Lie: That was my most amazing orgasm ever!
Truth: That was No. 4 on my list.
Mmm … You’re the best. I love how you do what you do! From faking the Big O to recalling sexual history to feigning partner approval, lovers lie about a lot of things. In some cases, it’s well-intentioned. Other times, it’s intentional deceit.
Given it happens all too often when it comes to one’s sex life, how can you tell when your lover is lying?
People are said to lie several times a day. This includes the harmless white lies we utter to make others feel better. Motives for hiding the truth stem from the desire to avoid conflict or argument, to protect one’s self, to gain rewards, or to avoid punishment. People also don’t like to air unpleasant truths, especially when it comes to what’s going on in the bedroom.
There is no 100-percent, surefire way to tell if someone is lying. Some perfectly innocent people can become visibly nervous if they think they’re being accused of something. You should, however, become at least a wee bit suspicious if your lover shows a collection of the following glaring or subtle cues.
To sniff out a liar ...
Consider the person’s recall.
Liars have great memories. They never forget. They tend to have no trouble with recall and get few details wrong. Yet, while they never forget something, they may stumble when telling a tale by making contradicting statements. They’re also eager to change the subject.
Observe the person’s overall body language.
Liars can look ill at ease, fiddling with their hair, stroking their throat, or rubbing their eyes. With their body often turned away from you, you may notice hand or leg fidgeting. Liars also have trouble swallowing and may shake their heads after a point has been made. Their timing may be off.
They also don’t become visibly relaxed until they think they’re in the clear. When the subject finally gets changed, they appear happier and more comfortable, maybe laughing nervously.
Take notice of any defensiveness.
Liars will often take offense to any indication that they’re under suspicion. They’re likely to throw any accusations you throw at them back at you. They will also talk too much, feeling the need to over-explain themselves. In dishing out the details for you, they hardly pause for a breath. In their mind, the more they can fabricate, the likelier they’ll fool you.
Home in on facial expressions.
For as much as they try, liars cannot control their micro-expressions. You may notice nervous twitching. Their hand may be covering or touching their face. People also tend to touch the mouth when feeling guilty or anxious. They’re particularly good with fake smiles.
Don’t overlook the Pinocchio reaction.
Yes, a person’s nose gets a tad bigger when they lie. When a human tells such a tale, extra blood gets pumped through the body and the nose swells by a fraction of millimeter. Liars may subsequently touch the tip of their nose unconsciously.
Concentrate on the eyes.
Fibbing is often all in the eyes. A liar has a troubled brow and downcast or darting eyes. They have trouble directly engaging your gaze. They also give you eye-accessing clues. If your partner is telling you the truth, he’ll look up and to the left since that’s the side of the brain we use for recalling information. If she’s lying, she’ll look up and to the right, which is the creative side of the brain, because she’s mentally constructing something that hasn’t happened.
Note the person’s voice.
The higher the stakes are, the more the liar has a fear of getting caught. With this, the liar has a harder time controlling his body language or her voice. The pitch or rate of the speech may change, with the individual giving a lot of “umms” and “ahhs.” Often, a liar will appear stilted and monotone. Answers may seem rehearsed.
In general, the person may seem superficial. More than anything, you’re picking up on the fact that this person isn’t acting like his or her “normal” self. And this is pretty good reason to be on to them.
Dr. Yvonne Kristin Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."