This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," January 27, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, let's go right to the sage of Southern California for his suggestions as to how to liven up tonight's State of the Union address. Miller joins us now from L.A.
OK. You know, this thing is painful. It's boring. It's always boring. It's not just Obama; everybody. So you're in charge to liven it up tonight. What would you tell the president to do?
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DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, I have a couple fantasy scenarios, and then I'll tell you what I think he's actually going to do, Billy.
I wish he'd come up on them and he'd be in camo, delivering the State of the Union from Gitmo and say, "Listen, Pelosi and Reid flipped the red queen on me last year. I went insane. I thought we could talk to these animals. We can't. I'm resetting. From here on in we're going to croak the bad guys again." That's scenario No. 1 that I would like to see.
Second, the guy who reads the "Please welcome the president" thing just holds up a card and says, "I figure you all need a night off. I'm not going to come in tonight. Make up your own speech."
Third, they turn the teleprompter around and just let us see what he sees when he's up there.
But fourth, I think what he's going to say, and this is so ironic, I think he is going to say, "I'm going to stay the course," which is what they killed Bush for. So it's going to be beautiful.
O'REILLY: So you don't think he's going to make any adjustments, political or ideological adjustments, in what he's done the first year? See, I think he might. I think he might do a few mea culpas.
MILLER: He's going to start pronouncing health care jobs now, because health care is radioactive right now. So we're going to hear jobs for a while. And listen, it's going to be a great speech. It's going to be very eloquent. And at this point, if the American populace's yawn got any bigger, they'd have to assign it a hurricane name. We know he can speak. He's just not too hot on governing so far.
O'REILLY: Yes, but he hasn't even given any rousing speeches lately, you know. And the specter of Nancy Pelosi popping up and down — remember we talked about this last year. Up and down, up and down. I mean, are you looking forward to that?
MILLER: You know what it is, it's like she reminds me of, like, a jack-in-the-box. You know, with — twitchy or something. Yes. I can't watch her. I shut my one eye, and I watch Biden, and I'm glad I'm not him. But if Obama really wanted to come out tonight, he could solve this all and say, "Listen, here's what's up. I figured out I'm in the way here. Let me get out of the way. Anybody within earshot of this, hire somebody tomorrow morning. We'll make it worth your while. We're going to get out of the way. We're going to stop using the government as the middle man for jobs. You, small businesses, hire somebody tomorrow morning. We're going to give you a tax break and solve all this stuff." But he's...
O'REILLY: I'd like to hear specifics, too, stuff like that. Now, how many times do you think he's going to blame Bush tonight? I'm taking a little lottery here. You know, how many times do you think we're going to have, "Well, we inherited this from that idiot, you know? What are we going to do?"
MILLER: My feeling is, you know, when he comes up that aisle at the beginning, he'll be wearing a sandwich board that says, "Bush's Fault." He's not even going to wait until he gets to the mic.
O'REILLY: He'll have the little board on him.
OK. Democratic infighting. Do you believe that they are all going after each other in there and what do you think?
MILLER: This is going to be like preying mantises crawling over each other in a Hellmann's jar to get to the one air hole. As far as intra-familial dust-ups go, this one is going to be Menendezian. Blue blood will spill between Pelosi and Reid, because Pelosi is more unhinged than a double-wide front door in the midst of a DEA crystal meth bust. And it is going to get really ugly over there as these people start climbing over each other to get off the sinking ship.
O'REILLY: So you believe it? You think that they're all at each other's throats?
MILLER: Yes. And I think it's going to get ugly, because they're good at it. The Dems have a war room for everything but war, Billy. But they better realize they've got to shift this around or they are going to fall in November like side (ph) going through a Slim Jim farm (ph).
O'REILLY: Well, it is getting there pretty fast. You know, Nancy Pelosi today apparently said, "Yes, I'm for the freeze in spending and we also should include the Defense Department." Whoa, I mean, how crazy is this?
MILLER: Well, let's hope somebody freezes her tonight so she's not bopping up and down like a piece of driftwood.
O'REILLY: You know, out where you live the University of California spends a lot of tax money. And one of the things they did was they came up with a global warming villain, and that is your lawn, Miller. Your lawn, OK? Apparently Miller's lawn is emoting emissions that is making the world hotter. Leaf blowing, mowing your lawn, all of these things are killing the polar bears, and you ought to be ashamed, Miller.
MILLER: Well, here's my feeling on this global warming thing, Bill. If I can't jump into my gas-guzzling BMW and drive down my huge driveway through my beautiful lawn and go down to the local chophouse for a steak, then I create a little greenhouse gas as I digest the steak, what in God's name is the sake of having a planet anyway if we can't do that? All right? So the Earth better buck up and wear a cup, because we're going to keep eating steaks. I'm going to keep growing my lawn. I'm going to keep driving the Beamer, and I'm going to keep making greenhouse gas.
O'REILLY: All right. I want to see you putting around on your lawn, you know, cutting that lawn with a little thing like that. There goes Miller.
Super Bowl, Miller, you're a sports guy. Prediction? Comments on the game?
MILLER: Well, listen, when Darrelle Revis essentially throws a — he doesn't shut down Reggie Wayne or the tight end down there. But when two kids named Austin Collie and Pierre Garcon get 275 yards, that tells me that Peyton Manning is just an absolute freaking genius. And as much as I like the Saints, I don't know that you can stop Peyton Manning. He is un-freaking-believable. I have one solid prediction though for the Super Bowl, and that is that Jehmu Greene will never watch the Tim Tebow ad, because she can only make incisive comments on it...
O'REILLY: If she hasn't seen it.
MILLER: ....if she never, ever watches it.
O'REILLY: Miller...
MILLER: That's what passes for insight on the left now. Off with the jeweler's loop, on with the blinders. Good job, Jehmu. Why don't you watch it before you trash it?
O'REILLY: Miller is referring to our debate last night about the Tim Tebow Super Bowl ad. Here's how good Peyton Manning is, Miller. You could have had 150 yards if you were in the slot, OK. That's how good that guy is.
MILLER: Yes.
O'REILLY: All right. Dennis Miller, everybody. And I think that Indianapolis will win as well.
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