If you want to talk sex with me, don’t use the word “bizarre.” And while we’re at it, I’m not too keen on the words “weird,” “crazy,” “kinky,” “odd” and “freaky.” They’re dirty words in my sex book. Why? They’re so judgmental.
Labeling a sexual behavior — especially using any of those words — may discourage people from sexual exploration that could prove riveting. The sex lives of couples should be based on their own values — and not on anyone else’s.
Nothing surprises me when it comes to sex. I feel like I’ve heard it all. Still, every now and then I’ll catch wind of a story or sex research finding that evokes a “really??” out of me. And that’s when I’m reminded that I’m not so immune to the “That’s so bizarre” reaction most people have in hearing others’ stories of sex gone wrong. It seems that just when you think you’ve heard it all, human nature never fails to entertain us with some poor sap’s sex travesty.
Here are some examples:
He Put What Where??
For a few people, the urethral opening is an actual hot spot of the body. But how far some will go in stimulating this body part is quite mind-boggling. Urological Oddities, a 1948 collection of interesting cases, features such urethral sex play. Stories include an older man who lost a corsage pin in his “prized possession.” Another man died from an infection after using a Christmas tree twig. Sex researcher Alfred Kinsey is known to have used a toothbrush, bristle end first … Am I the only one thinking ouch?!
He Didn’t Know Not to Put That There?!
This one stumped me — and certainly makes the case for better sex education. A 1965 Journal of the American Medical Association issue featured a woman’s husband who mistook her urethra for her vagina. As a result, and not too surprisingly, the woman had incontinence issues.
Worst Ambulance Story
Men: Imagine having a large water tank from a public commode stuck to your member. It has happened. Bonk, a more recent work on sex research, features a man from Houston who was taken away by ambulance after attempting to have sex with a water-tank. Personally, I can’t visualize this one, but it just sounds bad.
Worst ER Story
While there are plenty to choose from in this category, the one that always stands out in my mind was told to me by a nurse practitioner who worked in a Philadelphia emergency room. A stripper had been rushed in with shards of glass in a place where, to put it delicately, shards of glass should never be found. Apparently, gyrating over a shot glass was part of her routine. Perhaps most perplexing — and what makes this case so memorable — is that this same incident has happened several times in emergency rooms before.
Man vs. Mother Nature
In parts of Africa, Haiti, and Indonesia, men like their women to be “dry,” and we’re not referring to their sense of humor. To accomplish this, women have been known to insert all sorts of drying agents including shredded newspaper, cotton, rock salt, detergent and super-absorbent tampons. Any of these can result in the outer layer of vaginal cells drying out so badly that it actually peels away.
Man Becoming One with Nature – Sort of
While I try to be open-minded and withhold judgment on most sex matters, when it involves man and beast, I have trouble buying the argument that it’s natural. Still, Kinsey’s sex research from the 1940s certainly challenges the notion that inter-species loving isn’t so far-fetched. In surveying American males, Kinsey found 26-28 percent of college-age rural males reported having “some animal experiences to the point of orgasm.” Kind of gives new meaning to “when you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Huh?
In the Know Sex News …
Baby Boomers Spend More Money on Spouses. A study conducted by TV Land found people ages 40-59 spend more than three times the amount of money per month on their spouses than those under the age of 40 ($514 vs. $169). Forty and 50-somethings are also more open to trying new things, including new brands, challenging the fact that they are not a prime target of the advertising industry.
Millions Rely on Public Health Clinics. According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in four contraceptive users relies on a family planning clinic for critical reproductive health care in the U.S. Women rely on these clinics not only for birth control, but Pap smears, pelvic exams and HIV and sexually transmitted disease testing, counseling and treatment.
Canada Launches Initiative to Combat HIV/AIDS. In an effort to promote safer sex and HIV testing among Canadian youth, a new initiative called “One Life” is aimed toward 18- to 30-year-olds. The effort includes physicians, medical clinics, testing facilities and HIV/AIDS service organizations, as well as a message using U2's song "One," which was recorded with Mary J. Blige. Canadian officials fear that antiretroviral drugs have given youth the impression that HIV/AIDS is curable.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."