Hey Protestors! Make Like a Tree and Leave

So a judge is ordering protesters sitting in an oak at U.C. Berkeley to make like a tree and leave — or wind up in jail.

The protesters are pissed that the school plans to remove some trees to make way for an athletic center — something they'd never use because they don't allow rainsticks

I love this story because it illustrates some essential truths about protesters.

One: They need to grow up. The head protester, David Galloway, is 36 years old. It's must be great for his parents to know that, as their son reaches middle age, he lives in a tree. And it's not even a tree house. He's more like a tree squatter.

Two: Protestors don't care about people or trees! You see, school officials have become very worried about the amount of human waste dropping from the oaks. Think about that! It's disgusting. Crap shouldn't grow on trees and it shouldn't fall from them either. And I'm sure if these trees could talk, they would plead for a match.

Three: This is private property and these conduits for crabs have no right to be there. Imagine if some middle-aged dude in a mesh tank top and torn culottes moved into a tree on your front yard. He'd be in my basement before breakfast.

The fact is, the university was too scared to deal with this sooner — proof that the P.C. mindset is still kicking in academia. Instead of handling these ass-hats with kid gloves, I say, Taser them and Taser them often. If you won't do it for the students, then do it for the trees.

And if you disagree with me, you're worse than Hitler.

Dass ist mein Darmgefuehl!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com