For baby boomers, it seems nothing says "romance" the second time around like "I'll love you forever and ever under these circumstances. Sign here."
A new study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers indicates that more and more baby boomers are opting for prenuptial agreements than ever before — a whopping 80 percent increase over the last five years, The New York Post reports.
And if you're a cheater with a penchant for Cheetos, forget about it — the terms of the agreements are becoming increasingly detailed, regulating everything from the amount of pounds one can pack on her fanny to the consequences of a wandering eye.
Lawyers say the betrothed aren't shy about specifics. In fact, they have gone as far as to ask for contracts on how many times a week they should get some … ahem … matrimonial action and how clean their homes should be.
Even old Fluffy and Fido aren't exempt as fodder for the pre-marital bargaining table. Lawyers say that cats, dogs and even reptiles are often a part of the prenup process these days.
Experts in the industry believe the rise of the comically detailed prenup has a lot to do with middle-aged divorcees looking to avoid the burn of another nasty split. In fact, the study shows the contracts aren't just for the rich old guys with the trophy wives anymore — the major boom in popularity is among middle-class 40-60 year olds.
"[The pacts] are a vaccine against the disease of divorce," said Manhattan divorce lawyer Raoul Felder. "It's the vogue today. It's the product of divorce being expensive and intrusive."
But some lawyers insist the zany requests are nothing but poppycock when it comes to court.
"It's a complete absurdity," said Manhattan divorce attorney Jeffrey Cohen. "These are things that are almost impossible to police and enforce. These are a set of demands that if you need to make them, you ought not to get married."
Mooove Over, Officer — This Runaway Pot Roast Can't Be Stopped
WALTERBORO, S.C. (AP) — A Taser may work on a billy goat gruff, but it doesn't seem to be very effective on runaway pot roast.
Incident reports show a Colleton County sheriff's deputy used a Taser twice Monday on a cow wandering along a road.
Two zaps later, the cow's owner still couldn't corral the animal, and it ran off. Deputies spent several hours chasing the cow in and out of traffic before suspending the pursuit.
Last January, Scott also used a Taser to rescue a Cottageville woman from an aggressive billy goat named Dodge, who was later adopted.
Thanks to Out There reader Angela P.
Because Nothing Determines a Winner Like the Wardrobe of a Statue
DETROIT (AP) — The 26-foot Spirit of Detroit statue outside city hall won't wear a Detroit Tigers jersey unless the team makes it to the World Series, officials say.
The statue has worn Detroit Pistons and Red Wings jerseys when the basketball and hockey teams have made it to the playoffs, but Tigers and local government officials say they aren't rushing to do the same for the baseball team.
The Tigers won Game 1 of the best-of-seven American League Championship Series on Tuesday night, beating the Oakland Athletics 5-1.
"Maybe it's like changing your socks. You don't do anything different until you win," Gregg McDuffee, general manager of the Detroit-Wayne County Joint Building Authority, told The Detroit News. The authority oversees the statue outside the Coleman A. Young Municipal Center.
During the 2005 playoffs, the Pistons and Red Wings lost after their jerseys were put on the statue.
"I'm not doing that again," McDuffee said.
"When we win the American League championship, we'll be ready with our jersey," said Tigers marketing director Ellen Hill Zeringue. "This is new for us. When we get farther along, we'll talk to the powers that be and figure it out."
And the Doofus of the Day Award Goes to...
FLORENCE, South Carolina (AP) — A small town police chief has been charged with stealing a windshield from a golf cart — while wearing his uniform.
Police Chief Mike McDonald of Lamar turned himself in to police on Tuesday to face the charges of larceny and misconduct in office. He was released on $1,000 bail.
"I messed up, your honor," McDonald said at his bond hearing. "It's embarrassing for my position."
McDonald was in uniform when he took the windshield from a golf cart at a used car lot in Darlington in August, Darlington Police Lt. Danny Watson said.
He did not give investigators any explanation, Watson said.
McDonald returned the windshield, valued at $80, authorities said. The town, about 20 miles from Florence in northeastern South Carolina, placed him on administrative leave, Mayor Bobby Hudson said.
And Now This From the Simian Scourge Department
NEW DELHI (AP) — The Supreme Court ordered wildlife authorities to catch hundreds of monkeys that roam the Indian capital, often terrorizing residents, and relocate them thousands of miles away, a newspaper reported Wednesday.
The roughly 300 Rhesus macaques will be shifted from New Delhi to the dense jungles of Madhya Pradesh state, whose government will receive $54,000 from the federal government to cover the cost of reintroducing the monkeys to the wild, the Hindu reported.
Government buildings, temples and many residential neighborhoods of New Delhi are overrun by an army of macaques. The monkeys scare passers-by, and occasionally bite or snatch food from unsuspecting visitors.
For years, state animal welfare agencies have tried to rid the capital of the simian scourge, but their efforts have been defeated, in part, by Hindus who believe that monkeys are manifestations of the monkey god Hanuman.
Many feed the monkeys nuts, bread and bananas, encouraging the animals to frequent parks, temples and other public places.
Scores of monkeys caught by animal handlers have been left to languish in cages while the government ponders what to do with them. This has sparked protests by animal rights activists.
The Supreme Court ruling Tuesday was prompted an animal rights activist's petition saying that the animals would die if held in captivity for too long.
Six states in north India have refused to take the New Delhi monkeys, saying they already have enough of the animals, the government's counsel told the court, according to the newspaper.
Court officials were not available to comment Wednesday.
Other initiatives to rid residential and office neighborhoods of the monkeys, such as scaring them off with langurs — a particularly fierce breed of apes — met with limited success when the monkeys moved to nearby locations.
'Welcome to New Jersey! ... Worst. Place. Ever.'
MOUNT LAUREL, N.J. (AP) — The man who once put up a billboard message that called New Jersey "a horrible place to do business" says he's paying a price for speaking out. He figures it's about $6 million.
Real estate developer William Juliano's story involves an unopened Wal-Mart store in Cape May County, a huge billboard in Salem County and battles with Trenton bureaucrats in two state departments.
It begins in 1990, when the Mount Laurel-based developer bought a piece of land near the Delaware Memorial Bridge, which carries traffic between Delaware and New Jersey. He put up a hotel and a Cracker Barrel restaurant there.
When the state Department of Environmental Protection did not let him add a truck stop — saying that area was a sensitive wetland — he struck back.
Juliano owns a billboard on the property that is so big and prominent — it's one of the first things people see when they enter the state from points south — he calls it "the king of all billboards." In May 2005, he used the sign to post this arresting message for drivers as the entered the Garden State: "Welcome to New Jersey. A horrible place to do business. DEP nightmare state."
"They don't have to like me, they don't have to like Wal-Mart," he said. "If I talk out against them, don't retaliate against me."
Juliano takes that notion that he's being punished for speaking out so seriously that he is asking the state Attorney General's office to investigate.
Transportation officials say the delays have nothing to do with his high-profile message.
"What this is based on is not a person," said Joe Fiordaliso, the chief of staff for the Department of Transportation. "It's based on a responsibility that the department has to ensure safety for motorists."
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.
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