Dennis Miller Fired Up About Ground Zero Mosque

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," August 17, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Our pal Dennis has been ruminating about the mosque controversy on his fine radio program. He's also been thinking about President Obama's overall performance 20 months after he took office.

Here now from Los Angeles, the sage of Southern California, Mr. Miller. Before we get to the mosque deal, Blagojevich was convicted on one count today: lying to the FBI. It does carry prison time in the federal system. Interesting. And then later on this month, they'll decide whether to retry him because the jury was hung on the other counts. So, it looks like Blago is going to the big pen.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, that surprises me, Billy. That must have just came down because I know he paid me to fix that jury, and that surprises me a little.

O'REILLY: So you didn't -- did you give it your all though, Miller?

MILLER: I thought I had that wired, but I will tell him this. It's probably a little more ethical inside the big house than it is the Illinois House of Representatives.

O'REILLY: Yes, that's right. Not a lot of difference. It's just basically a -- I think there's more exercise in the penitentiary, you know.

MILLER: Yes, there is. And if he wants to get out early, just tell them he wants to get out and help build the mosque.

O'REILLY: There you go. All right. So what do you think about this New York mosque thing?

MILLER: Well, listen, I think it tells me a lot about Islam. And I don't want to do that silly thing where what does it tell you, we're all terrorists? No. I need to have an adult talk with my Islamic brethren. It tells me that a lot of the Islamic faith are not terrorists, but they like to wind you up a little. And they're a little whiney when they get called out, and they like to have it both ways.

And I would tell you this, folks in the Muslim world: If you want to outreach to us, don't build this thing. That will send every message you need to do. Hire your best spokesperson, your Barack Obama, or maybe that is Barack Obama, have him step up there and say, "Of course, we're not going to build this. That would be boorish, oafish. That would be insensitive. That would be, dare I say, ham-handed."

You do that, you've got a love affair with the American people the next day. As a matter of fact, I will change the ring tone on my cell phone to (SHOUTING) tomorrow morning.

O'REILLY: And that's the call to prayer, I believe, you were trying to get across. Now...

MILLER: I can't do it anymore, Billy. I've lost my ability, and my Cagney sucks now, too.

O'REILLY: Not many people know this, but Miller worked for two years in Istanbul just doing that call. And you know...

MILLER: (SHOUTING)

O'REILLY: I think that was right after "Monday Night Football" you took that gig.

MILLER: Believe me, Billy. I was facing more active fire in the "Monday Night Football" booth.

O'REILLY: Right, you were doing the call of prayer in Istanbul. OK. Now, two things on this mosque thing. First of all, the far left, you know, listening to you, you're an anti-Muslim bigot. You know, if you're opposed...

MILLER: I'm so sick of that card.

O'REILLY: Aren't you?

MILLER: I'm so sick of that card. All I want is I want -- there's 1.6 billion Muslims in the world. Let's take the one percent thing and say that it's 16 million of them are whackjobs. I want the rest of them to declare jihad on their own whackjobs.

O'REILLY: On them. Right.

MILLER: Terrorize your own terrorists. Get on our side. Give us a sign over here, because you're freaking us out a little.

O'REILLY: Now what about the people who say, look, you build this thing and the 16 million that you just pointed out are going to declare victory. "You see, we have our little mosque there and this is a victory for us" and all of that?

MILLER: Billy, these people declare victory every morning they wake up. They think we're Satan. We're the Great Satan. I'm not exactly swooning for the 16 million. All I know is we can't infiltrate them, because we end up looking like Edgar Winter sitting in with the Wu Tang Clan. We need somebody inside to clean the house. It's like the Yankee clubhouse. What happens here should stay here. They've got to take care of business.

O'REILLY: OK. President Obama 20 months after he took office, your assessment?

MILLER: Well, listen, he had his Gulf gaffe this week, but I know -- or, his mosque gaffe. But I noticed he mopped up that spill a little quicker than the one he did the one in the Gulf. You know, Axelrod is grabbing him, like, "What are you doing? What, are you crazy? Go out there and patch this up tomorrow."

Now, his first 20 months in, I think he thinks he's a healer. I think he's a wart healer. He reminds me of Tammany Hall, man. It's that classic old stuff, and he travels too much. He speaks a little too much. Less hope and change; more hope and Crosby. He's on the road nonstop giving these speeches. And I hope he notices when people hit the floor in these speeches now, they're no longer fainting. They're nodding off, pal. You've got to zip it. You need to go a little Garbo for a while. Have a little mystery to you.

And quit pursuing this European model. At least when Clinton talked about European models, he was actually referring to European models. This guy is going to start digging America for what it is and not how he sees it in his mind's eye.

O'REILLY: All right. And finally, Newsweek magazine lists the best places, best countries in which to live. USA No. 11. Finland, Switzerland, Sweden, Australia, Luxembourg, Norway, Canada, the Netherlands, Japan and Denmark are better places in which to live, according to Newsweek, then the USA. And you say?

MILLER: Now, the top three: Finland, Switzerland and Sweden. At this point, Newsweek can go fjord themselves, OK? You know what the best thing about living in Finland is? There's no Newsweek magazine there. For God's sakes, Evan Meacham (sic) has gone from writing great history books to turning a great magazine into history. It's crap stories like this that have Newsweek with circulation figures that are worse than a junky in a thong at the top of Annapurna for God's sakes. Wake up over there. Luxembourg at No. 5? Are you kidding me? Luxembourg applies doilies to the furniture that we move. These are all little tiny towns that you put under the Christmas tree. We're the big honking train that comes through and makes it interesting.

O'REILLY: Miller, one of the best lines ever. The best thing about living in Finland is there's no Newsweek magazine.

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