So KFC has come up with a brand new sandwich that replaces the bun with two deep-fried chicken fillets.
And it might be the greatest thing ever.
It's called the Double Down and it consists of three strips of bacon, Swiss and Pepper-Jack cheeses, packed between two plump breasts. It also includes the Colonel's special sauce, which I pray is not really from the Colonel.
Anyway, The Vancouver Sun put the Double Down at 1,200 calories — KFC says it's more like 600. But who cares? If you don't want to eat one, guess what? No one's putting a fork to your head. But I plan to have a Double Down for breakfast every single day, until my heart explodes over the face of my houseboy Ricardo and it's nobody else's business.
That is, until we get national health care.
See, once that happens, everything you eat, drink or smoke becomes everyone else's concern, because everyone else will have a personal financial stake in your health.
First, you won't be able to get a Double Down without a government warning. Next it's higher taxes on it and every other food the government says is bad for you.
It already happened in Maine. Their "snack tax" lasted 10 years. But despite the price hike on ice cream and cake, statewide obesity rates still doubled.
That would outrage me, if I didn't have a fat fetish.
Fact is, one end result of nationalized health care could be the demonization of awesome foods like the Double Down. And it won't stop there. First they'll come for your chicken-wrapped bacon. Then it'll be the bacon-wrapped Yodels. Then the deep-fried Ding Dongs.
And then... grandma.
And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.