There are two sexual behaviors that tend to get really severe reactions. And the irony is that most adults are guilty of them — even if only to a certain degree — and on a regular basis.
Exhibitionism and voyeurism refer to a wide range of behaviors — from completely consensual and harmless to illegal. The sexual acts they encompass are popular themes in erotic dreams, sexual fantasy and role-playing.
Yet we tend to hear about these “perverse” behaviors at their most extreme. Acts that are non-consensual and take place outside of an adult relationship are the ones that make headlines. Thus, sex partners can end up shortchanging themselves in the sexual gratification that legal forms of exhibitionism and voyeurism hold.
So how do couples go about safely embracing their inner exhibitionist while teasing their lover’s inner voyeur?
First, we need to be on the same page as to what these sexual practices are all about. An exhibitionist is a person who reveals his or her body to another. This can be as innocuous as wearing a slim-fitting, sexy outfit, having sex in high-risk places, or going skinny-dipping with a group of people.
A voyeur takes sexual pleasure in seeing another person nude. Classic examples include frequenting a strip club or watching “live cams” on the Internet. Lovers become voyeurs by watching each other undress, by giving one another a private lap dance or strip tease. In fact, the 1994 "Sex in America" study by Robert Michaels found that 93 percent of men and 74 percent of women enjoy watching their partners undress.
The problem with either of these behaviors lies in watching another without that individual’s consent. (Think: spying on other people having sex or flashing a stranger.) For the few people who like that sort of thing, sexual arousal is practically impossible without committing a punishable offense. Thankfully, these radical forms of exhibitionism and voyeurism are not terribly common.
A 2006 Swedish National Population Survey in the "Archives of Sexual Behavior," involving 2,450 18- to 60-year-olds found that just over 3 percent reported at least one incidence of exposing themselves to a stranger. Less than 8 percent reported having been the victim of a stranger exposing their genitals to them.
The characteristics associated with those who had exposed themselves included: Being male and having more psychological problems, lower life satisfaction, greater alcohol/drug use, more sex partners and higher frequency of porn use. Those reporting exhibitionism had a substantially greater likelihood of reporting other “atypical” sexual behaviors, like sadomasochism (S&M) and cross-dressing.
Luckily for many lovers, most erotic power play along the lines of voyeurism and exhibitionism is perfectly legal. Many have discovered that actively pursuing such behaviors can add an entirely new and enthralling dimension to their sex life.
The sexual rewards are plentiful for lovers who delight in the physical and mental pleasures of the following sexual acts:
— Walking around the house naked;
— Putting on private strip shows for one another;
— Having loud sex in hopes that others will actually overhear them;
— Pleasuring themselves in front of the other;
— Having one take on the role of a “peeping Tom,” for example, he watches while she washes herself in the shower, she innocently pretends she’s all alone;
— Visiting a nude beach;
— Looking at materials featuring adult film actors;
— Going to commercial sex venues, like a peep show.
Plenty of people have a subtle interest in “exposing” themselves. Many couples understand that unleashing their inner exhibitionist and playing to their voyeur tendencies can make for hotter sex. By realizing this, lovers will first have to talk about what works for the two of them in the relationship.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."
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