This is a rush transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," October 8, 2008. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: Our pal Dennis is here in New York City causing mass pandemonium, and here he is.
I think they close the Lincoln Tunnel or something when they hear you're in town.
DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: They thought I was Godzilla. Billy, good to see you. Haven't seen you in a while, my friend.
O'REILLY: All right. Now, the economy is what everybody is talking about.
MILLER: Yes, well, listen it's very shaky. I just saw Paulson announced he was giving a billion dollars to Kevin Federline. Now, that can't be good for the economy.
O'REILLY: Doesn't Britney Spears now — that was the bailout. The Britney Spears bailout.
MILLER: The AIG guys got another $38 billion today. They went on retreat last week. Did you see that? It's madness.
O'REILLY: Now, the St. Regis Resort and Spa.
MILLER: Unbelievable.
O'REILLY: So you get $89 billion of our dollars — our dollars. And then you say, "Hey, you know, thanks a lot. Let's go to the spa."
MILLER: I know. I hope they can get a conscience rubdown there because those guys…
O'REILLY: They're not going to get it. You and I are going to have to go to the guy's house, Miller.
MILLER: Halloween is coming up. We can use that to get under the radar.
O'REILLY: That's right. Halloween is coming up. We go to the AIG CEO's house, and we get a bill…
MILLER: We'll go out as Bill O'Reilly and "Canta Clause."
O'REILLY: Thanks. But you know, we're laughing about it but, you know, the folks want these guys at the end of a rope. And then we have McCain and Obama…
MILLER: What's jumping Johnny? I don't get it. He should have turned into Al Pacino, quite frankly, in "And Justice for All." You know, this whole place is out of order. He's got to start — listen, I know they have painted him into this weird jail, ironically enough, where he thinks if he gets cantankerous he screws the pooch. But that's what they want. They need somebody to uncap this.
The chasm between John, how he is now and how he should be, is so vast that it looks like an awkward straddle. Barack has been cool for the last two years. So when he comes in last night, and he's cool about it, I go, that's his demeanor. But John has got to be a firebrand here. He cannot be saddled by a guy like Tom Brokaw.
You know, Brokaw, when did he turn into such a format pimp? I have not seen anybody explain the directions that precisely since Bob Barker was explaining Plinko to a crackhead. What was going on there? I mean, come off the page. Somebody say something.
O'REILLY: Somebody get a little bit upset.
MILLER: Yes.
O'REILLY: You know? I mean, it looked like — did you ever see that movie "Night of the Living Dead"? That was the "Debate of the Living Dead." I thought that the — and zombies in the audience, too. People sitting up there, "What are you going to do?" If I were in that audience, if you and I were in that audience, "Come on, you pinhead."
MILLER: I know.
O'REILLY: That's what it would have been.
MILLER: It was like "Bureaucrats of the Caribbean" or something. Yo, ho, ho, it's a charlatan's life for you.
O'REILLY: Here's the question: If you are a presidential candidate and everything you do is parsed, the press obviously trying to tear you to pieces, particularly the partisan press, does it turn you into a zombie? Was John McCain a year ago a much different person than he is now? Was George Bush, eight years ago, a much different person than he is now?
MILLER: Well, listen, Bush is a different case for me. And by the way, I have to say all this acrimony about Bush, I just want him to know that somewhere out here there's a guy who still appreciates that we're going on 2,600 days without a domestic terror attack. I know he's been ruled a catastrophe. And in many ways, I look at Bush, and I don't get it at all. But thank you...
O'REILLY: Oliver Stone is going to explain it to you.
MILLER: Yes, well, that's all fine and good. But somebody has got to keep us safe back here so guys like Oliver Stone can make fun of the guys keeping us safe.
O'REILLY: You're absolutely right, that that is his big legacy, that he dismantled Al Qaeda, which he did.
MILLER: No small thing.
O'REILLY: But this thing now is overriding everything. This economic thing is overriding everything. So the question again is, does the process change the person?
MILLER: Well, it has with John McCain.
O'REILLY: Do you really believe that?
MILLER: Well, I look at McCain. The best he was was when he was out of it completely. If I was him I'd wake up tomorrow and tell myself I was out of it completely.
He went on commercial travel with his bag up to New Hampshire, got off the plane, nobody to meet him, and I thought, "And this guy is the bomb."
If I were him, I would come out tomorrow — I see only one toehold here — and say, "Listen, I've rethought Michigan. I'm fighting everywhere. I'm going up to Michigan on my own, and I'm going to fight for that state and I'm going to fight for all of you." Michigan now, which he got out too early in my eyes, it looked defeatist to me, looks like a possible toehold where he can re-emerge.
O'REILLY: That's what Rove said. But I don't even think he has to do that micro stuff if he can finally figure out to get on the side of the folks and beat — look...
MILLER: Well, then he wouldn't have voted for that thing, Bill, quite frankly. I know you believed in the thing, but if you really want...
O'REILLY: I didn't believe in the thing. I just didn't want the Chinese to put all their...
MILLER: It's a tough one. Why the pork? I mean, if you're talking about a guy who's talking about pork, you cannot let that pork be included.
O'REILLY: Tax credits, not payments. But look, here's what McCain should do. You say he should go to Michigan with a bag. Here's what he should do. Tomorrow morning he should get up and say, "Rudy Giuliani is my new attorney general. And his mandate is to prosecute every SOB on Wall Street and investigate Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Chris Cox, and everybody else in the government who failed to provide oversight and all the lobbyists for all of these brokerage houses and banks. Here's Rudy. He's going to do it. And here's Mitt Romney. He's secretary of Treasury. And Romney is going to help turn the economy around. Now, I'm going to go out on the stump, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney. We're cleaning up Dodge City."
That's his only chance, John McCain's.
MILLER: Yes, but Bill, there's one thing that I'm wondering about. I look at McCain, and like you said, he's no dumb man. I can't assume the guys around him are dumb. Is somebody telling him that if he's within a certain amount of points that this Tom Bradley corollary you always hear about is going to afford him the presidency?
O'REILLY: I'll tell you this.
MILLER: If he's going to go out tepid like this, I just don't get it.
O'REILLY: What's the most powerful news program in the country?
MILLER: Well, Suskind?
O'REILLY: He's dead. He's dead.
MILLER: Sorry. I knew I hadn't heard from him lately. "The O'Factor"!
O'REILLY: OK.
MILLER: Flatter me, I'm on the show.
O'REILLY: We have a hard time getting through to the McCain campaign.
MILLER: Well, I don't know what he's thinking. I mean, come on, John. Fight!
O'REILLY: That's right. And if he puts Giuliani and Romney on the side of him, that's his only hope.
Dennis Miller, everybody. You can open the Lincoln Tunnel now. Chaos wherever you go.
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