For those of you who've watched this show in prior Christmas seasons, you might recall that I tend to be a last-minute guy, at least when it comes to shopping. That's because I hate shopping. So I keep putting it off.
Not so this year.
For some unexplainable reason this past weekend, I found myself with time on my hands, money in my wallet, and New York City retailers at my feet. So i'm not talking some mamby-pamby Web shopping. I'm talking touch-and-feel, tackle-and-shove in-store shopping.
And you know what I've discovered? Two things, really.
1) I still hate shopping.
2) I hate shopping with women.
They know sales.
They know bargains.
I know it sounds sexist. But for me, it just is. I'm clueless. And I've gotta tell you, from the blank expressions on a lot of guys' faces out there with me, they weren't much better.
So I wasn't a bit surprised when the weekend shopping tallies were announced that men outspent women by more than 20 percent!
And you know why that is, ladies? Because we don't care.
We'd rather pay full price and get out than search out discounts and stay in. We can't be bothered.
Frankly ladies, I think you live to be bothered. Because frankly, a lot of you were bothering me... hovering around sales racks like locusts.
Now I'm a big guy. But my size meant nothing to you. You swatted me from discount bins like an oversized full price Armani shirt — which I had no problem buying, by the way, even though the woman behind me politely suggested I could get it for a lot less in New Jersey.
I told her, "Yeah, but I'm in New York right now." She gave me one of those, "Is this guy an idiot or what?" looks.
Call me a chauvinist pig. Actually just call me a pig... because the one thing I "did" quickly master was the food court.
But I digress.
So guys, be warned. It's a jungle out there. Just get it over with. And move your buns.
But first, do try the Cinnabons.
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