A Salute to the Washing Machine

So, what really liberated women more in the 20th century?

The right to vote?

The pill?

Scotchgarded sofas?

No, no and you're close.

The real answer, according to the Vatican newspaper is… the washing machine.

In an article titled "The Washing Machine and the Liberation of Women," the writer (a woman) argues that the invention of this machine freed women to do other things, like talk to friends, drink coffee and weep quietly in a corner.

I'm sure the article had more to say, but I can't read Italian, so I'll assume they lauded the device then said I was gorgeous.

The fact is, this lady's right. The combination of ingenuity and industry have done more for chicks than any women's studies course, self-help book or crappy women's magazines extolling herbal enemas ever could. Women have been steered wrong by feminist writers and academics for so long, that they forget the things that make their lives better are the things that make their lives easier.

See, unlike feminism, which complicated life with bitter, backward theories about the evils of patriarchy, the washing machine offered new possibilities by providing something called "free time." In a way, the invention of the washing machine taught women that if you just left men alone for an hour, they'd invent washing machines. Thus, washing machines reflect the love men have for women.

So let's salute the machine and remember not to put pets or children in them. It's never as fun as it looks. I know from experience.

And if you disagree with me, you're worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com