Oh baby! You can make it, carry it around for nine months and bring it onto the planet whenever, wherever and with whomever you’d like (theoretically, at least), but when it comes to naming it, one Mexican state says you’d better say adios to your favorite funky baby names.
Authorities in the state of Chihuahua are enforcing a new set of rules — extremely specific rules at that — on what the baby-makers can call their kiddos, KVIA reports.
It seems the state was displeased with a rash of tots running around with odd, creative and foreign names, so it decided to issue a reminder of what’s considered appropriate and what isn’t.
Among the names deemed “improper” by the state are Lluvia, which means rain, Azul, which means blue and Kevin, which means … well, who knows.
The rules dictate that if parents must name their child a foreign-sounding name, then it has to be followed by a Spanish middle name, like Maria.
And there’s more.
Parents who dare to be different by tricking up the spelling of a name better think twice — only “common spellings” are going to fly.
But bewildered baby-namers should know: the government insists it's not out to steal their moniker-making thunder, rather they’re just trying to prevent the kids from a lifetime of ridicule and legal troubles.
I Smell a Rat ... or Two ... or 1,300
PETALUMA, Calif. (AP) — It all started four years ago when Roger Dier bought a baby rat to feed his pet Indian python. But when he saw the furry little critter squeaking for its life, the lifelong animal lover said he didn't have the heart to let it become just another snake snack.
"I couldn't stand it," he told The Press Democrat of Santa Rosa. "I took the rat out of the cage and got to know it."
After that, Dier was hooked on the rodents, which he described as gentle, lovable and an endless source of entertainment. He later bought four more at the pet store — but didn't think to spay or neuter them.
Last week, animal control officers discovered more than 1,300 rats in Dier's small one-bedroom Petaluma home, after a neighbor complained about the foul smell. He was cited for misdemeanor animal cruelty.
Dier, 67, said depression, loneliness, denial and a recent bout of flu and bronchitis kept him from maintaining control of the fast-breeding population.
"I did not set out to do this," he told The Press Democrat. "I do acknowledge irresponsibility and there's a case for laziness, denial, incompetence and just plain foolishness."
But "it was not all my fault," he added. "It was this force of nature that overwhelmed me."
By all appearances, Dier looks like an everyday retiree, donning jeans and an Hawaiian shirt on a warm afternoon and driving a new Toyota Tacoma.
But his house, located in a quiet middle-class neighborhood, reeks of urine. The floor is covered with the chaff of feed mixed with rat droppings, and everything is gnawed on, including the sheetrock walls, according to The Press Democrat.
Dier admitted that he felt some relief when they were confiscated, noting the "crushing burden" of trying to care for them. He was up to buying 250 pounds of rat food a week.
Note to Self: Never Trade Jobs With That Guy
CLOVIS, N.M. (AP) — Employees at the Curry County courthouse are crying fowl over a stench that has permeated the building since recent rains mixed with pigeon droppings on the roof and dripped into offices.
County Maintenance Supervisor Lee Delk said the ceiling seeped because a mud-like substance — created when water blended with droppings — clogged drains and leaked into the building through fallen ceiling tiles.
"It was nasty," Delk said. "We cleaned up about a gallon, but it smelled like a ton and a half."
Employees opened windows and used air-freshener sprays. Each office is equipped with an air purifier.
Delk said about 50 pigeons live on the courthouse rooftop. Many residents enjoy feeding the birds, so the county has tried to deal with the birds humanely.
County officials plan to construct a modified rubber roof identical to one on the Curry County Juvenile Detention Center. Delk said for some reason, the pigeons won't nest there.
"It's all in a day's work," he said. "We deal in poo every day."
So Does That Make Him ... a Monkey's Uncle???
SAN MATEO, Calif. (AP) — Andrew Padilla first saw the monkey in the backyard of his Palo Alto home, hanging out by a fence. He thought it must be a squirrel.
It turned out to be a marmoset — and one that was a long, long way from its native home in the rain forests of South and Central America.
"I wanted to adopt him," Padilla said. "He was so cute and friendly."
Padilla said he fed the stray monkey bananas and crackers before calling the Peninsula Humane Society & SPCA to report him.
"We thought, 'Sure. What have you been drinking?' But when our officer arrived, there he was," said Scott Delucchi, spokesman for the animal care agency.
An officer coaxed the marmoset into custody with a banana. The agency has kept the animal in a small cage at its shelter in San Mateo.
Officials don't know where the animal came from but they plan to send it to Primarily Primates, a 75-acre animal sanctuary just north of San Antonio.
The marmoset, which weighs about 12 ounces, appears healthy but a little disoriented, Delucchi said.
Oh No He Didn't ... or Did He?
PITTSBURGH (AP) — A city attorney is suing the creator of a Web site that lets women dish dirt on men they claim have wronged them, saying they made defamatory statements about him.
Attorney Todd J. Hollis sued becaus e he contends two Pittsburgh-area women and other anonymous users posted items about him on www.dontdatehimgirl.com in which they claim he is unfaithful, among other things, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported Thursday.
Hollis filed the lawsuit Thursday in Allegheny County against Tasha C. Joseph, who created the site, which bills itself as a "cost-effective weapon in the war on cheating men."
Joseph, 33, a former columnist for the Miami Herald, said any man can post a rebuttal on the site.
Lida Rodriguez-Taseff, an attorney representing Joseph, said the site is no different than the proverbial coffee shop where people go and chitchat."
"You would never think of holding the coffee shop owner liable because other people went in and defamed other people," Rodriguez-Taseff said.
Hollis' suit contends Joseph "conspired with disingenuous people whose only agenda is to attack the character of those individuals who have been identified on the site."
Hollis, 38, a criminal attorney for 12 years, also said the site does not have safeguards in place to ensure the truthfulness of items posted on it.
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.
Got a good "Out There" story in your hometown? We would like to know about it. Send an e-mail with a Web link (we need to authenticate these things) to outthere@foxnews.com.
Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox