Glenn Beck: Pie Pop Quiz

This is a rush transcript from "Glenn Beck," September 16, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GLENN BECK, HOST: Hello, America.

Tonight, we're going to talk about pie. And not because I'm a big fat, fatty, fatso and, you know, I also can get people to run out and get pie for me, and then I can after the show just stuff my fat face with it. No. This is science, man.

I want to demonstrate a fundamental disagreement that Americans have with many of the leaders in Washington and the globalists, like spooky George Soros. Now, I want to demonstrate this here in a minute. Remember, I'm a baker, not a divider. Kind of like a lover, not a fighter, but it has a yummy ending. But no, never mind.

The administration and the progressives and, quite honestly, the Marxists, all see the world's wealth contained in this — this is it, you just have one pie. The entire world only has one pie.

And so, they want to make sure that absolutely everybody — Moe, the small businessman, you know, he runs the bar downtown.

And Mayor Quimby, he's — well, he is with the government, you know, he is the mayor.

And then we have Mr. Burns. He runs the nuclear power plant. OK? He gets a slice of pie.

And then you got Homer, which I heard from Cass Sunstein, represents you, the average American person — d'oh!

And then, of course, Barney the drunk who does nothing but drink all day. He also gets a slice of pie.

Now, where is Quimby? Quimby actually should have a bigger piece of pie. I'm going to take that one from you. I mean, you know, I know you're home or everything, but he should have some more.

And who's this? This is Moe, the small business — I hate — I hate those businesspeople. I'm going to give it to Mr. Burns.

Now, that doesn't seem right because we should maybe probably take it from Mr. Burns because he's the richest. But no, no, no, he's in with Quimby. Got it? Yummy, looking good so far, huh?

A lot of people in our government now are teaching our children that this is the way our system should be. The rest of us know that the free market system says that we're all bakers. We're all bakers.

We don't have to keep dividing the pie because every time you get a new person in, they're like — oh, yes, well, I hate this guy. And this guy, he's got to have his pie over here and then the next election, and this guy — this guy should have his pie over here and some of this guy's pie should go back over to him and then this piece? This piece goes over here and then this piece — this piece goes over here but then I take this piece and I put this piece back here. Yummy, isn't it?

Instead — I'm on a diet, but this was a mistake. I have to lick it off my fingers. Instead, what the free market system says is, hey, why don't we just bake more pies? Because there's no such thing as just one pie. All you have to do is learn how to bake pies. That's it.

You are a baker. Not a divider. Someone has to stand up and say that. Americans are bakers, not dividers.

But see, we've taught everyone that these pies don't exist. It's only this pie. And some of this is — some of this, science, don't do this at home. It's diet.

Who makes whipped cream and then doesn't make it yummy? Ahh!

All right. The problem is, is people in our country now are teaching our children that there are no pies. And they are probably teaching that there's crappy whipped cream that doesn't have any fat in it and it's better for you, puff. And so, our children and a lot of our population, this is all they're looking at, they've forgotten that there is a pie to be made that they can make and the transition from divider to baker is rough, because let's face it, a lot of people have gotten comfortable just waiting around for the government piece of pie that they now feel they're entitled to.

At what point did we ever think it was self-evident that all men are created equal and they all come with a pie? At what point did God say, you have a slice of pie? No, you have an opportunity to bake a pie.

We had to teach these people who have just done this with the pie that there's more pie out there. There's as much pie for everybody. You just have to make it. But that's going to be tough because you need, strangely, unlabeled flour and eggs and utensils. You need all of this stuff and you need a recipe and you need to be taught baking is not easy.

Well, in that time when you're trying to make pie, some people won't make very good pie and they're not used to fending for themselves. And there will be serious pain. You're going through cooking school.

You won't have very much pie or it will really stink. You've got to get a cookbook. You've got to do it yourself.

That's where this comes in — charity. I'm a small government by, a libertarian guy. Charity — charity, help each other. You say, somebody else is working hard in the kitchen and they're like, "My pie is not working," you go in and help them by choice. And when it still stinks, you're like you're really a bad baker, "But, here, have a slice of my pie." That's your choice.

Look, trouble is coming. I was reading — I've read two books. This is for fun, believe it or not. I read two books.

I think two years ago, I read this one, "World Made By Hand." And this one, "One Second After." Both of them are novels. This one is really kind of more Al Gore, the world is falling apart and we're all going — yes. And this one is more conservative — we're all going to die because of terrorism.

