So what do you do if you’re a 35-year-old kazoo-playing dude from New Jersey who’s afraid of soup and redheads, just moved out of your mom’s place and you haven’t had sex in two years?
Assuming, of course, that you’re fool enough to admit those things to anyone but your imaginary friend, you could opt to share every sordid detail of your neurotic existence on a 24-hour Web show.
Kieran Vogel thought it was a good idea, anyway.
Starting Wednesday, Vogel will lock himself in a house in Monmouth County fitted with 32 cameras where experts will attempt to make him over and Web viewers will make all of his decisions for him, the New York Post reports.
“OurPrisoner.com,” billed as the first 24-hour interactive reality show, allows interested parties to choose what Vogel wears, whom he dates and what he does — all day long — as long as it occurs within the confines of his virtual prison.
It might sound dull, if it weren’t for the fact that Vogel happens to be … um … a bit eccentric. The freelance graphic designer who says soup is “a morass of sickening food residue” also fears public restrooms.
So much, in fact, that he’s revolted if someone who’s just used one walks his way.
Another ingredient in Vogel’s crazy pie is an absolute aversion to sweat — especially a woman’s sweat. He hates it so much, in fact, that he plays freeze-out with the AC when he’s being active with a lady — no matter how infrequently that may be.
But at least he’s trying. Vogel says he wants to be freed from his eccentric existence and find true love, and he’s hoping that his stint as an Internet “Prisoner” might just do the trick.
During his confinement, he’ll have regular sessions with a therapist, a personal trainer, a cooking teacher and a dance instructor, among other coaches. He’ll be set up on blind dates every week — all of which have to take place in the house — and viewers will get to vote on whom he goes out with again and who gets the boot.
If he can stand the pressure for the entirety of his six-month stay, he’ll get a new car and a $60,000-a-year job at BigString.com.
Booty-Baring Scooter Rider's Big Top Misadventure
CEDAR CITY, Utah (AP) — A 28-year-old woman has been cited for lewdness for exposing herself inside a store.
The woman was riding a motorized cart inside Lin's Market Place on Thursday with her pants around her ankles and not wearing underwear.
Customers didn't notice the woman until she would stand up from the cart and bend over to look at items on the shelf, exposing her buttocks.
The woman told police she arrived in Cedar City with a circus but was left behind.
Justifying Commitment Phobia, One Psycho at a Time
NEW YORK (New York Post) — A rampaging herd of brides, led by Samantha Wagner of Bridgewater, N.J., raced through Times Square on Monday.
They tore off tiaras and grabbed at each other's trains before storming through a frosting-filled obstacle course.
Innocent tourists — led by terrified single men — ran for their lives as the 20 women, selected by the producers of the reality show "Bridezillas," vied for a $25,000 first prize.
Wagner started strong but ultimately faded as a rival shot past her, grabbing a bouquet hung from a trellis at the finish line for the win. The women entered Monday's competition by writing an essay about the difficulties of organizing a wedding.
Dude Looks Like a (Pregnant) Lady
TYLER, Texas (AP) — East Texas police are warning people about a man posing as a woman in labor.
Authorities say they received a call Friday night about a woman in labor inside a vehicle in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart Supercenter. A person at the store claimed to be pregnant and asked another woman passing by for help, Tyler police said.
When the ambulance arrived, paramedics realized it was actually a man pretending the be a woman. The man fled the scene before officers arrived, police said.
It was unclear why the man was posing as a pregnant woman.
A similar incident happened Tuesday evening at a Wal-Mart in Lindale, Sgt. Robert Plymail told the Tyler Morning Telegraph.
Witnesses say the man left in a silver 1992 two-door Ford Thunderbird with Texas license plate 173HYT.
Shame ... Even the Courthouse Has Gone to Pot
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — After reporters pointed out that wild marijuana, commonly called ditch weed, was growing on the lawn at the federal courthouse in Sioux Falls, the greenery was eliminated.
City officials and a developer said seeds in dirt brought in for construction must have sprouted.
KSFY-TV in Sioux Falls had it tested to be sure it was ditch weed and brought it to the attention of federal officials last week.
None wanted to comment.
Low-grade, wild marijuana was initially grown as hemp to make rope in World War II. But it contains a small amount of the ingredient that makes marijuana smokers high.
Congress made it illegal in 1970 to grow any form of the marijuana plant.
Mmm ... 47 Grease-Soaked Morsels of Cheesy Goodness
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Ladies and gentleman, grab your antacids. There's a rising star on the competitive eating circuit.
California man Joey Chestnut downed 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes this weekend in Las Vegas to set a world record. That's 11 more sandwiches than the old record of 36.
Last month, Chestnut ate 50 hot dogs. Some say he's a threat to the reigning champ of food stuffing, Japan's Takeru Kobayashi.
Chestnut won the grilled cheese contest sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating, the same group that runs the annual Fourth of July hot dog eating contest at New York's Coney Island.
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.
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