So I read that a Los Angeles man just killed a neighbor for playing music too loud. The killer got into a fight with the neighbor over said music and shot him. Police Lt. Ted Matthews said the crime was "very unusual."
But is it really?
Now, as you know, I'm against murder. I may be going out on a limb here, but I think it's mean to kill people. It's insensitive to their rights as a living person.
But there is an instance when murder can be justified and that is when a person is noisy.
Be honest, how many times have you wanted to stab someone in their fat face because they were playing their Michael Buble too loud, at an unreasonable hour? Granted, there is no reasonable hour to blare Michael Buble, but still, this person should die.
And haven't you ever wanted to strangle a chucklehead in his car, as Nickelback creates a soundtrack to his pointless life? He should die too.
But the worst offender? The guy who leaves his little dog in his apartment all day, where it barks and barks, driving everyone else nuts. You know who I am talking about, Apartment 13H. I've had it and I swear if you don't cut the racket you're going to receive your pooch in four different doggie bags, delivered to you once a week, for a month.
I'm so not kidding — sorry.
My point is this: If the law were to consider loudness as violence against your ears, then we'd finally have the right to defend ourselves. And by defend ourselves, I mean with 5-iron right around the kneecap. Aim for the groin however, if the music is Josh Groban.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.