So, same message, though. World goes to hell in a hand basket and you don't have any of the stuff that we have. In this one — this one is really, really good. So is this one. And in completely different ways.

This one made me think — no, read them both. They're really good. But this one had a little extra something in it. In this one, there was a major catastrophe. It was an EMP that goes off and society collapses and we lose everything — computers, electricity, cars, everything — everything that has a chip in it.

Well, I mean, because I read this one and I thought — wow, life stinks without technology, OK? But this one had something else in it that this one didn't — something that I hadn't considered. It went a little deeper into refrigeration, no refrigeration. You can't keep pie. You can't keep anything that's perishable, which meant, no liquid medicines can be kept.

Now, I don't take insulin, so I didn't even think of that. Have you ever thought to consider how many of us are on some sort of life-saving or prolonging medication?

In the book, "One Second After," it's about 30 days into this catastrophe and the doctor explains that we're running out of medicine now because most people have about 30 days supply of medication in their house that they need. So, first, anybody who has anything that has to be kept in the refrigeration, for instance, anybody who's taking insulin, dies. Anybody in the hospital dies.

But then the people who are taking any kind — I mean, how many of us have high blood pressure? How many of us have cholesterol problems? Not me. A lot of us shouldn't be alive today.

A month later, after the first tragic event and a whole bunch of people die — a month later, there's another round of massive dying from meds running out. There's no insulin, there's no antipsychotic drugs, no cholesterol lowering pills, there's stroke, there's heart attacks, suicide, disturbed people on the loose. It would be chaos. We don't even think about that. We don't think of how many of us are alive today and walking around today that shouldn't be and wouldn't be if it wasn't for modern medicine.

Well, it's the same thing, I think, with handouts. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. Just like we are slaves, many of us, slaves to medication, we are dependent on medication, if we don't have it, we'll die. Many of us now are slaves from government handouts and many of us don't even know that we are enslaved.

I want to show you a chart. This is a chart of population that is taking a government bailout, OK?

Here it is, 1983 — about 20 percent, 25 percent of Americans. It's 44 percent and this number has got to — that's 2008. Forty-four percent -
- nearly half of all Americans live in a household with someone receives government benefits. That's far more than any other time in history.

Well, let me ask you. This is why, again, I say small government answer is charity, you've got to give and help each other out. But let me ask you, if it's not because the Tea Party gets their small government, it's just because we dry up. Well, what happens?

One of the many reasons we get off this merry-go-round or need to, is the government — I'll try to say this with a straight face — may not always be able to provide for all of our needs. So, then what?

It's just like — you know, it's not like they're just trying to provide for our needs, but because of their view that this is right, that there — these pies don't exist, it's only these pies, there's only one single piece of pie, they keep slicing it into pieces. They believe that they need to provide for not only — not only the people here, but also, we need to slice up — this is where their real guilt comes from, this is where the global Marxism comes.

Where's America's plate? Here's America's plate. We have half the pie. But remember, we first baked the pie.

Then you have Africa, with a little teeny slice. And then you have the Middle East with a little teeny slice and then you have Europe. Well, this makes people feel really, really guilty. Well, it doesn't make me feel guilty. It makes me feel bad for Africa and the Middle East. But a lot of times, people are killing each other over there, what are you going to do about it? They've been killing each other for 5,000 years.

Don't take my pie. Hey, what do you say, we can help them learn to make pie. And if they choose to make pie, then they're going to be OK and we'll be there to help them. That's charity.

What is it, teach a man to fish? Let's teach a man how to make pie. I don't really like fish, pie is better. And it's healthy, it's got fruit in it, you know?

Here's the thing: right now, we're saying that we are going to try to save Africa. We just want to help the people in Africa. What we're doing is, with our stimulus package, we took more than $800,000 and we spent it over in Africa for a genital hygiene program. So, in other words, let's just be honest, we took right here, we took some of our pie, sent it over to Africa.

Now, why would you do that? I mean, it doesn't matter how ridiculous or how great the program may be. We're not making any more pie ourselves. We're going to run out. We do things like this because there are people that think we have too much pie and Africa doesn't have nearly enough.

Now, how do I know that those in and around Congress and this administration believe in this pie theory and not this pie theory?

Well, let me go to Michelle Obama. She was campaigning for her husband in April, 2008, and she said, this is an amazing quote, "That Americans don't really want that much." Watch.

"They don't want the whole pie. Most Americans feel blessed just by being able to thrive a little bit, but that's becoming even more out of reach. The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care and revamped education system that someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so someone else can have some more."

