Can she act? No. Can she sing? No. Does she commit both pathetically and still make a fortune from it? Yes. So what is the fascination with the newly emancipated Paris Hilton?

I’ve actually watched numerous people attempt to answer this question – and fail. And they fail because there isn’t a good answer. Simply put – I think it’s a new form of sport-entertainment hybrid called “Heiress Watching.”

And to be perfectly honest here – I like it too. Why? Because she’s the closest thing to royalty that we Americans have and we’ve grown to admire and like her for whom she really is – an attractive young rich kid with no moral compass or purpose. The Brits have William and Harry… We get Paris.

Sure they are Princes – but have they had their own popular reality TV show, a homemade porn film, a successful pop record or a jailhouse tale? No.

Heck, about the only thing Paris hasn’t accomplished yet is to get elected to Congress – and it’s early in her career. So in the proverbial game of royalty, I’d argue Paris is actually winning by a landslide.

So whether you’re fascinated by her or not – when Barbara Walters calls you in jail or NBC toys with the idea of paying you a million bucks to talk to them, it’s safe to say you have arrived – and without really doing anything more than being born. That’s royalty in my book, fellow commoners.

And luckily for you – if you haven’t yet come to terms with your Paris-Phobia but are still interested to see what happens in the highly anticipated first interview since getting out of jail – I will watch the easily confused Larry King tonight so you don’t have to.

After all, what would Paris say about it? Look no further than her trademark saying…

“That’s HOT!”

I can be reached for questions, comments or personal notes from Paris at Griffsnotes@foxnews.com.