Dennis Miller on GOP Victories in New Jersey and Virginia

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," November 4, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, three hot topics for the prince of perspicacity. He joins us now from Los Angeles.

So what did you say on the radio today about the election?

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DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, I like Christie in New Jersey. The governor who ate New Jersey. I think he has a good sense of humor about himself. He was on Imus, and he said he was 5'11", 555. So I like a guy who has a sense of humor.

But he also looks like a Jersey guy. You get the feeling he had to get up this morning and go back to his regular job on "The Sopranos" feeding Uncle Junior. And you know, as much as I like him, I don't like Corzine because I think Corzine looks like one of those needy, rich, bald guys who, like, overdid it when Barack comes to town. Look at him. He thinks he's important at this point. He just gets over-amped when he's in Barack Obama's presence, and I don't think that reads leadership. He looks like one of those guys on "Benny Hinn," who you know, Barack touches him and he gets up out of the chair. He's all smiling. This doesn't read like a mensch guy. It looks a little needy.

O'REILLY: You know what's going to happen to Corzine? You know what's going to happen to Corzine? Put Corzine's picture back up there for a moment. Here's what's going to happen to Corzine. Now that he's not the governor any more, I predict he's going to grow a ponytail.

MILLER: Well, he should have never moved his beard down, you know, from his head down to his chin. He should have kept it up on his head. He just slid the whole thing down. I thought it was a mistake.

O'REILLY: I guarantee you're going to get the ponytail out of this guy. I guarantee it.

MILLER: And a Corvette.

O'REILLY: That's right. Whipping around.

MILLER: In New York-23, I think it points out how hard it is to get a third party. You know, it's a bit of a rigged game up there. When Dede "Joey Buttafuoco" dropped out and threw it to the Dem. It will — just shows you that the Dems and the Republicans are closer than you would like to think.

Now we take it down to Virginia, and I'm not saying it's been quite a messiah-to-pariah slide over the last year for Barack Obama, but let's just say at this point he doesn't have a lot of coattails. He has coattails like a naked midget. And I just think that last night, you were seeing people in the three opportunities they had — at least two of them — .666, the Republicans batted for the night — were saying they wanted to spin the herd on these faux hipster czars, that they wanted to, you know, take the collective safeties off the troops and, you know, rifles over there. And the last thing is, quite frankly, they did not want to turn $1.2 trillion over to a sub-reptilian intellect like Nancy Pelosi.

O'REILLY: All right, we'll get to Pelosi in a minute. But I want to write this down, because I like — so you're saying that President Obama's coattails are like a naked midget's? Do I have that correct?

MILLER: He has less coattails than a naked midget at this point.

O'REILLY: OK.

MILLER: That's what I'm saying.

O'REILLY: I do want to use that later on in some context.

All right. Nancy Pelosi gets out there, and, you know, "Body Language" took a look and said, you know, she's kind of sincere and says, you know, "We won." And it was kind of like George Custer at the Little Bighorn before the arrow went through his throat, going, "Hey, we're doing great."

MILLER: Look at those eyes. Look how empty that is. This woman could lose a game of "Tic-Tac-Dough" to an ameba, for God's sakes. It will show you the holes in the system we have, that this is the most powerful woman in the United States of America. Look at her. She's sub-reptilian. You usually see a face like that on a lizard laying on a hot rock.

O'REILLY: Oh, come on. She's an attractive — she's a grandmother. I think she's very attractive.

MILLER: Billy, I'm not saying — I'm not saying anything about pretty or unpretty. You're misreading me. Empty, vapid, nobody home. She's just — she's not that smart. You can tell me — you can tell me till the cows come home this is a bright woman. I don't believe you.

O'REILLY: OK.

MILLER: I think she memorizes the bullet points phonetically.

O'REILLY: She does memorize. We talk about the neck was tight.

OK, now, in Maine, I was very surprised that 53/47 said, gay marriage, we don't want it.

MILLER: Well, everybody's going to have to go on their own way on this one. They're going to have — let people vote, you know. Gay marriage, on the things that concern me, you know, I have gay friends who are married, and I'm happy for them. So on my list of concerns, gay marriage, things that weird me out in the morning or worry me? Eight billion and 42nd. Right in front of global warming, which is at eight billion and 43rd. But the country's going to have to figure theirself out on this one. I just say have a vote on it, and state by state, it will figure itself out eventually. This is what the vote is for.

O'REILLY: OK, and I agree with you. I'm with you on that. You know, I don't care about gay marriage so much. I want people to be happy. I want them to be able to pursue happiness. But I think the folks should be able to define what kind of country it is. If they want a traditional country with a traditional marriage, their vote should count. OK, now...

MILLER: I don't — I don't disparage people who are against gay marriage. It's just, for me, it doesn't bother me. But am I going to...

O'REILLY: It's not a priority. It's not a priority issue. But I know something that is a priority. And one of the reasons that I brought Miller on board "The Factor" — what has it been, three or four years now? One of the reasons that I was — I am very impressed with his 9/11 reaction, because Miller used to be a raving left-wing loan. And he was — he was chained in the basement and only let out for three or four days. And then 9/11 happened, and you changed. And you saw the danger. And you wanted an appropriate response. Now we have another danger in Iran. These people are crazy, and they want to get this nuke, and God knows what they'd do if they had it. And so what do you think about that? I mean, what should Obama do to these people?

MILLER: Well, I saw this Khamenei guy come out. Now, it seems like every time I looked over that way, there's a nut. They either shift the "A" in or the "O" in on the last name, but it's always a nut with a long, you know, white Oak Ridge Boys beard, and he's talking about blowing somebody up. And if he finds it to be — what was the phrase the Khamenei used? He said it was — it was naive and perverted that they might want to negotiate with the West.

O'REILLY: Yes.

MILLER: Yes? Well, I find it docile and adulterated that we haven't blown up what (UNINTELLIGIBLE) you had up yet. At some point, the world's going to have to come together.

O'REILLY: At some point.

MILLER: And realize when you buttress that crazy of a person up with a nuclear weapon, it can happen. John Bolton is right. Bibi Netanyahu is going to have to rectify that in the near future.

O'REILLY: It's — I think it's going to have to — put Khamenei up again, the mullah. You know what this guy looks like? And you'll get this one.

MILLER: He looks like...

O'REILLY: Put him up again. The mullah. OK. He looks like Leon Russell.

MILLER: He looks like Jon Corzine.

O'REILLY: Leon Russell. The guitarist, the singer? Leon Russell. He looks exactly like Leon Russell, when I saw him. If you got the turban. OK, Dennis Miller, everybody. There he is.

MILLER: All right, Bill.

O'REILLY: Obama's coattails are like a naked midget.

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