Jennifer Love Hewitt recently decorated her nether regions with Swarovski crystals, turning her naughty bits into -- her words -- a "pink disco ball."
It’s called Vajazzling. Like Bedazzling, you know? That infomercial about putting rhinestones on your clothes? Only this is no denim vest enhanced by a handheld machine that you can get for just $19.95 if you call right now. With vajazzling, you go into a high-end salon, get waxed bare, and are bejewled below the belt.
You know, I'm not sure which surprised me more: That Hewitt did it; that she went on national television and told everyone about it; or that such an activity exists at all. But there she was on The George Lopez Show letting it all hang out. OK -- not literally, of course. But she was talking all about it. She was so proud and giggly. She said she did it after a break-up to lift her spirits, and apparently it worked. Hewitt also shared her vajazzling tale on Chelsea Lately, The View and The Joy Behar Show. Girlfriend gets around.
The procedure goes something like this: You choose your design and they wax you bare as the day you were born. Then the design is hand-glued, crystal by crystal, or a crystal "tattoo" is applied. Generally, the vajazzling is done just above the, well, key player, as it were. Having it done any further down is not recommended, though from Hewitt’s description, it sounds like she went all out. Some women have a very small, simple design done high enough that low-slung jeans will reveal a glimmer. But the real thing is as low as you dare to go. Basically, where the hair was, now there are crystals.
Completely Bare in New York City, which claims to have originated the service and the name, offers a variety of designs starting at $115, including the wax. One design, a beautiful padlock on a chain, costs $750.
So, in the name of journalism, I decided I had to get vajazzled myself. Unfortunately, I don’t live in NYC and so Completely Bare wasn’t an option on such short notice.
After much research, I found a salon where I live in Dallas, Texas, that has just started doing the procedure. But after several failed attempts to get an appointment, I decided I had no choice but to do it myself.
You can order the crystal tattoos directly from Completely Bare spa or get them from a variety of other suppliers. But I – don’t laugh – happened to already have one. I stayed at a very sexy hotel in Paris called the Hotel Sezz, and body décor is one of the things available in the mini bar. The ones I had on hand were actually made by Bijoux Indiscrets for decorating one’s breasts. But the concentric circle pattern seemed like it would do just fine for vajazzling too.
So, after preparing my, ahem, canvas, I asked my significant other to give me a hand. Peel, position, press, and release. Viola, I was all jazzled! I have to admit, the whole idea seemed kind of kooky. But, you know what? It looks really great. Rather sexy, if I do say so myself. It certainly wasn't how I expected to spend my Monday afternoon. But, hey, I’m all for an adventure. And my lover dug it too. The whole experiment led to a little fooling around, in fact, during which no crystals were harmed.
I’m sure going to the salon is a bit of a different experience. But having had a Brazilian wax a number of times, I feel confident saying that being vajazzled couldn’t possibly be more intimate or bizarre. It’s still a stranger you’re paying to tidy things up and make you look pretty in a spot the general public is not welcome to view. The process may be weird, but the result is worth it.
Plenty of people will – or do – take issue with vajazzling. But I can’t see why. It’s harmless, as far as I can tell. Does it objectify women? Nope. Only other people can do that, not a simple salon service. A few well-placed jewels accomplish pretty much the same thing as sexy lingerie. If it makes a woman feel good, I’m all for it.
I’ve been vajazzled for a few days now and the adhesive is still going strong (although the instructions say you should leave the decals on for only eight hours. Yikes). Completely Bare says its version lasts at least five days. My next trip to New York City, I am definitely paying them a visit.
Most of the day, I completely forget I’m vajazzled. But when I do remember, it makes me smile. Having those clandestine crystals makes me kind of feel like a rock star. Only I get to decide who can see it, and I feel – don’t laugh – a little bit like my naughty bits have super powers.
Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas, Texas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family" edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters" edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at www.jennyonthepage.com.