Just the other day while cleaning out the basement, I found an old vial of pepper spray. It made me cry because it had reminded me of my old pal Saddam Hussein.
Saddam was hanged last December, despite his wish to be shot (which would have been messier to clean up, especially when you don't have a Swiffer.)
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The execution video was leaked, causing global controversy and at least one new dance craze. Many people, including the editors at The New York Times, were appalled that an execution would end in something as horrific as death.
So now, the death sentence has been confirmed on "Chemical Ali" and two other Saddam baddies — all convicted of genocide. I would pronounce their names, but this show is just an hour long and I have a speech impediment.
But here's the thing: How can we make these executions appealing to those who were offended by the way Saddam was treated? How do you kill a bad guy, when the press finds the idea so insensitive?
I've thought about the idea of the "classy" execution and came up with some options. My initial one is to actually have a New York Times editor read this morning's paper to the inmate, until the inmate pleads for his own death. I also thought a live concert featuring Natalie Merchant, followed by a lecture from Tim Robbins, might work. But even I have some compassion.
In the end, I suppose the ideal punishment for those who harmed their own people would be at the hands of their citizenry — done without pomp — to be forgotten as quickly as this morning's flush, because that's all they really are.
And that's my gut feeling.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.