and he hated that. In a make-good gesture, since Holder was the front man on the Marc Rich pardon, which looks really ugly, they've got to keep him on the reservation. They're going to keep him quiet. I think he goes to Obama and says, "Do me a favor. Give Holder a job." It's like that nephew getting hired in "Casino." He doesn't know how to run the floor, but you can't fire him because his dad is on the licensing committee. So I think they take Holder on. He's not going to get whacked. He knows where too many bodies are buried. Now, he might fall on his own sword if they present him with evidence saying, "Listen, if you don't do this, this is what happens to you." But Holder is going nowhere, for God's sakes. Holder, ironically, is the first attorney general in the history of the United States of America that might not make the cut at a public defender's office, for God's sakes. He's not going anywhere unless they force it on him. They'll force him out subtly.

O'REILLY: Yes, but it will be -- it will be very interesting next time he has a press conference or interview for the interviewer to say, "Hey, Guantanamo Bay, what do you think about that?" Because he can't have an answer.

MILLER: He thinks exactly what Barack Obama tells him to think on any given day about that.

O'REILLY: But the president hasn't explained it, hasn't explained his reversal. He hasn't said a word about it.

MILLER: He doesn't have to. But Holder at some point might have to answer.

O'REILLY: Right.

MILLER: And he's not going to answer because as far as lackeys go, he makes Dracula's guy Renfield look like his own man.

O'REILLY: That was the guy that ate the bugs, right, Renfield?

MILLER: You aren't kidding.

O'REILLY: OK. Charlie Sheen, you know, we hate to keep picking on the guy, but, you know, he is exploiting the media for whatever purpose. Here's the latest. Go.


CHARLIE SHEEN, ACTOR: Now that I have your lazy (EXPLETIVE DELETED) attention, world, sit back and rejoice. For the Malibu messiah, the condor of Calabasas, the (EXPLETIVE DELETED) warlock of your jealous face sits before you, undigested hummus trading real estate for this fire dance.


O'REILLY: The condor of Calabasas? Isn't that a town south of where you are?

MILLER: I'm near it. Billy, can I tell you I've been watching this. I find the man uproariously funny. If he's got a drug problem, he's got to work that out. You know, you can't handcuff Icarus. You could not tell Mandalay to back away from the horns. If this guy is at that time in his life where he has to confront his own demon, fine. But this stuff is absolutely freaking hysterical to me. I think he's an absurdist supreme. I don't think I've seen a farceur like this since George Feydeau at the turn of the century with his plays. And I think Sheen, I will watch him again tonight if he's on because I find him so funny. To burn Les Moonves like that and say, "Sizzle, losing, bye." Who's saying that?

O'REILLY: I don't know.

MILLER: He's completely off the grid.

O'REILLY: George who at the turn of the century? George who?

MILLER: George Feydeau. He was...

O'REILLY: Oh, of course.

MILLER: Jason Alexander's character on "Seinfeld." George.

O'REILLY: Dennis Miller, everybody. There he is, and you're getting this free. You should pay for Miller.

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