Liberal Translation of Obama's Agenda

Tonight the news from across Hannity's America...

It's a Secret

Keeping with the spirit of transparency promised by our president-elect, Department of Labor nominee California Congresswoman Hilda Solis really tackled the tough questions in her Senate confirmation hearing on Friday.

Now if there was one question she should have come prepared for, well, that would be her views on card check legislation, especially in light of the fact that Solis has flip-flopped on that issue in the past.

Take a look at transparency in action. Solis style:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HILDA SOLIS, CALIFORNIA CONGRESSWOMAN: These are very unique circumstances that we're undertaking today, and my position as nominee for President-elect Obama to serve as secretary of labor doesn't, in my opinion, afford me the ability to provide you with an opinion at this time.

That is something that I would like to discuss with you further, but something that I'm not prepared to make a statement about at this time.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

And of course there's the hypocrisy of Solis wanting to go behind closed doors to address the issue of preserving a secret vote for labor unions. Now it would be ridiculous if it weren't so predictable.

Liberal Translation

And in a segment called Liberal Translation — now you're going to hear liberals speak, but we'll tell you what they really mean.

For example, much like his Cabinet nominees, Mr. Obama is not a model of clarity. Now when hitting the talk show circuit this weekend, he seemed to have doubts about his ability to fulfill some of his campaign promises, specifically regarding the closure of Guantanamo Bay.

Now here's what he said, and what we think he really meant:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT-ELECT: It is more difficult than I think a lot of people realize. And we are going to get it done.

(PAUSE)

LIBERAL TRANSLATION: Hmm… This is going to be harder than I thought…

(RESUME TAPE)

OBAMA: But part of the challenge that you have is that you've got a bunch of folks who have been detained, many of whom may be very dangerous, who have not been put on trial or have not gone through some adjudication, and some of the evidence against them may be tainted, even though it's true.

(PAUSE)

LIBERAL TRANSLATION: When I said I wanted to shut it down, I never thought about where we were going to put so many dangerous terrorists instead…

(RESUME TAPE)

OBAMA: And so how do we — how to balance creating a process that adheres to rule of law, habeas corpus, basic principles of Anglo American legal system…

(PAUSE)

LIBERAL TRANSLATION: I don't want to make the wrong decision and risk ending the world's love affair with me…

(RESUME TAPE)

OBAMA: …by doing it in a way that doesn't result in releasing people who are intent on blowing us up.

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS, ABC NEWS: So not necessarily first 100 days.

OBAMA: That is a challenge. I think it's going to take some time…

(PAUSE)

LIBERAL TRANSLATION: Maybe I should've thought this out a little more before making empty promises on the campaign trail…

(END VIDEO CLIP)

Yes, believe it or not, governing the whole nation may be harder than just appealing to Team Obama Can Do No Wrong.

Crooked Mayor

And in today's Underreported Liberal Scandal News, Baltimore's Democratic mayor — Sheila Dixon — was indicted Friday on charges that she accepted illegal gifts. Now that includes fur coats, high-end skin care products, gift cards intended for poor children, and she used those gifts to buy herself, let's see, XBox, a Playstation 2 and a camcorder — you know, all mayoral necessities.

Dixon responded to the indictment by saying, "I will not let these charges detour me from keeping Baltimore on the path that we have set."

So what path would that be, Mayor? The path to perpetual fun if you're a 14-year-old boy?

The Meltdown

Hannity’s America is also your home for news about global warming hysteria, and tonight, though, we thought we'd bring in news of a different phenomenon: Another ice age is coming.

The newspaper Pravda reports that according to the latest scientific evidence the earth will return to ice age conditions for the next 100,000 years.

Now the vanquished Vice President Al Gore insists the earth has a fever and that fever is rising, so this is actually good news for Al Gore. Once this arctic chill brings down that burning fever that means he can use his pollution-producing private jet and his gas-guzzling limo and his 100-foot houseboat, he can do with a clear conscience.

Salon Makeover

The Chicago Sun-Times reports the latest extreme makeover, this one at a salon in this windy city. Business at Ossama's Hair Salon plummeted after 9/11, as customers starting seeking haircuts elsewhere, but Ossama's has reemerged and business is booming after rebranding itself Obama's Hair Design.

Why the name change? The owner said the name makes a lot of sense to him especially because "Obama is going to get Osama."

Here's hoping the hair salon is a better promise keeper than its namesake.