If Cher Could Turn Back Time

So Sunday night was a special time for me. Of course, it was my birthday, and I spent it accordingly: with a number of close friends reminiscing about good times.

I believe we have tape of the festivities.

Oh, Raoul and Sparta, did you put on a show! Rest in peace, my special fellas.

But as fun as it was, I cannot escape the fact that I am old. And when you're old, you have two choices: to fight it or to accept it. Luckily for me, I am gorgeous. But I am also sensible. I embrace aging because aging doesn't care.

Which is why the night got even better. Later, MTV aired its Video Music Awards, and Cher showed up, wearing the same skimpy outfit she once made famous in the "Turn Back Time" video from 1898. And yes, you can see her butt.

Here she is.

OK, I have to say, she doesn't look bad for 187. And I do own a similar dress, but it still sucks.

See this, friends, is what happens when you refuse to accept the inevitability of decay. If, in your golden years you strap yourself into a creepy sausage casing in a vain attempt to prove to everyone that you still got it, then you've lost it.

And you miss the point. The only great thing about being old is being old, i.e. giving in, not caring. It's a beautiful thing, especially for women. Once you're old, you either become a lovable granny or an embarrassing crone clutching at faded dreams. I know the path I'd choose. I want more grannies and less exposed fannies.

I would think Raoul and Sparta would agree, right? I'll miss their gentle weeping.

And if you disagree with me, you're a racist homophobe who still hasn't returned my "Best of Wham" DVD.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com