Ah yes, you've seen the John Kerry video? The one where that annoying punk gets Tasered while trying to ask that piece of wood some crappy questions.
Why do I love it? Am I sick? Of course, but the guy deserved it — especially when he said, "Don't Taser me, bro."
I hate the word "bro."
"Hey bro, got a smoke?"
"Hey bro, can you spare a buck?"
"Hey bro, you're choking me."
Shut up. You are not my "bro" or "broheim" and if you insist on using that word you deserve death, bro!
Is this picture amazing or what? It's from a Chinese village. I can't pronounce the name, but it's not like you care: It's in China — they make flip-flops out of babies. Anyway, 500 children must cross a raging river on a steel cable to get to school. Why? Cuz there's no bridge! That would scare the poop out of me.
The next time you come across some toad complaining that he can't leave for work without his iPod, show him this picture. Then stab him. You'll get off — this is America!
Oh look: a story on women with tattoos! That means we get to show pictures of women with tattoos! It's win-win, which is also the name of my Vietnamese houseboy. Anyway, millions of stupid aging women are now seeing doctors to have those dumb Asian sayings removed from their asses. It was cool at Spring Break 15 years ago, but now that your ass is 35, they look like skid marks.
Look, the real rebel doesn't need a tattoo. All you need is a bumper sticker that says "I Voted for Bush."
Now fetch me a Pina Colada, you little sea cow!
And that's my gut feeling.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Sundays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.