Britney Spears' Troubles: All About Cousin Alli?

No program has ever been installed in Britney Spears that commands her to stay home, clean the house, make a PBJ sandwich and catch "24." This would also mean spending time with her baby sons.

I am told that Britney’s partying ways and her hell-bent rush to self-destruction means she will never get custody of her kids again from Kevin Federline.

"She will always be a visitor now," sneered a source.

According to my sources, Federline’s camp filed motions in court beginning last Friday to take the kids away from Spears. Among other things, they claimed that she hadn’t made arrangements for parent counseling or drug testing, which the court ordered.

Cited in the papers was the declaration of Britney’s former bodyguard, who claimed he’d witnessed Spears parading around nude in front of her kids and doing drugs at a restaurant.

Despite the fact that last week Spears was described by the judge as a habitual drug user, the singer simply decided to ignore his opinion.

Instead of keeping her kids at home and warm and safe, she took them to a Malibu diner where paparazzi hounded them. So great was Britney’s need for public approbation that she pimped out the kids.

What made it worse was news that she was driving without a valid driver's license. Of course, reports of a prior late night drinking champagne didn’t help.

The big question is why? Why is she doing all this? Who is advising her? The answer is no one. She has no manager or publicist. She doesn’t speak to her own mother, upon whom she served legal papers months ago. That leaves Britney with her cousin Alli — and that’s another story.

Sources tell me that Alli, who is not a close cousin of Britney, has set out to remake her own personal version of "All About Eve" or "Gaslight."

"She wants her own career as a singer," my source says. "She’s very ambitious and going after it. They recently played her demos up at the label and everyone loved them."

All this talk about Alli and her possible motives to see Britney fail makes us wonder who the pop star’s actual inside friends might be. And who is advising her to get drunk and drive around without a license, using her kids as passengers?

This whole episode is reminiscent of Anna Nicole Smith. All the strange plot points in Smith’s recent life: the pregnancy, the death of her son, the rise of her personal shrink as her doctor, Anna’s own death — should look like a blueprint for Britney. Someone should sober her up and make her read these stories, unless she wants to wind up a 25-year-old corpse.