Stupid Pet Tricks

Dear Friends of "FOX & Friends,"

Today we once again turned to our audience (the smartest in all of cable news) and asked for help. Yesterday I'd accidentally exploded a pen in my hand and needed help in cleaning all the ink off my hands. One of my co-workers, who shall remain nameless, asked me if I'd been fingerprinted by the heat. Funny, funny guy. We got hundreds of home remedies, I tried over twenty, but in the end the only thing that worked was gasoline. It took less than half a pint, and my hands were ALMOST ink-free. Of course, my wife said it smelled like Mr. Goodwrench was in the house, which made me wonder: When was the last time Mr. Goodwrench was in the house?

Today we recapped a story from China about a woman who'd crashed her car after trying to teach her dog to drive her car. He loved to sit on her lap while she drove, so clearly the dog was interested in driving she thought, so the woman worked the foot pedals as the dog steered. Being a dog, however, he didn't have a lot of practice, and in no time the dog drove into a neighbor's car. We don't know if there will ever be another driving lesson, but it prompted this question of the day: Stupid Pet Tricks: What would you like to teach your dog or cat? Here are some of your great e-mails...

• My wife taught the dog to go out and get the paper. Now I don't have to greet the neighbors with "morning pillow hair" every morning.
Steve Slater from Linfield, PA

• Hi, I'm from Danville, GA. I have a smart dog. I taught my dog and my wife to roll over in the same day.
Take it easy,
Ken Sanders

• Our oldest Lab is a tattletale. No one assigned this role to him. He took it upon himself. If the kids or the other dogs do something wrong he starts barking. If I do not respond quickly enough he comes and barks in front of me and jumps up and down.
Deirdre in IL

• After we moved into a new house, our Golden Retriever, Rugby, started picking up clothing from my daughters' rooms, piling it in the foyer, and sleeping on top of it. I trained him to go the distance, and carry it all to the laundry room every morning. Of course he got rewarded with a special treat for his work.
Dianne Arnheim
Walpole, MA

• Our daughter and son-in-law had their Springer Spaniel trained to bring them beer from the refrigerator upstairs to them in the basement family room while they watched football or races.
Sandy Cook Angola, IN

• OUR GOLDEN RETREIVER GATHERS SOCKS AND UNDERWEAR AND PLACES THEM INTO THE WASHING MACHINE, AND HAS NOW GRADUATED TO SHIRTS!—GO MAVERICK!
Patty Pruett From Dayton, Nevada

• I trained my dog to clean the catbox. Robin

• I'd like to teach my dog to read bedtime stories so I don't have to read "Goodnight Moon" to the kids for the zillionth time.
Jaime Nickel

• To hell with teaching dogs how to drive. I'd just like to teach my wife to drive!
Margie's Husband in Mississippi

Thanks to all of our e-mailers. Great job!

Have a great day, and we'll see you in the morning!

Steve Doocy

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