She’s super sexed up, and then she suddenly puts on the breaks. Why does a woman go from sexy and seductive to shy and self-conscious in the bat of an eye?
It’s because some fear, anxiety or inhibition has worked its way into her brain, halting all action. If her comfort zone is threatened, she’ll no longer be in the mood.
Here are some of the major issues haunting her during sex play, plus ways to remedy the situation.
1. She’ll look "fat" in her lingerie.
While barely-there styles can tap our inner vixen, they typically require a body in peak condition. Lingerie highlights every roll, lump, and flabby area, which reminds her that she’s no Heidi Klum. This can kill her sexy siren nature.
The fix: She needs to explore undergarments that flatter her form. Spanx lingerie and hosiery, for example, appeal to women looking to slim their midsection or firmly support their hips and thighs while donning panties, camisoles or full-body slips.
Until such a purchase is made, turn off the lights or adjust them for mood lighting to invite lingerie loving. Yes, this kind of defeats the purpose of intimate apparel, but she won’t feel nearly as self-conscious. She can still feel sexy in sporting lingerie, with both of you relishing the feel of the fabrics gracing her body.
2. He’ll notice her cellulite or stretch marks.
Puckered, dimpled skin or scar tissue can make anybody feel conscious. But as a lover is kissing, massaging, or orally pleasuring your nether regions, thus coming face to face with these natural "imperfections," they can feel magnified. Those unable to get past their negative body image shut down sexually.
The fix: Let her know that you adore her for more than her physical appearance. Give her compliments regularly both in and out of the boudoir, highlighting what makes her sexy. Encourage physical activities the two of you can pursue together, the payoff being that she’ll slowly feel better about her form and more confident in her own, cellulite-splattered skin.
3. Somebody’s response time is going to be "off."
When it comes to sexual response, she could be worried that things are going to go one of two ways: (1) her partner is off to the races as soon as they hit the sheets; or (2) her arousal and orgasmic abilities will feel delayed. She starts to fret over her lover not lasting long enough for her excitement to match his. Or she’s worried that she’s going to take forever to climax, if she does at all.
The fix: If you tend to be a rabbit, don’t turn your sex session into a race, rushing through the entire experience.
Ask her to guide you in matching her pace, having her control the rhythm and speed. To amp up her arousal level, pay special attention to her clitoris, maintaining such stimulation throughout foreplay and intercourse.
Above all, make sure you’re communicating. Don’t get caught up in your experience, make it a shared one. Ask about her needs, as this will also give her a sense of control over the situation and give her emotional reassurances about her partnership.
4. She’ll get pregnant.
Research conducted by the Guttmacher Institute this past summer found that, given the current economic situation, nearly half of women surveyed wanted to delay pregnancy or limit the number of children they have. Concerns over the economy also had approximately half of these women, ages 18-39, focusing more on effective contraceptive use.
Unfortunately, for one-quarter of these women, tough times have meant a harder time paying for their contraceptive methods. Almost one in four women has postponed a gynecologic or birth control visit in the last year to save money.
The fix: Make sure you’ve got an ample condom supply. Offer to help pay for her gynecological care and contraceptives. Pregnancy prevention should always be a team effort.
5. She’ll get an STD.
Women are more susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) than men. For example, with HIV, a female is twice as likely to be infected by a male as vice versa. This is in large part because our reproductive organs leave us more exposed to an STD than do men’s. Complicating matters is the fact that it’s also harder for women to notice symptoms, since infections are often asymptomatic.
The fix: If lovers aren’t abstaining from sex involving the transmission of fluids or skin-on-skin contact, they should use protection to minimize the risk of infection. Women, especially, need to be proactive in protecting themselves, since a recent World Health Organization report found that young women make up more than 60 percent of 15 to 24-year-olds who have HIV/AIDS.
6. He’s expecting her to perform like a porn star.
She may be worried about having to perform a sexual act she’s not comfortable with, or maybe she fears he’d rather be watching a porn star than having sex with her.
The fix: Avoid putting pressure on your partner to act out what you’ve seen in porn flicks. By suggesting a sex act, don’t let her know that you saw it in an X-rated movie — frame it as your idea and something with the potential to turn both of you on. Also, use this as an opportunity to explore what she might want to do. She may surprise you.