Why Guns Make the World Safer

In Alabama, a couple named Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon came home to find their house had been burgled. The thieves left piles of trash everywhere. After his wife left, Adrian went back into the house, walking right into one of the burglars, who was wearing Adrian's hat. Adrian not only held the man at gunpoint (or "fun-point," as I like to call it), he forced the thief to clean up the mess. When the police arrived, the thief complained about this, unaware that he had avoided another option: death.

As anyone who's been robbed knows, it's the mess left behind that's just as bad as being robbed. I wouldn't hate being robbed so much if the thieves would have a little common courtesy to put back the stuff they don't want. There's nothing worse than trying to retrieve a figurine from the toilet. At least, I hope that was a figurine.

But really, I love this story because it reveals the magical, healing powers of firearms. The fact is, if you want bad people to stop being bad, just point a loaded firearm at them — you can actually get them to clean your house. This is the only scientific proof you need that handguns — in the hands of good people — make the world a safer place.

And frankly, the thief was lucky. If it were up to me, I would have made him do my linens and clean the grout in between my bathroom tiles with his tongue. But first, I'd force him into a French maid costume. I have four of them in different sizes just in case the opportunity presents itself.

Dass ist mein Darmgefuehl!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld