Britney Spears | Oscars | Police

Spears for Fears: Britney as Anna Nicole

Lindsay Lohan’s friends and family can breathe a sigh of relief this morning. At least their celebrity fixture is well placed in rehab and on her way to recovery.

Britney Spears, however, is a different story. She appears to be having a public nervous breakdown coupled with some kind of substance addiction.

Is Spears another Anna Nicole Smith in the making? It sure looks that way.

Britney Spears Sports Wig After 'Shear' Madness

These days, Spears is famous mostly for being famous — like Smith. Her recording career is quite a bit behind her, though she claims to have a new album in the works. Spears has become addicted to her own celebrity. Her value is now all about selling newspapers and magazines.

Even motherhood doesn’t seem interesting to Spears. How could it? The drama of being followed, of enticing paparazzi and tabloids to comment on her latest move, is far more interesting than reading to a child, changing a diaper or playing with a baby.

What’s next for Britney? She’s had two marriages and two pregnancies, so that’s been done. Expect next a reunion of some kind with Justin Timberlake, who’ll be humming “What Goes Around Comes Around” as he plays white knight, dances Spears off to rehab and launches yet another round of tabloid headlines.

Meanwhile, it’s a little unclear — given the head shaving, tattoo burning, etc. — whether or not there will be a Britney Spears Summer Camp for Performing Arts this season.

In 2004, according to federal tax records, Spears parked $1.3 million in a tax-free foundation and spent around $265,000 on the camp. The camp’s application asked potential admittees to rate their “personal habits” and “social maturity.”

Oscar Week Begins: All Hail Helen and Forest

At last, we are at the start of Oscar week. It’s a good thing, too. "Dreamgirls" needs about a day and a half to reach $100 million. The snubbed musical came “this close” over the weekend to the magic number, but fell short about $750,000.

But Oscar week 2007, if there is any justice (and usually there isn’t) in Hollywood, should belong to Martin Scorsese. After near misses with "The Aviator" and "Gangs of New York," America’s finest director looks certain to pick up Best Director this Sunday night and maybe even Best Picture. I can only say maybe. Scorsese fans have been disappointed too many times.

What is certain about Sunday night? This much: Helen Mirren, Forest Whitaker, Eddie Murphy, Jennifer Hudson.

Queen Helen is so certain that Dame Judi Dench, whose performance in "Notes on a Scandal" is incendiary, is skipping the show to have knee surgery. She’s not being a sore loser, but simply practical in a Dame Judi way. She’s got to get back on the London stage. And she already has an Oscar (1999, "Shakespeare in Love").

What’s uncertain: Is Peter O'Toole going to come back to Hollywood just to watch Whitaker win? O’Toole had a grand time at the nominees’ luncheon and then went home to England. Making the long trip back does seem pointless if he doesn't think he'll win, but O’Toole’s presence should enliven things.

And what about the spoilers? "Little Miss Sunshine," a dark-horse film that was birthed at Sundance, could upset everything with a Best Picture win. Based on its Screen Actors Guild award for Best Cast — as well as producers and writers’ guild nods — "Sunshine" could throw a dark shadow across Scorsese’s "The Departed." Stranger things have happened.

Meanwhile, the real drama of the weekend may wind up with the Independent Spirit Awards on Saturday. After a few seasons of paralleling the Oscar nominations, this year the Spirits have chosen more of an independent path.

Best Feature should be a dog fight between "Little Miss Sunshine" and "Half Nelson." Best Male Lead, I hope, will go to Ryan Gosling for "Half Nelson."

As for Best Female Lead? The real fun would be if Catherine O'Hara gets it for “For Your Consideration.” Talk about making a catty statement to the Academy Awards!

Police Report: Sold Out in Canada

Tickets for the Police’s reunion shows in New York, Boston and Los Angeles don’t go on sale until tomorrow. But dates in Canada — Toronto and Vancouver — are already sold out. Try going on Ticketmaster; they are all gone.

In Toronto, a third night was put on sale and the tickets for that show went as fast as, you know, hot cakes.

The quick sell-outs are pretty ironic, considering the group claimed not to know how it would do if they really went through with the reunion tour.

Now it would seem like the Aug. 1 and Aug. 3 dates at Madison Square Garden will sell out immediately tomorrow morning.

Luckily the group held open the middle night, and the one after, so two more shows could be added if needed.

It looks as though they will.