Are fat people the new Middle East?
Right now, the fastest eco-boat on the planet, called Earthrace, will attempt to break the "round the world" speed record using fuel made from human fat. The boat took 10 liters of liposuctioned human fat to travel 15 kilometers. From that, I've calculated that the entire cast of "The View" could power a dozen of these ships.
And that raises the question: Are the obese the answer to our energy crisis? Could the pleasantly plump, simply by getting their fat sucked out, help reduce carbon emissions and make the earth safer from oil-rich nutbags like Hugo Chavez? And would the people who police these vehicles be called "chubby chasers"?
I envision a time where cars will pull into stations with names like Porky's, Fatboy, and Chastity Bono, where we insert nozzles into the obese and extract the precious fat cells that can get us to work each day. I see a time where fat people will be the most sought after commodity, cherished for their role — or rolls — in making the world a better place.
As a man fast approaching the term, "moderately obese," I can only say, "I am here to serve, and you may pump me now."
And that's my gut feeling!
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 9-10PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.