There were lots of difficult decisions to be made on “The Hills” this week, and in true “Hills” fashion, it seems like everyone chose wrong.
Lauren Conrad kicks things off with a packing dilemma as she preps to leave for Italy: bring heels, or don’t bring heels? This question apparently required a roommate conference, but despite asking for Audrina Patridge’s advice, Lauren decides not to take it. No heels.
Taking a cue from Lauren, Stephanie Pratt also requests Audrina’s counsel, though it seems like what she really wanted was a high five as she excitedly blurts out that Doug Reinhardt asked her out.
It would have been bad enough if Steph just didn’t realize that it’s not OK to date your friend's former flame. Instead, she fully acknowledges her girl code betrayal, but banks on Lauren’s vacation as her green light. After all, “how would she find out?” Um, I don’t know Audrina? Doug? Brody? Oh, and that GIANT CAMERA CREW that’s following you around? Clearly Stephanie’s really thought this one through.
As expected, Audrina shares the news with Lo almost immediately, who explains she’s less surprised by Steph’s imminent betrayal than she is by Doug’s attraction to her. Awesome. Audrina, on the other hand, wonders why anyone would “want sloppy seconds” (unlike she who prefers guys that just don’t bathe).
With all this wasted wisdom, Audrina should have saved some for herself and not only opted against the hideous sunglasses she’s sporting, but also against sharing Lauren’s business with the world, especially to Heidi Montag of all people. Yes it’s messed up to date your friend’s ex, but it’s also messed up to go sharing the news about said ex with that friend’s arch enemy.
Keep in mind Lauren still doesn’t know. I’m guessing being in on the gossip chain made Audrina feel like the “it” girl for a hot second, and like a crack fiend, she needed to share her tabloid gem with anyone who would listen.
Not like Stephanie did a very good job of keeping this one close to the vest. Unhappy with Audrina’s you-have-to-tell-Lauren advice, She-Pratt seeks a second opinion from her brother.
Now it’s true that Spencer is the person most likely to tell her to forget Lauren and just go for it. But you know that for her to have resort to talking to him, she must have hit up at least five other people who already told her what she didn’t want to hear. Unfortunately, even Spencer says Steph’s playing with fire.
Of course, as expected, Stephanie goes on her date anyway and proves to the world she’s as spastic as we all suspected. First, she starts things off by immediately bringing up Brody Jenner, the one guy who happens to be great friends with Doug but also happens to hate Stephanie. Then, once Doug is feeling nice and awkward, she follows up by asking if it’s weird that he dated Lauren. Has this girl ever been on a date before?
In a poor attempt to ease the tension, Doug changes the topic to what the plan is for after dinner (mind you they haven’t ordered dinner yet), only to have Stephanie respond with … complete silence. The only interesting part of the entire encounter was watching Doug’s blatant attempt to get something out of the night with his blatant booty-call glance, and Brody’s apparently half-human mom blowing up their spot. And suddenly it dawns on Stephanie –- Lauren might actually find out.
Lauren ends up returning from Italy early, saying she saw all Italy had to offer. Maybe she would have seen a little more with some heels to help her out, but at least she did see enough to vividly describe the country as “a construction site.” Suddenly I feel like I’m there.
She adds that she learned a lot but I'm guessing not as much as she ended up learning upon her return. No sooner had she walked through her front door than Lo was outing Audrina for sitting next to Heidi at a nightclub.
Audrina then admitted to double dating with Heidi and Spencer the following day, and then broke the news about Doug asking Stephanie out. Even Brody got in on the gossip, later telling Lauren that the two did in fact go to dinner, as confirmed by his mom. About that decision to leave Italy early…
So now, Stephanie and Doug will be scrambling for lies as Lauren contemplates disowning them both, while Mrs. Montag comes to town to persuade Heidi to disown Spencer. Again easy decisions, and again, I bet they all choose wrong.