That's not the way the system works. That's not what changed the world. The poor will always be among us.

But that's just one example from the Obama administration. There are tons of them. The mindset is that wealth is finite.

Let me tell you something: wealth is like the ocean and you're coming out with a bucket of water and somebody else says, "Don't spill any of that, you've got to give me a cup of it." No, take a dump truck and back it up to the ocean. There's plenty of water and it's constantly raining.

Wealth is not finite. And who's going to decide how much pie one person needs? Who's going to decide who the pie glutton is?

Who was it, Joe, who was it, that said fat man and skinny man and the elites look at the skinny man and think that the fat man made him that way, stole his food? To my knowledge, Michelle Obama has never even questioned, or has never been questioned about that comment.

Or let me ask you this, since when do most Americans feel blessed to thrive just a little bit, but that's out of their reach? What? Why is thriving just a little bit out of reach for any American?

There are problems, not everyone will make it. Not everyone can make pie. Some people need help. That's where charity comes in. But the vast majority of us — get off your ass and bake some pie.

You know, and it leads you to something else. It leads you to self- esteem. Your first pie might stink and you may never really be good at it. But you know what?

Which camera — this one?

Let me show you a picture of my father. Do you have the picture of my dad?

OK. Here's my dad. Here's my dad in the bakery where I was, growing up. He was really good.

He taught me to love what you do. It doesn't matter about money. Just love what you do. And I do. Not every day, but he didn't either.

My dad was poor. My dad was poor. He didn't make a lot of money. We had a hard time keeping the doors of the bakery open, but he was really good at what he did and he loved it.

He never asked anybody for their piece of the pie. He would have never accepted it. How many times did my father or my grandfather teach me — no, no, no, work for it.

I'm guessing your parents were the same. And if you're an able-bodied American, there's no reason to sit around and expect others to bail you out by handing you — no, no, no, by you having someone else take their piece of pie.

Now, there are a lot of people that if you have pie, there are a lot of people that are suffering. It is equally important that you understand that you have to take a piece of your pie and give it to somebody to help them. Look at that as an investment in people. You invest in people. That's what charity is, an investment in the future in people. It is important that if you don't do it, then the government must.

But let's all remember, this is America, the land of opportunity — the land where being blessed to thrive happens every day, to those with the attitude who understand what the free market system is, that life isn't fair all the time.

We just watched "The Count of Monte Cristo." I was in Driggs, Idaho, at this a great little — a drive-in movie theater called the Spud Drive In. And we watched "The Count of Monte Cristo." And it was great, and the line in it was "God will give me justice." God gives justice. Not government.

This is how America became the greatest, most productive, most prosperous nation in the world history and I'm not ashamed of it because we're the ones that changed the world. Do you know how many people are alive today on the planet because of what America did and what America has done and the technology and the ideas?

You could hate the rich all you want, but do you know how much the world has changed because of people like Bill Gates, or a good friend of mine, Jon Huntsman, Sr.? Here's a guy who grew up in a house with cardboard walls. He had one shirt. He went to start a chemical company because he could do it. He could dream it and he did it.

Do you know what he created? The egg carton. I didn't even know. When I heard that, I didn't even know that this has — I mean, doesn't it seem like it's self-evident, like it always was around? He created it.

He created Styrofoam cups and plastic forks and spoons. He has parts on your car, a Big Mac container, all of these things. If you are living today, most likely you have something in your home, paint is from Jon Huntsman.

Now, he employs tens of thousands of people all around the world. He's made billions. Well, is he evil? Or do you want to carry them around in a bowl?

Now, what can he do with his money? Well, it's up to him, it's his money. He's the one who he came up with it.

Well, he's decided to give it all to charity. He's decided to give it to charity. Why? Because he chooses to, because he knows that's the right thing. He wants to die broke the way he came in. You can't take it with you.

Well, that's what the wealthy in our country do that get it. They work hard for their families. They employ people. They're not slaughtering baby seals and polar bears and starving crippled children or fashioning orcs in their basement for Halliburton, preparing some kind of slimy, evil army to rape and pillage the poor and unsuspecting villagers.

But have you ever heard the president say that, the first lady, Robert Gibbs, anyone in the White House praise the wealthy for their contributions to charity?

It was this guy that built the first private hospital, first public place where people could go. Him.

— Watch "Glenn Beck" weekdays at 5 p.m. ET on Fox News Channel

Content and Programming Copyright 2010 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2010 Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.