There’s no other way to say it – a sex slip-up just isn’t sexy.
Yet Mars and Venus make mistakes all the time when making love, squelching some well-intended efforts.
Although both genders are guilty of sexual errors, I’m going to take a look at some of the miscalculations that men sometimes make.
Whether it's titillation tactics, misjudging erogenous zones or misguided notions as to what women want, men need to avoid the following bedroom blunders if they want to become great lovers:
1. Thinking that foreplay starts in the sack. The timer for enticing does not start once you hit the sheets. Your pre-game show is best approached as an all day affair. Women love to be wooed. Sex is a head game — in more ways than one — and women want to know you can’t get them out of your mind. We love knowing that we are desired.
Men, whether your plan is to “get some,” rev up her engine or bring her to fast orgasm, your strategy should begin long before you enter the bedroom.
This isn’t necessarily because women need a lot of time to get warmed up. Given that a couple of my girlfriends can attain an orgasm in a minute or two, at least by themselves, my sense is that the "statistic" that women need an average 20 minutes of foreplay before penetration tends to be overused.
2. Going south too soon. Do not “pass go and collect $200.” Diving in for the genitals too soon usually isn’t the best idea. A woman needs to be properly aroused before any below-the-belt action feels good.
Be sure to focus on her entire body — head to toe — before going for the gold.
3. Ignoring the clitoris. Many men think a woman’s orgasmic ability is due to penetration. Yes, there is certainly pleasure in this part of the performance, but the bell of the ball is being left out of the party.
More than 70 percent of women experience clitoral orgasm when it comes to maximum reaction, so men need to make sure they are not ignoring the clitoris. It also helps if you actually know where the clitoris is located — some have been known to rub the urethral opening, which can be a big no-no for some ladies.
4. Missing the G spot. In digging for buried treasure, many guys don’t know that “X” doesn’t always mark the spot. Found on the front wall of the vagina, a woman’s G spot may be a little higher or lower, or more to one side than the other, than often depicted.
Its size may also vary, from as small as a pea to as large as a quarter. Hint: she needs to be aroused before you even have a prayer of finding it.
5. Becoming too goal-oriented in your efforts. There is nothing more endearing than a man who wants to play. Just don’t get caught up in yourself. Your sexual exploration should be playtime for two.
Stay “present” in the moment – connecting with your partner will bring the ultimate climax to both of you.
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6. Gaining weight and still thinking you're attractive. "For better or worse” should include weight fluctuations, but don’t let yourself go completely.
You don’t know how many women have complained to me about the double standard in staying attractive: Women are expected to stay hot-to-trot, men aren’t.
So if you want continued star treatment for your rock star performances, know that Meat Loaf isn’t the singer to emulate.
7. Not knowing about her need to be naughty. Sometimes she needs to get in touch with her adulterated side. In fact, research has found that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. Forget the prince on a white horse or canoodling on the beach.
Many women enjoy all sorts of erotica. Don’t be afraid to play up her far-from-virtuous visual nature.
8. Thinking she's supposed to act like a porn star. When I was the co-host of “Sex Files” on Sirius’ Maxim Channel, I couldn’t believe how many questions we received from men about how to get their lover to do something specific in bed.
As seen in porn films, many men expect their lovers to fulfill their every fantasy. Remember that porn is fantasy, not reality. Expecting her to act like a porn star is simply not fair.
9. Thinking you're supposed to look like a porn star. Despite what XXX-rated films indicate, most women are not lusting after the three-legged man. The Ron Jeremy package deal doesn’t do it for most.
Last weekend, this topic came up with my girlfriends over cocktails. As the ladies crossed their legs, the overall consensus on "larger than life" was: “What are you supposed to do with that?”
Maybe some women are up for the challenge, but many are fine with the guy who fits within the norm. Don’t be too hard on yourself for being just that.
10. Believing one orgasm is enough. She’s just had a mind-blowing orgasm, maybe two. So she should be perfectly content, right? Wrong.
Women are not nearly as quick to come down from their aroused state as men are post-sex. Many can be launched right back to bliss, and many women do crave more action and orgasms, even if they were perfectly satisfied by the first sexperience.
Even if you’re exhausted, don’t rule out Round 2. There are other ways of pleasing her, so go ahead and do it all over again.
In-the-Know Sex News:
— Missed Opportunities in Prison. As reported in CQ HealthBeat, the U.S. correctional system is missing opportunities to educate 2 million-plus inmates about HIV. Prevention and testing opportunities are also being missed, all of which are very important since prisoners are three times more likely than the general population to be HIV-positive.
— Online Dating Meets Christianity. ChristianCafe.com is boasting approximately 100,000 members. The Ontario-based dating service, which has been receiving positive reviews, gives individuals of the same faith an opportunity to connect.
— Call to Decriminalize Abortion. The Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe, which consists of 47 European countries, recently adopted a resolution regarding the decriminalization of abortion. The resolution was passed by a vote of 102 to 69, and calls for guaranteed access to safe abortion procedures and the right to have an abortion within reasonable gestational limits.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hand Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."
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