Death Is Top Issue in 2008 White House Race

So what's the top issue in this presidential campaign?

It's not race. It's not the economy. It's not even my pet cause: Public nudity on golf courses.

Nope. The No. 1 issue is age.

Yes, we're all getting older and, get this: We're all going to die.

So technically, death is the top issue, not age. But it's basically the same, since every day we die a little (unless, of course, you're Madonna and kept alive on meerkat blood).

But because McCain is 72, age is the big factor. Obama supporters, the lazy media, mediocre comics and bitter bloggers hammer on it nonstop.

It's easy because it's true: McCain's old. And by focusing only on that, you don't have to study up on anything else. Just keep saying he has eyebrows the size of Mothra and you'll get your laugh.

So go ahead and laugh. But you're going to be there, with him, sooner than you think -- if you're lucky.

Fact is: You could die tonight -- instantly making McCain a far healthier person than you. And really, even in his 70s, McCain is going to outlive most comics, pundits and snarky bloggers simply because he's tough and they aren't. Bloggers don't even have health insurance and they live off Cheetos and tears.

Look, where you are in life isn't as important as what you've done in it. Bad choices cannot be dismissed by the context of immaturity. Does it matter that when McCain was a young man he was being tortured by communists, yet when Obama was a young man he was sucking up to their sympathizers? Sure, the commies he brownnosed carried books instead of bayonets, but their ideology was every bit as rotten.

And speaking as someone who has more days behind him than in front, I'd like to say you make better decisions as you age. But you don't. I mean, I hired Bill.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com