The annual Harris Poll gauging public views of 23 professions just came out — and journalists were ranked at the bottom, just between tort lawyers and porn fluffers.
• Boost Greg's self-esteem: Watch his Greg-alogue
Just 13 percent said that journalism had "very great prestige," while 16 percent said it had "hardly any at all." Meanwhile, 61 percent said the most prestigious job was firefighter — especially when your house is in flames.
And yet, Hollywood has spent years glorifying the role of journalists, while it's made only one "Backdraft." Redford and Newman can play reporters on the big screen, but we all know that real journalists look like me — pudgy, pasty drunks with unhealthy obsessions for unicorns and Asian porn.
Journalism is about as heroic as dentistry. And even dentists have cooler instruments, as well as dental hygienists — who will do anything for a bag of groceries.
Reporters are seen as fearless, risking their lives to speak out against evil corporations or corrupt politicians. But there's nothing more corrupt than a journalist — most of them choose stories that boost their reputation among their peers. I'm talking crap about global warming, bullying and my pet peeve: orphans.
I used to be a print journalist, it's true. But I spent my time doing what all good journalists should do: Drinking, punching wallabies and trying to find my pants.
Journalism is the easiest job in the world. After all, where else can a person work while being drunk 80 percent of the time? I'll tell you where: Here at "Red Eye"!
And that's my gut feeling.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 9-10PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.