Count on this: After the formal paperwork has finished ping-ponging between attorneys, people will start throwing advice and analogies at you about getting back "into the game."
Whether it’s a fellow divorcee from www.divorcedating.com or finally accepting that cup of coffee from the cute coworker who’s been flirting with you for months, you will get naked with someone else. It’s inevitable.
Maybe the neglect you’ve suffered at home will have you champing at the bit, eager to tear his/her clothes off at the earliest opportunity. But most probably you are experiencing anxiety over at least one of the following topics:
Q: Am I as good now as I once was?
A: Your memory of yourself when you last found yourself dating a decade or two ago and the person you see staring back at you in the mirror seem like two different people. Toby Keith isn’t the only one with insecurities; you find yourself wondering if you can find your mojo and be as hot and sassy as you were last time around.
Q: Desperate housewife, or just desperate?
A: You may find yourself guessing what the current guidelines are for a good date or next mate. Maybe you are second guessing yourself; you don’t want to make the same mistakes twice. It’s torturous. Can you see the red flags? Are you too picky? Not picky enough?
Q: Am I too old? Too young?
A: Widen your "datespan." Maybe you were a junior and he was a senior when you met, nowadays no one will blink if you are five, 10 — even 15 years — apart, in either direction. This means the age range of partners you can realistically consider just got a whole lot broader. Hallelujah!
Ladies, just know that an older man may not automatically be a sugar daddy at all, since he’s probably paying alimony, child support or college education for the kids in his first family.
You may need to update yourself. Here are three hot topics to help bring you up to speed:
1. Zooming in on grooming.
Trimming the hedges goes way beyond the neck up these days. This is not your father’s little league, and "au natural" is not in vogue my friend. Invest in a "personal" shaver and go buy some new undies. Now.
2. Kama sutra, Tantra and "toys," oh my!
There is so much more than the missionary position. Consider "reverse cowgirl," read up on "extended orgasm," "female ejaculation," and be overjoyed that adult toys are now considered "sexual health aids," and come in neon colors with overnight delivery. The tasteful and discrete "adult" store www.AdamandEve.com has been around longer than you were married.
3. There is good news.
While post-divorce sex may seem infinitely more complicated, there are reliable Web sites and publications for every theme you may be grappling with.
Consider my book "Dating the Older Man: Consider Your Differences and Decide if He's Right for You," or "Dating the Younger Man: Guide to Every Woman’s Secret Indulgence," by Cyndi Targosz.
I’m a single dad and want to give my teen daugher a book about sexual health. I will still be around to talk to her, but want something with a lot of facts and experts that she can use as a resource. I’m scared about her getting misinformation on the Web or through her friends.
— Desperate Dad
You are right to be worried, both the Internet and her friends can have some really bad information. Plus, the teen years are notoriously impulsive, short-sighted and just gosh-darn illogical.
Get her the fantastic classic "Our Bodies Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era," by the super-reputable team at Boston Women’s Collective (it's pretty much avaialable at any bookstore).
— Dr. B
Dr. Belisa Vranich is a psychologist and sex expert. She is the author of four books, including her latest "He's Got Potential," which is in stores now. Do you have a "Dear Doc" question? E-mail Dr. Vranich at DrBelisa@gmail.com and check out her Web site at www.drbelisa.com.